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How To Be Insane - Stage 1
1. Jump up and down singing:
'Doo wop trout doo dee (plaice tra la me) x2 Wurble cancer to the square root of the kangaroo's toe nail best friend called zogble the carrots are nice with chimneys....... my brain has just resigned.'
Sing to the tune of 'three blind mice'.
(Handy Hint - Do this in front of someone very important eg. teacher, boss, parent, next door's pet goat, satan)
2. Tie two socks on your arms and wear a brightly coloured item of clothing eg. orange coat and run around the streets of your local city waving your arms around and screaming
'walrus walrus walrus cabbage' 127 times.
(Handy Hint - Do this during a very busy day like Wednesdays when all the other lower people are shopping for new trainers.)
3. Have a conversation with the village idiot and have competitions on who is more stupid. To win, follow these simple instructions.
Pig Wrestling
Tie four corn on the cobs to your arms and your legs then jump into a pig pen full of pigs that have not eaten for one and a half weeks.
OR The Grater
Take a cheese grater and grate your elbow and squeeze on a lemon.
(Handy Hint - If you can't find a lemon, use vinegar)
4. Smile lots and never answer anybody's questions. Just stare into the distance!
HEALTH WARNING: Never Do This For Longer Than 10 Minutes Or Your Head Will Fall Off.
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5. Make a group called 'La Resistance' and plot to take over the world by stealing all of the queens grapes.
(Handy Hint - Have a secret meeting place eg. on top of a building and practise laughing like this: Mwa ha ha ha ha! For when you are ruler of the world.
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How To Be Insane - Stage 2
1. Make up your own language and have conversations with other people who don't understand. eg. acns oyu saps hte leehpnant? = can you pass the elephant?
(Handy Hint - Do this to thick people)
2. When you are in the next physics lesson or meeting when someone asks you a question, reply with 'To find the velocity of the cabbage you must divide the paper with the nine inch nails are cupboard cheese and tomato cows with pickled eyeballs taste nice with salt donkeys and mule's eyelashes. Then sprinkle the remains with lime.'
(Handy Hint - Say this as loud as you can and stand on a chair/stool/elephant/colin the camel)
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