Confusion
Mood:  quizzical
Well, I'll be doing a live-in with the Sisters in January, but I don't know where or with whom. That's scary in my textbook. This is all in God's hands. I'm scared as heck.

How did Mother Mary handle all of this? I'm sure she had lots of questions for the angel and turned alot of them towards God. I need to pray to be more like her. I bet she was really scared at first too.

I was on retreat on Saturday with the Sisters and some of the associates. It was really nice. We sang alot and also did alot of reflection. We also lit candles in memory of a person who has been a big part of our lives and a big influence. I lit it for my grandma.

A couple of the Sisters and some of the associates said that they'd pray for me. There was a real warmth there. I really felt as if I belonged.

All Nerves
Mood:  special
Now Playing: Radio is on
I'm nervous...tomorrow's the day that my parents will meet my vocation director. I don't know who that's going to be more scary for...me, her, or them. I've tried to prep my vocation director for what my parents might do or say. Mainly, my mom still thinks Religious Life is a cult, and my dad likes to tell jokes about nuns and their rulers. I don't know if Sister knows what she's gotten herself into.

And since there will be four of us in the restaraunt, I wonder how we'll sit. My mom and dad will probably want to sit together, so that puts me on Sister's side. I won't be able to observe her reactions too easily then, but I'll be able to see what my parents' reactions to her will be. She's an extrovert, so this lunch conversation promises to be exciting. There's not a dull moment with an extrovert. My dad's one too, so I think that they'd hit it off. I wonder about my mom though.

So, I know that my vocation director will be nervous about driving up close to where my parents live. I hope to maybe get to the restraunt a little before everyone else to get a place.

Please pray for me that this all goes well.

With my Sisters
Mood:  amorous
Now Playing: Hand Jive
Today I went to a memorial service that the Sisters of Notre Dame had at the Heights for their deceased Sisters. I was nervous to go at first because I didn't know any of the Sisters who had died and I know a handfull of the living Sisters by name.

The mass was nice. There were relatives of the Sisters that had died there, and they were given a candle to remember the Sisters by. There were also carnations available to lay on the gravesite of the deceased Sister.

My friend Renee went with me and her being there helped to ease my nervousness. Somehow my name got on the list of duties. I was on the clean-up crew and helped afterwards to clean up a little.

The provincial, her name is Sr Marla, took the time to show Renee and me the pictures of the Sisters who were being remembered at the mass. She also told a little story from each of their lives and told us what their ministries were. This was very helpful and I left feeling a little better for going because when I went, I didn't know any of the Sisters who had died.

It was nice. Many of the other Sisters remembered both Renee and my names, though I'm quite embarressed to say that I don't remember many of theirs. I hope that that will come with time. I'm so glad that I went!

Halloween! Woohooo!
I'm debating whether or not to dress up for Halloween which is on Tuesday. I'll have to wear whatever I come up with to work. I think that my boss said that we can dress up, so I'm looking forward to that. I'm thinking about being Pippi Longstocking or Punky Brewster, or just some freckle-faced country girl. I will wear my jeans that have the patches on them, and probably one of my scrub tops...probably one of the ones with buttons on it. I'll put my hair up in pigtails or braids, whichever I can get it into. You're going to have to visualize this because my hair is not that long, so whatever that I get it into is going to definitely stick out. LOL, kinda like Pippi. I think that I've got that personality anyways, so this dress-up isn't going to be far from how I am sometimes. LOL! I've been Pippi many times for Halloween, but my hair has always been long enough to braid around a bent coathanger (to make them stick out like Pippi's). Then I'll paint freckles on my face with eye liner and wear mismatched socks maybe. I think it's going to be cute.

Yesterday (Saturday) we celebrated my friend Jessica's birthday. We went to Eden park and had a nice time. Then we went to Newport to see where I work. My boss was kind enough to come over and unlock the center so that I could show my friends inside. After that we went to Cincinnati Mills (a mall here) and I got some nice things. I got some socks that have religious sayings on them. My favorite pair that I found say "God is good!" They have little sheep on them and are blue.

I'll post more later.

Homesick again
Mood:  amorous
I miss my Sisters. I wish I was able to spend more time with them. I'm feeling homesick again and it's for my Sisters. I was invited to a mass for the deceased Sisters and no one that I know is going, but I thought I'd go just so that I'd be able to be near my Sisters. I don't know. The vocation director and my boss are not going, so I am debating back and forth as to if I really want to go or not. If I do go, it would be because I miss my Sisters terribly.

Things
Mood:  not sure
I've been a little sick for the past couple of weeks. I finally went to the doctor because my therapist and my boss told me to... I don't feel all too good about that. It reflects back on myself, doesn't it? The doctor just said that it's allergies. But said that if it doesn't get better in another couple of weeks that I need to go back in for a chest x-ray...goody... I just kept thinking that it would get better on its own. I mean, most allergy related stuff I've ever had was a sinus headache. I've never had anything this bad. So, that's why I thought I'd wait it out to see if it would go away on its own. My mistake.

Now my therapist says that she wants to see me once a week. I think it has something to do with the fact that those stupid recordings in my head have managed to turn themselves back on. At least they have concerning my job. I feel like I'm not on top of things there and that really gets to me. My boss tells me that I am doing very well, I just don't feel like I am. She's been a lifesaver on many occasions. I owe her alot...and am glad that she's one of my Sisters.

I've told her that I don't like it when she calls me Sister Mary Alyson. Though I couldn't really come up with the answer as to why I don't like it yet... She said it was because I am not ready to hear it yet. That seems about right.

The provincial has invited me to come to some of the community functions. Some of them that she named were interesting...like a prayer service for the Sisters who have died this past year... I want to go, I just don't know why yet...it's not like I knew any of those Sisters. Also she invited me to 40 hours which is a display of the Blessed Sacrament for 40 hours. Again, it's nice that I was invited, but what do I do there? Pray....that's the only thing I can think of....

Peace!

Curiouser and Curiouser
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: nothing
Just as Alice in Wonderland said...things around here just keep getting curiouser and curiouser.

I had a strange dream the other night with the pope in it. I spent some time with him before I got to actually stand in line and meet him formally. Anyways...when it came for my turn to meet him, they closed the curtains on me. The pope then peeked out from behind the curtain and said to me... "I'm going to get you." In a good way...
Hmm...wonder what that could mean... It's not often that the pope makes an appearance in my dreams.

I've been kinda sick for the past couple of weeks. My vocation director has bronchitis and my spiritual director also has something... Pray for the both of them. I swear I had nothing to do with this!

I also have a friend who is facing a possible diagnosis of cancer, so please pray for her too. That and my boss has been having allergy problems.

I've been working on my embroidery and am almost done with my star shirt. I have embroidered all kinds of colorful stars on it, and after I finish this last star, I have cute little star buttons for it.

I was finally able to get back to the Children's Home today! I love volunteering with those kids. I'd had to switch my time because my work schedule was changed last month.

I just ordered the second book in this series about a nun named Sister Regina Marie which is supposed to promote vocations. The books are targeted towards girls from age 5-10, I think. I was curious about it so I got the first one which is called "Sister finds a Friend" and is about Sister and her doggie friend. The second book which should come in the mail in a few weeks is called "A Worker for Jesus" and supposedly has nun paper dolls in it...now, I'm just really curious about that... Tee hee. Go have yourself a look.

Here's another picture from my trip last month to Chardon.
Let's see... this is Sister Kate, Sr Sandy, me and Becky standing in front of a Coesfeld cross. It's significant to the congregation that I'm discerning with.

The Aftermath
Mood:  happy
Well, I got back from visiting my friend Sr Sandy who is the youngest Sister of Notre Dame around here in the states. This was the first time that I met her face to face and I had a wonderful time! I went up with my friend Becky and we stayed there from Friday night til Sunday afternoon. We had a blast! I also got to see some of the Sisters that I had met during the Stretch Your Heart expierience that I had done in May.

I was able to spend a little more time in the chapel up in Chardon. That place is HUGE (which is an understatement). There's still something inside of me that "calls" me back to it.

I got to meet a girl named Kelly who is also discerning a call to religious life right now, so it was nice to make that connection. We all went out for icecream and then went swimming!

Here's a picture of all of us.

To say that I had a blast is an understatement as well. I had an absolutely wonderful time. Becky and I stuck around a little for the Sisters' BBQ and Boutique where I met some of the Sisters who are artists. I can really relate to them because I, myself, love to paint and draw and sculpt.

I also got to briefly talk with Sister Kate who is their vocation director. She's the one who was directing the Stretch Your Heart program while I participated.

I just sent my pictures to be developed, so I'll maybe post more when they come back.

And another prayer request:
My vocation director's mother died last week. Please keep that family in your prayers.

Butterflies
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: You Spin Me Right Round-- Billy Idol
I've got butterflies in my stomach about this whole religious life thing. I guess it's more of the fear of the unknown than anything else. Not anything to make me step out of discerning, though. My boss keeps asking me if I've made a decision yet (I have but I am not admitting it to myself yet so that I don't give myself any more butterflies than I need to)... Ha ha! That sounds so strange doesn't it?

The vocation director is ok with me moving ahead and she's been trying to talk with the provincial to get a good idea of what to tell me about living in a house of discernment. I hope that wherever I end up living that they can deal with my late work schedule. That's gonna suck. I don't get off work until 6:00 pm. And that's not going to be changing any time soon. I wonder if I really will move in with the Sisters by January like the vocation director hopes.

The vocation director's mother is really sick. She's been in the hospital for the past few weeks. They were going to release her Tuesday, but she had a stroke. She needs lots of prayers. Please pray for her.

My boss's father is also not doing too well. Please keep him in prayers as well.

On another note, I'm going up to Chardon this weekend to meet one of the novices! I've been waiting a loooong time to get to meet Sister Sandy! I'm going to rent a car and drive up there with my friend Becky. We might get to see where Sr Aloysia is buried (she's one of the foundresses of the Sisters of Notre Dame). That would be soooo cool if we could see that.

We might also run into the Sisters that I met when I did the Stretch Your Heart program in May. It's their province that I'm going to be in. That would be cool too. I'd especially like to see Sr Kate if possible. She's the vocation director in that province. She was very nice.

I am sooooo looking forward to meeting Sandy!!!!

Just Taking a bunch of Quizzes
Mood:  cool
I'm just goofing off today before I get ready for the day. I found lots of online quizzes and took them. Here are some of the results:

Your Birth Month is February

Peaceful and harmonious, you seek the gentle side of life. Your warmth and consideration touches many. Your soul reflects: Purity, modesty, and faithfulness Your gemstone: Amethyst Your flower: Iris Your colors: Purple, yellow, and light blue

Your Personality Cluster is Introverted Intuition

You are: Multilayered and complex. Inspired and driven to achieve your goals. A visionary with a complete life plan. Intuitive enough to understand difficult problems, ideas, and people

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness. You're generally good at balancing work and play. When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done. But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium. You are generally broad minded when it come to new things. But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it. You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.