Midnight Ramblings...

• It's late at night/early in the morning kinda time
• You really really can't sleep
• You've read a book until your eyes are numb
• You've read mindless magazines until your brain is numb
• You've played solitaire on the computer until your life has degenerated into a pit of nothingness
• You can't even risk logging on the net for fear of waking the little sibling (damn him to hell, he must die!)
• Finally, in desperation, you decide to spend your hours writing an insane HTML document.
• As you can see, this is the product.

Well, my friends, welcome to the insane regions of my tired, sleep-deprived little mind. You know they say that deprivation of proper REM sleep can cause mental problems, paranoia and eventually insanity? Well, it's true.

Argh! No! My early morning (think 1am) typing-ness activities have been rumbled by the Mother. Noooo! Luckily she has gone... gone... I managed to convince her I'm not on the net. I'm not!

Anyhoo, I can't even log on now! I'm having to type this all on NotePad! Is there anything worse? Well, actually I can think of many things worse. Lets see...

• Having your toes bitten off by ravenous llamas.
• Ten hours of compulsory high-jump in PE lessons.
• Being kidknapped by rabid squirrels.
• Choking to death on your own tonsils.
• Growing until your head was the size of a pea in relation to your body.
• Being stalked by phone and internet by someone you never want to see again (ahem).
• Being trampled by a herd of stempedeing yaks.
• Being caught and taken to Screw-HQ against your will.
• Never sleeping again and writing crap like this for the rest of your life!!!

Well, this is fun. And boring, as I have no-one to talk to! I know, I'll have a conversation with myself, I mean my good friend the Big Orange Fat Satsuma.

Me: Yelloh, Bofs.
Bofs: Hey Sarargh. How are you today?
Me: It's not today, it's tomorrow, as it's past midnight!
Bofs: Are you sure that doesn't mean it is today, as it is today right at this very moment?
Me: Hmmm. I suspect you're right. Shut up!
Bofs: Well well well, you just can't take it when you're wrong, can you?!
Me: Yes I can! I'm not wrong! I was being hypothetical!
Bofs: You probably don't know what that word even means...
Me: Well, I can type it, which I suspect is a lot more than you can do...
Bofs: Yeah, well it's late. I mean early.
Me: HAH! See! Now, who's always right, Mr Know-nothing-know-it-all?
Bofs: You shut your mouth, Sarargh! Don't you speak to me like that, you freakish humanoid with the inability to sustain a sensible sleeping pattern!!
Me: Get bent! You're nothing but a satsuma thats been peeled and wrapped in sellotape and given a plastic hat and feet and has now gone mouldy!!!
Bofs: *sob sob sob* *runs off crying like a little kumquat.

Um, what shall I do now.... There's not much really else. Hang on, I have the entire power of my imagination! There is loads I can think of to do and say! Let's see, what am I thinking right now....

Kumquats are a nice fruit, though they really are a lot more bitter than I originally anticipated. Bitter reminds me of coffee too - I first liked that at Red Cross with Becka - yum, I like coffee. Kat has coffee at her house, which looks nicer than the coffee at mine as it has caffeine in it. Damn my over-hyper mother - I need caffeine too! No, too much talk about coffee. The bathroom is all the way downstairs and I fear I have become surgically attatched to my computer chair, which is a bit of a bummer as my bed is all the way across the room... no, too much exercise - hey, I exercised today! I did groovy morris dancing- not the poo kind with bells and hankies but the groovy type where you wear a mask and his big sticks. Yeah! Hitting things! That's fun. Get one of those meat mallets and bash strawberries with it. That's a very satisfying, though you have to time is exactly right - let your little bro walk into the room and hand him the mallet just before the parent comes in so he gets a bollocking and not you - yeah! Always try to wangle your way out of a punishment. That is true. Ehich rhyms with moo. Hey, cows say that! People can be scared of cows, and we say Why? because they are herbivores and dont eat us, but humans dont generally eat other humans (mwa ha ha ha ha) but we still kill each other. So we are all cows at heart. So maybe, that means we can all communicate in cow language! Moo moo mooo moo moo moo moo, moooooo moo moo moo mooo moo moo mooooo moo moo moo mooo, moo moo moooo moo moo moo moo mo, moooo mooo moo moo, moo moo moooo moo mooo moo moo, mooo moooo moo moo mooo moo moo moooo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moooo moooo, moooo moo mooo moo moooo, moo mooo moo moooo moo.........

And so it continues.

Oh yeah, I have a picture to show you exactly what I am doing on the computer (nothing like that you dirty-minded people - I am as saintly as a nun (ahem) ) - I warn you - this picture is shocking in it's display of my complete sadness and overall nerdiness:

Well, I'm gonna leave now folks... could I actualkly be feeling sleepy???...... Nooo, must be trick of the mind.. the mind... the mind...................