Why God?
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: Shackles -- Mary Mary
Why do I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about Religious Life? I don't know what else I can do right now about my decision about Religious Life. Yes, I've come to a decision, but has God? I'm nervous and scared and happy and excited...all mixed up. It's a strange feeling.

The vocation director said that she wanted to tell my new boss to ask me to join them for community prayer. I'm excited about that possibility, but I'm also a little nervous. Since she is my boss, should that line be crossed? Wasn't my idea, but the vocation director's. Eep! This is just one of those things that I'm going to put in God's hands. Whatever God's will be done here, I'm out of it.

I will be starting my new job on the 19th and I'm really excited about that. I know I have to go in early so that I can get some things smoothed out. I'm just getting myself prepared now.

Today I see my spiritual director. I actually have some things that I need her to help me with. I want to locate a specific passage in the Bible where it tells about Jesus's followers living in community and holding all things in common. That passage has been speaking to me, and I want to locate it so that I can spend time reflecting on it. The vocation director and I spent a few minutes looking for it, but it was in vain because neither of us could come up with where it was located in the Bible. Do any of you know?

I also have a friend who wants to take a deeper look at the Bible. I want to do so with her, but I'm afraid of leading her into anything. I think I will ask my spiritual director what I should do in this instance. We were hoping that the Bible study that the vocation director started for Lent last Lent would carry over, but so far that hasn't panned out.

I get to see my grandma later today. I'm excited about that!

Prayer requests:
For my friend who wants to know God better
for the mother of the vocation director
for friends who have asked for my prayers

Amen!

Free time is Ticking Away
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: If I was a Rich Girl
Well, I talked with the vocation director yesterday. I wanted to tell her soooo much, but I got really nervous and didn't get to tell her half the things I wanted to tell her about. So much for that. I don't know why I was so nervous.

Yesterday I got the book about the foundresses of this community. It's a book made for children and has a really nice story in it about how God put His dream into Hilligonde and Elisabeth's heart to found this community. It's a really cute little book. The vocation director that I met when I was in Cleveland sent it. With it she sent a little note hoping that I'd find the book inspirational. I've already read through it several times and I really like it because it touches my heart. I can't believe how close to my own dream the dreams of the foundresses were. It's kinda scary to think about. That book is called "Hilligonde's Dream"

The vocation director that I'm working with let me borrow one of the books off her shelf about the community. I'd seen the title of the book at various different places, but I was not sure what the book was about. So, I asked to borrow it and she said that it's a history of the province that I am discerning with. I am very interested in learning about it. The book's title is "Their Quiet Tread". Though, glancing through it, it looks to be a history of the ENTIRE community. This is going to be an interesting read, I can tell. I just hope that the wording of the book is not dry. This book is more than 500 pages long. It's going to take awhile to read it as I am a slow reader, but this book will go with me wherever I go. This is an older book, printed in 1955.

But, I won't start reading this one until I am finished with the one that I'm currently reading. It's about a nun's escape from Communist Slovakia. This is an OLD book. It's called "The Deliverance of Sister Cecilia". I'm almost finished with it! When I am done, I think this book is worth passing on and I'll pass it to a friend.

Peace out y'all!

Just Thinking
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Shatter my Image -- Dolly Parton
Yesterday was great. I hung out with my new boss through the Jubilee mass (they had it during a regular mass time and there were lots of other people there too). We sat in the back so it was kind-of hard to really see much of anything. There were 8 Sisters celebrating their Jubilees.

The party afterwords was interesting. Everyone was invited who was at the mass. I tagged along with my new boss for a little while but then she left so I started to just talk with people who I recognised. There were some Sisters of Notre Dame de Namur there too so I talked with them for a little bit.

I also talked with some of the associates and also a Sister who was living in Rome. She was there when the pope died. It was awesome to talk with her and listen to what she had to say. The vocation director introduced me to her.

I also helped clean up when the party was near over.

I see the vocation director on Wednesday. I have sooooo much to share with her going all the way back to when I was in Cleveland. I hope there's enough time for it all.

Today I've spent most of the day cleaning and then I will drive down to the Heights to pray with the Sisters.

Jubilee
Mood:  party time!
Now Playing: Fishing For Men
Well, today's the day of the Sisters' Jubilee celebration that I was invited to. I'm so nervous, but it's ok because one of the Sisters told me that I can sit with her. This Sister is my new boss. I will start working where she works on the 19th of this month. I'm excited about that. I'm also excited about the Jubilee Celebration because I'll get to meet some of the other Sisters. There will be a mass at 2:30 today and then followed by a party. I love parties. This is in my past, but might explain some of my nervousness about going to this Jubilee celebration. The last Jubilee celebration that I went to with another community--the one that ended on a sour note was not a nice experience for me. This is a different group of Sisters, so I know it will be ok, but there is still that small lurking wariness.

Yesterday I went to the festival at the Children's Home where the vocation director works. It rained all night, but they still set off their fireworks and it was awesome. This is one of their biggest money makers, please pray that it doesn't rain too much today. The vocation director was kind and drove me in her car to my own car (which was parked really far away). While I was at the festival, I saw who I think was one of the other vocation directors of another community in the area...though, I'm not sure which community she was from or if she was even one of the vocation directors. I recognised her and she me, but I don't remember where I knew her from (though I know she is a Sister).

I'll have to let you all know how it went.

Here comes the rain
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: the TV's blaring..as it always is at my parents' place
I think it's Murphy's Law that every time you have something that you'd really like to go to, it rains. The Children's Home that I volunteer at is having a festival this weekend and they were supposed to set off fireworks tonight. I don't know if that's going to happen though. I wonder if the festival will still be functioning? They really don't need the rain right now. This is one of their big fund raisers. I wanted to go see the fireworks, but even if they don't have the fireworks, I plan to go anyways.

My brother's currently graduating from college as I type. I'm at my parents' house with my dad because he couldn't go. He has MS and has problems where he can't go out often. I have to run a couple errands today...mainly find a place where I can get some nurse's scrubs. I have to wear those for my new jobs (starting when the Summer is over), and I'd like to have more than a weeks worth of them so I'm not having to do a wash every single week.

I posted my need at the Freecyclegroup near where I live. Basically what Freecycling is, is a way to swap things (like community sharing). You post what you need, and hopefully someone has it sitting around their house somewhere and wanting to get rid of it. You can also post what you have to offer and hope that someone out there could use it. I love it! Asking for those nurse's scrubs was my first posting, my second was to offer some boxes that someone might want to use for packing. I also have an extra coat that someone might be able to use.

Anywho...I'm looking forward to going to the Children's Home festival. I went to my gradeschool's parish festival for a little bit yesterday, and it was interesting. I don't really spend money at the festivals, but I love to just walk around and watch the people. Does anyone else do this, or am I strange?

Peace!
PS. Pray that the rain stops in time for the fireworks at dusk tonight.

Leaping into the Unknown
Now Playing: Mr. Roboto --Styx
Well, today was my last day at Concordia. I'm kind of bittersweet about it. It was a nice place to work (except that they had problems with people coming in on time for their shifts). I miss the teacher that I worked with. She is a really nice lady and we had lots of fun working together with the kids. We had a great professional friendship, which I hope I can continue outside of the workplace since I no longer work there anymore. I will really miss Lana.

Ok, so I have a week until I will be starting my new job. I will start working at a new school on the 19th of this month. I am looking forward to it. Right now, I'm just glad to have a little break between times. I don't have to work starting tomorrow until the 19th. It's a well deserved break.

Anyways, as I left today my boss gave me a lecture on following my "calling". He told me that he could tell that this wasn't just a "job" for me. He told me to search and pray that I would follow where God is calling me. I told him that I'd been discerning becoming a nun and he told me then I need to get right in there and interview all of the nuns that I know.... LOL, I've been doing this for a LONG time. (Now, this is a big thing, considering that this is a Lutheran school that I'd been working at.)

I got two cherry pies from my boss today. One I split with the kids and the other I kept for myself. The one that I split with the kids and Lana was really yummy.

Yesterday I talked to the vocation director a little bit (not officially) and she gave me the time that the Sisters do their evening prayer. I can't wait to start praying with the Sisters. I'll have to do that next week though because I have to go home this weekend to be around because we have family coming in for my brother's college graduation. While I am happy to see my family, I also want to have my time for myself. That's why I'm going to be staying at my place the whole week after that, even though I am not going to be working. I am looking forward to praying with the Sisters at the provincial house. I think that they do the Divine Office, so I'll have to learn how to follow the book that they use, but I'm super excited to learn how. When I prayed with the Sisters in Cleveland I felt so much like that was what I was called to do. I felt so much at home. And the strange thing is, that I'd prayed the Divine office with the Benedictines before and I really didn't care for how they did it. But these Sisters do it differently. I don't know what it is, but it really appealed to me.

This Sunday, I am going to go to the Sisters' Jubilee celebration. I'm both scared and excited at the same time. What's scary is that I'm going to be walking into a crowd where I'll hardly know anybody. Please pray that perhaps there will be someone nice enough to let me join them. I think it will all be ok, though. That's the feeling that I get when I think about it alot. I know that God is good and that this experience is not gonna kill me. I look forward to meeting some of the other Sisters. That's what I'm excited about!!!

This weekend is also the festival at the Children's Home that I volunteer at. I hope to make it down there sometime this weekend. The vocation director told me that there will be fireworks on Saturday night, so I hope that my family will be satisfied if I make an appearance Friday and Saturday into the afternoon so that I can go see the fireworks in the evening.

I have my official meeting with the vocation director on next Wednesday.

Anywho, wish me luck with everything that I have coming up in the next couple of weeks.

Dreamy
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: There Goes my Life -- Kenny Chesney
I'm just in a day-dreamy mood today. Only a few more days until my current job ends and I'm in transition. Transition can be hard sometimes, but I know that I'll be fine. I am really looking forward to starting my new job. I'll be working in Kentucky for the archdioceses... LOL, I think they pay my check. Actually, I'm going to start working in a daycare center run by a church down there. I'll be working with older toddlers. My new boss is a Sister of Notre Dame.

I'm just passing time before mass tonight. I go to mass every Tuesday night at the Mercy Center down here. I help out in the sacristy there, and also help pass out communion to the people who cannot make it up to communion.

I got invited to the Sisters' Jubilee celebration this Sunday. I am sooo looking forward to it. But I'm nervous. The last jubilee celebration that I went to of a different group of Sisters, I got kicked out of because the "right" people didn't invite me (though I WAS invited). Anyways, depending on my mood, I can walk into a room full of people that I don't really know and be ok. Most of the time. I just hope that there will be someone there who will invite me to sit with them. One of my friends was supposed to go with me, but she had something come up. But I will not chicken out! I really want to go and meet some of the other Sisters.

Wish me luck.

Homesick Blues
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Absolutely nothing!
Is it normal to feel homesick (for lack of better words) for a type of prayer and for a group of Sisters? Ever since I left Cleveland I've felt homesick. It's strange because I've only been to Cleveland one other time, this was the first time that I'd met this particular group of Sisters (though I'm discerning with their "branch" down near where I live.) I don't know how else to describe it. I miss them so much. I also miss praying in the morning and in the evening with the Sisters.

How do I tell this to the Vocation Director???

Catch-Up and Revise
Now Playing: Stairway to Heaven -- Dolly Parton
Well, today I'm just chillin. I went over to where my new job is and played with the babies over there. It was really fun to play with the little babies. I'll be going back tomorrow and hopefully I can spend time with some of the toddlers that I'm going to be working with.

I've updated the colors and the picture on the Yahoo group that I run. Catholic Kaleidoscopeis open to anyone who is Catholic or who is interested in becoming Catholic. It's just a place to chill out. Any of you are welcome to join! Right now I'm working on a book list on group.

I put up the following picture on the group. It's the portrait of Sister Dorothy Stang, SNDdeN that the actor Martin Sheen commissioned. The sign that Sr Dot's hand is in is believed to be the original sign of the cross. Cool eh?

Down Time
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Halfway Around the World -- ABBA Teens
Yesterday I picked up my pet fish from Sister Joanne (RSM) who was baby sitting it for me while I was away in Cleveland. I had mentioned to her how sad I was to have come home to an empty apartment after I had spent the week with the Sisters of Notre Dame up in Cleveland. She gave me a nun doll and told me that it was my new room mate. She said don't be too upset when Sister (the nun doll) doesn't do her share of the chores or the cooking. Hee hee! Anyways, that's where the fun begins...

I bring the nun doll home and stick her up on the shelf and the whole shelf comes crashing down to the floor. LOL! I didn't think it weighed THAT much. Guess the shelving unit was just unstable. Anyways, I picked everything up off the floor and reassembled the shelf and then put everything back on (including the nun doll). By the way, I named the nun doll Sister Mary Kathleen (after one of the Sisters up in Cleveland).

Kathleen's always been one of my favorite names. I think that if I ever have kids (not that I'm planning to), I'll name a girl Kathleen. I've written stories since I was young. MAny of them have a main character in it that bears the name Kathleen or some form of it.

I have the rest of the week off work. I hope I don't bore myself too much. I think I'll go help out somewhere on some days. I'm thinking about making a small road trip tomorrow maybe up to Dayton so that I can go to a celebration of the life of the person who was the priest who was campus minister at Wright State while I went there. He died tragically of the flu. I'll have to see if I feel up to it after my time at the Children's Home.

Peace!