A wonderful guest submission by a dear friend of mine, Rhys Brinley. A hilarious ritual to do when working on webpages, lol. Thanks, Rhys!
To be done when you computer craps out, modem shits the bed, or other software problems arise pertaining to the use of web pages.
On the day of computer problems, when the sun is high, begin your Working by taking a Ritual shower or bath. Herbs to use can be chamomile, lavender and hyssop, [as well as any that cause calmness to the Worker]; then make sure you comb your hair to cover the bald spots of both sides from pulling out your hair in frustration.
On your alter, place the Goddess and God candles, on the ends; in the centre of the alter, place the offending hardware or software from the computer. If necessary, place the whole tower or notebook. Surround the focus with computer laser jet paper, manuals for instruction for mouse, USB cables and if you have it, your computer speakers.
The alter cloth should be beige, or putty coloured, and all working candles should be the same ugly shade of beige as the tower. Incense should be ozone [reminiscent of burning mother boards] or melted plastic; if you do not have incense of this type, it is permissible to roast left-over cables or old Cd-Rom's in a brazer.
When the sun is high or between the hours of 9am to 5pm Eastern Standard Time, draw your Working circle, begin at the North Quarter and continue clockwise until it is complete. Then, stand in the centre of the circle.
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First: Walk to the North, take up your Shield and say the following:
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Second: Walk to the West, take up your Cauldron and say the following:
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Third: Walk to the South, take up your Spear and say the following:
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Fourth: Walk to the East, take up your Sword and say the following:
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Light your candles, and sit before the alter. Begin the Invocation to the Goddess of Web Design:
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"Great Rav-en-na, Goddess of all Web Design and Computer perfection, |
Now, commence groveling to the Goddess, as she is worthy of all worship, [editor's note: if make her happy enough, she might fix the problem herself instead of telling you how to fix it, or telling you what it is, so you can pay someone to do it. She is not picky, if you tell her how wonderful she is, and pay special attention to her mind's attributes as well as her physical perfection she will be greatly pleased.]
When the Goddess has given you the information you desire, place an offering of chocolate, sweets and even dough-nuts before her. Then, thank her, in your own words, making special mention of her wondrous knowledge and her perfection in timing.
Release the Quarters, and close you circle. As for cakes and ale, you may just want to order pizza and have a good stout Irish lager, you have a lot of work to make up, now that that damned computer is working right again :)
This is absolutely great. I love it!
