Spacey
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: We Are Family -- Sister Sledge
I've been keeping track via the internet of this cold case murder trial. A Sister of Mercy was killed in Toledo, Ohio in 1980 and they just now have the person who they think killed her in custody. The person is a priest. I hope that justice will be served in this case. Please pray for a closure for her family so that they will finally know what happened and why.

The administration at work tried to pin something on me this week that is not my problem. The headmaster tried to tell me that I should be the one to call and talk to the parents of 2 children who attacked each other (one got a black eye). This happened while I was the only one there. The school was out of ratio (there's a city ratio of 10 children to 1 adult). I had 12 children with me when I noticed a white pick-up truck drive up to the school (we were outside). I walked forward to check out the truck to see if the men inside of it posed a threat to the children....it was just a parent and friend dropping off another child. While they did so, two of the other children were punching each other...fighting... I told the headmaster and filled out an incident report on the black eye. The school never followed up on it. A few weeks later, I was told that I have to call the parents because one of the parents was a Board member and demanded some sort of closure. I was mad because this happened while I was out of ratio. I thought I did my job by reporting it to the person in charge and filling out an incident report. I refused to make the calls. I talked to my lead teacher about it and she talked to the headmaster, and he suggested that we just drop it. I'm relieved.

Tonight a friend is going to come over and cleanse my apartment of bad spirits...etc... I don't know if I buy into that, but it's always nice to have the company. I have an amethyst stone that needs to be cleansed as well. I hope the smoke doesn't set off the smoke alarm. I need to get some small cleaning done before she comes over. Tomorrow's Friday! Thank God!

On Monday I spent some time with my spiritual director who is a Sister of Mercy and my friend Renee. We were looking at my spiritual director's computer to see if we could figure out why it was being so dang slow. My spiritual director made us dinner and we also got to get a glimpse into her life pre-vatican 2 and thereafter. She showed us a photo album of herself when she was in habit. She said her religious name was Sister Rosaire (spelling?). Both Renee and I had an awesome time looking at the pictures. My spiritual director also writes booksand takes photos. She's great at both. I have all three books that she's written. See the above link for her books.

I think I need a nap.

High on God
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: Chiquitita -- Abba Teens
Hello everyone!

I'm once again flying high on God. I came back from retreat this past Sunday and I had a wonderful time. I was at the Heights with the other retreatants and the Sisters. One of the Sisters gave me a prism (this one is simply a bottle of water (mouthwash had come in it at one time) that reflects the light in all kinds of rainbows). I love it! I felt so much like a little child again at the joy of receiving this unexpected gift. I was sooo excited.

I was able to reflect and pray alot that weekend. I loved praying with the Sisters. I was able to even pass out communion! One of my prayers was definitely answered, and I'm sure that alot more that I don't know about but God does were too. The one that I was aware of was that I'd been praying to see how I could receive the Eucharist every day. (Which is not possible at this point because I work when all masses are in service). The answer to my prayer came in a simple poem that explains that receiving the Eucharist is not simply going to church and getting communion, that it's a giving and receiving of Jesus. This can be done by taking the time to listen to a friend, or in receiving a hug, etc...etc.... I was overjoyed that God is sooo good and answered my prayer in this way.

Here's the poem for your reflection:

THE EUCHARISTHe was old, tired and sweaty pushing His homemade cart down the alley, Stopping now and then to poke around insomebody’s garbage. I wanted to tell him about Eucharist But the look in his eyes, the despair on his face, The hopelessness of somebody else’s life in hiscart, told me to forget it. So I smiled, said “Hi” – and gave him Eucharist.

She was cute, nice build, a little too much paint,Wobbly on her feet as she slid from her barstool, and on the make.
“No thanks, not tonight”, - and I gave her Eucharist.

She lived alone, her husband dead, her familygone, and she talked at you, not to you, words, endless words, spewed out.So I listened – and gave her Eucharist.

Downtown is nice, lights change from red togreen and back again, flashing blues, pinks and oranges, I gulped them in, Said “Thank You Father”, and made them Eucharist.

I laughed at myself, and told myself “You with all your sin and all your selfishness, I forgive you, I accept you, I love you” It’s nice, and so necessary to give yourselfEucharist.

My Father, when will we learn – You cannot talk Eucharist – you cannot philosophize about it. You do it. You don’t dogmatize Eucharist. Sometimes you laugh it, sometimes you cry it, often you sing it. Sometimes it’s wild peace, then crying hurt, often humiliating, never deserved.

You see Eucharist in another’s eyes, give it inanother’s hand held tight, squeeze it in an embrace. You pause Eucharist in the middle of a busyday, speak it in another’s ear, listen to it from a person who wants to talk.

For Eucharist is as simple as being on time and as profound as sympathy, I give you my supper, I give you my sustenance,I give you my life, I give you me. I give you EUCHARIST.

BY: R. Voigt

Isn't this poem so profound???? Anyways... there were alot of associates of the Sisters of Notre Dame at this retreat and several of them asked me if I would consider becoming one. Before I could answer, one of the other associates interrupted them and told them that "This one has a higher calling". I was quite taken aback because I had not told anyone on this retreat that I was discerning a call to religious life. (I don't really see it as a higher calling either). I asked her what she meant, and she answered back that I have the air of the nuns. She thought I'd make a good nun. Is this God at work or what? This is like the second time that someone has said something like this out of the blue.

Peace to you all.

That empty space in my heart
Mood:  special
Now Playing: sound of fish tank because I don't feel like listening to music at the moment
Hello everyone! There's something that I've got on my chest that I have to get off. I attended mass 4 times during Holy Week (I've never done that before in my life), and I just came back into the world with this hole in my heart that I know can only be filled by God. I am sooo much in love with Jesus. So much so that I want to go to mass every day or at least to a communion service so that I can have him in my body every day. I don't ever want this love of mine to go away.

I'm sad though because there is not a daily mass that's in the evening here that I can go to. I work very early in the morning 'til mid-afternoon and I can't leave work to attend mass.

Tomorrow evening I start my retreat. I will pray about this little dilemma there. God is good!

On another note. I need to try to figure out what's wrong with my spiritual director's computer. It's slower than heck and it's not a bad computer, in fact, it's better than mine. But it's sooooo slow. Any ideas of what it could be?

Here comes the rain...and there it went...
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: Cardinals Ballgame on the TV --my dad's watching it
Hello everyone!

Yesterday it rained...and stormed...and lightninged, and rained some more. Our stupid sirens went off (they seem to think it a good idea to put off the tornado sirens when it thunderstorms). Anyways, I spent the day with my spiritual director. I went to Good Friday mass. It was awesome! The church that my spiritual director belongs to is a 360 degree church. A full circle! During the mass, there was a time that we could go up and kiss the cross. That was an awesome experience.

Then we went back to her house and watched the movie Hotel Rwanda. That's a sad movie based on an actual occurance in Rwanda.

Well, anyways, after the movie we had dinner and I worked on her computer for a little while. Anyone know how to fix a slow computer??? Her's is unbelievably slow.

It started storming really bad and she asked me if I'd like to just stay the night there. So I did. That stupid storm kept me awake half the night.

My book came in the mail today. It's called "Marie Rose Julie of Picardy" and was written by a SND. I can't wait to start reading it. It's about Saint Julie Billiart, who is one of my favorite saints.

I spent the day today with my friend Debbie, who is an Oldenburg Franciscan Sister. We went to the thrift stores and ate at Penn Station and icecream at United Dairy Farmers. Then we went to Sharon Woods (a local park) and walked a .6 mile trail. It was fun, though I didn't have my walking shoes on.

Tomorrow is Easter! Jesus is good! May his love bless you all! We're going to mass in the morning and then maybe out to eat.

I'm just here...
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Fish Tank sound too early for anything else

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

Just wanted to share that with you all today! I see my councellor today so I'm happy about that. Though it seems like I see her every week, though it's every other week.

Tomorrow I see that vocation director. I've decided to reflect on the paper she's given me and not to actually write anything down about it. I'll see how that approach goes. It's different than when I did it the first time with the vocation director of the SNDdeN.

I've got to locate cheap plane tickets sometime this week so that I have my service trip to Cleveland taken care of. Why is it that you have to fly to Chicago or Detroit to get somewhere else within your own state??? EEP! Though, I've done it before. Pray that I find cheap tickets. What's with these 300 something dollar tickets? It's not like I'm flying to California or Florida...sheesh.

Time is Ticking Away
Now Playing: Mr. Roboto -- Styx
My middle name is PROCRASTINATE. I've got so much to do and so little time...and guess what I'm doing? Yeah...writing this blog entry... I've made a promise to myself that I will give myself an hour online to do my chatting, blogging, grouping, IMing, etc to get it out of my system before I really cramp down and get my work done.

What do I have to do? I spend alot of time struggling with the first two chapters of the book that the vocation director gave me to read and reflect on. She wants me to be able to talk it over with her. It was one of the more challenging books to read (and I've only read the first two chapters...what will the rest be like?) I spent so much time reading this book and trying to reflect on it, and taking time off to recover from this experience, that I've pushed aside the reflection paper that she gave me to talk about my personal history. I only have today and tomorrow to do it and there's a whole ton of questions on it. EEP!

The second thing that I'd like to get done is a painting for the priest who usually does the Tuesday night mass that I go to at the Mercy Center. His birthday is this week and I'd really love to give him a nice painting. I just don't know what I'd like to paint for him yet. Hopefully God will inspire me in this perspective.

I think I should give the painting first priority since I have to give it to him tomorrow night. I guess if I don't get the paper thing done, I could ask for more time on it.

So there! I'm done with this task, now onto chatting...tee hee.
Peace!

Just Chillin'
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: The Locomotion
The lead teacher in my classroom asked me today if I've ever thought of being a nun. It just came out of the blue. I'd never breathed a word to anyone that I work with that I was thinking about Religious Life. Is this God speaking or what? Is this the neon flashing sign that I keep praying for? This lady isn't even Catholic. I work in a Lutheran School.

Tonight I get to go to Bible study! Woohooo! It's storming here...I hope it doesn't get cancelled. I wonder if I can convince the Sisters to continue our Bible Study past the Lenten season. That would be awesome.

I found something interesting on someone else's blog that I thought I'd post here. Take a look at it and see if it fools you or not. It lists all of the colors, but the color is not written in the color that it says. Here's where I found it. Peace out!

Jobs?
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Cleveland Shuffle
I've been entertaining the idea of looking for another job. I'm currently working with preschoolers and I think that I do better with infants and toddlers. I think that my calling is to work with infants and toddlers.

I've had several people say they'd look into things for me, I even have a phone number...but I haven't done anything about it but talk. Where I work has really good insurance, and I think that maybe I should just put up with the minor things because of that.

Tomorrow we color eggs. It'll be interesting to see how that goes down. Last time I dyed anything, my hands looked like I had bruised them for a week (purple and blue coloring)...LOL! I hope that none of the parents object to having color on their children.

Time Flies
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: Listening to the sound of my fish tank because if I play music this early in the morning, my landlady would kill me
Hi everyone!

Wow! Another month has gone by. Time is definitely flying. I have to work Easter week, but I think I get Good Friday off, so I am soooo looking forward to the break. I wonder if Good Friday is a paid holiday.

I am now in search of a book called the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Does anyone have a copy that they wouldn't mind parting with? I think this book is similar to the Divine Office that many Religious communities pray and I just want to try it out and see if it's for me. If you have a copy that you can spare, e-mail me and let me know or better yet, reply to this post.

I ordered a book off EBay last night called "Marie Rose Julie of Picardy" and I am soooo looking forward to its arrival. It's a book that tells the story of Saint Julie Billiart. I don't think I could ever tire of hearing/reading/learning about her life. I love to tell her story to the kids that I work with (they're preschoolers). The book is paperback and has about 171 or so pages, so it's a longer read, but not as long as some other books that I've read. This is a good thing so that I don't breeze through the book too fast. I usually have any books that I order sent to my parents' house because the mail is kind of iffy down here where I live. At least I know that it won't get taken at my parents' place or it won't get delivered to the wrong address.

Whoops! Had to stop typing for a nosebleed. When the weather changes, I start getting nosebleeds. They're fairly common in my family. It happens to both my mother and father at the change of seasons as well.

I have a prayer request. I saw a friend at mass last night who is a Benedictine Sister, and she told me that they are having their elections the week after Easter. Pray for them.

Speaking of the Benedictines, I guess I am not that informed on their way of life (and why should I be?). I know that they take an additional vow, that of stability, but I am not quite sure of what that really entails. I thought it meant that the Sisters had to stay in one place, but I guess I've got that wrong. I am lucky that I know alot of the vocation directors of different communities. I guess I'd better direct any further questions about that way of life to that particular vocation director.

Today is Wednesday, so that means that I get to go to the Children's Home to see the kids there. I purposely picked hump day to spend time with them because it makes my week seem to go so much faster. I love those kids and maybe some day I will get to be a "Big Sister" to one of them. That would be neat.

Well, I'd better close for now. It's nearly time for me to go to work.

Peace out y'all!

Odds and Ends
Now Playing: We Are Family -- Sister Sledge
Almost time to go to Bible study! This week, we're looking at Martha and Mary in the Bible. I don't have much to say today, I've been kinda bored lately.

I got a new cabbage patch doll the other day (I collect them), and I named her after the two foundresses of the Religious Community that I am discerning with. Her name's Hilligonde Elisabeth.

I also started messing around with Yahoo! Answers. Here's my answers...though I claim not to be the expert on anything. You might enjoy reading what I've been answering.