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New Drugs For Women


D A M I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.


St. M O M 'S W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.


E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.


P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.


D U M E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.


F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.


M E N I C I L L I N

Potent antiboyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"


B U Y- A G R A

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.


Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL

When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.


J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.


A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.


S E X C E D R I N

More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.


R A G A M E T

When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

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