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"Deadish. As in, they fell over, got back up and started eating each other" -Dawn of the Dead.

28 Days Later. That year's 'zombie' movie. Received rave reviews. WTF?

A company is developing a drug which can turn people psychotic. They live only to destroy, and the virus can be spread by bodily fluids. There is an accident, and the virus escapes from the lab, quickly contaminating the entire British Isle.

Can anyone spell Resident Evil? Here's a hint - 'B-L-A-T-A-N-T-R-I-P-O-F-F". First things first -

zombie

n 1: a dead body that has been brought back to life by a supernatural force  2: (voodooism) a spirit or supernatural force that reanimates a dead body 3: a god of voodoo cults of African origin worshipped especially in West Indies.

Right. Where in that definition does it say - 'people on a somewhat severe mood altering steroid'? These people were not zombies - these were people. A zombie-flick where  the zombies can be dispatched by a few bullets to the chest? No. A tribute to the earlier Romero zombie flicks?

In the first few minutes of the movie, we are treated to a monkey biting someone, who becomes upset and all ragey and stuff. And bites her friends, and everyone else presumably.
<DIRECTOR'S VOICE: Cut to Cillian Murphy's Penis>
A reclothed Cillian wanders the streets. He beats up a, quite frankly, pathetic excuse for an enraged human, never mind a zombie, in the form of a priest. With a bag full of Pepsi cans. He meets some friends. One gets bit. They find new friends. They run away from angry people, in a monster truck cunningly disguised as a British taxi, which manages to drive over the top of a bridge full of cars. Over all the bonnets, broken doors, etc. Oh lookie - we burst a tire. The paintwork's fine though. In a feat to rival any Ferrari pitcrew, they then proceed to physically lift the car, and have the 15 year old girl change the tyre, before the group of angry people have time to run from one end of the tunnel to them. They then go camping, complete with strolls in the woods, and moving scenes of horses galloping. Then they dope up on Valium. Off to the army base, dad gets pissed off with the film and is quickly killed off by the director. Cue rendezous with the soldier people, who are strange, but have hot water.
<DIRECTOR'S VOICE: Cut to Cillian Murphy's Buttocks>
Oh look - a group of soldiers, who have grown crops, cooked food and established perimeter fences, all to keep the giant Triffids out... oh shit. Wait, we've seen this before.
<DIRECTOR'S VOICE: Okay - make all the soldiers really horny>
Ah. That made sense. So, the one moral (yet insane) man attempts to stop the rape attacks, with Cillian. Cue beatings, and removal to execution site. Shoot moral sergeant, and have a quick squabble to let Cillian escape, and jump over the very high, barbed wire... this doesn't work. His hands are tied. He has a shirt on. He jumps over the wall, somehow leaves his shirt stuck in the wire, and lands with his hands still tied. Houdini, eat your heart out.
<DIRECTOR'S VOICE: Hold on - this is a 'deep' movie. Put in some emotion.>
<SOLDIER'S VOICES: Oh my god! He jumped over the wall! He's outside, escaped! The semi-naked, bound and beaten man has jumped out of our safe zone, and is now stranded in hostile territory! This is a disaster!>
<DIRECTOR'S VOICE: Drop it.>
<CILLIAN THINKS: Hmmm... I've escaped. Lessee - instead of sneaking around here, and picking them off one by one, I'll go back into the wilderness and set off the air raid siren, so they come with guns. Oh yes - I've flipped by this point>
<DIRECTOR'S VOICE: Cillian, I've somehow got your shirt off. Ignore any new shirts you find, and run around half-naked in the rain. Ooh, I like that. Does anyone have a towel?>
Cillian then proceeds to kill everyone, is shot, and escapes with the others to some picturesque place. They successfully treat his bullet wound, to the abdomen, and make a big save me sign. And then are saved.

Barney and friends were scarier, and had a larger budget. In a well-written, well-directed script which leaves you thinking, wonders can be pulled off on limited funds. This movie did none of the before mentioned.

That was not a zombie movie. That was a 'humans are beasts' movie. Anyone who thinks that was a zombie movie should be shot.

That was not an original, or groundbreaking movie. The virus' conception, concept, and form of transmission has been done and redone to death, most recently by Resident Evil. All other ideas in the movie were pretty much adapted from Day of the Triffids.

The characters are inconsistent, and flat. The 'cold-hearted, tough killer' played by Naomi Harris quickly becomes unable to fight, and ... she just becomes lame, okay? None of the rest of them were given enough time to develop, or form any bond with the audience.

This was not, repeat, was not, a horror movie. More time was spent in the countryside than in any sort of horrifying situation.

The movie ends 56 days after it begins. The 'undead', which have received much praise from the more commercial reviewing boards, have all starved to death. The audience has survived, dismembered from gnawing off limbs during the film, lobotomized from bashing their heads against the wall, and left with all of their fond memories of zombie stories shattered forever. No amount of creative manipulation should have been enough to save this movie from the death that it was proscribed.

"The End Is Very Fucking Nigh." If only.