Month Three
2004 - In an awkward turn of events, the Detroit Red Wings win the Superbowl.
2005 - Spider-Man cries when Episode III kills Spider-Man II at the box office. He cries some more when Jar Jar dies in Episode III.
2006 - Chess replaces baseball as national pastime.
2009 - Mega Man settles down with Mega Woman, has Mega Kids.
2010 - Kids begin a boycott of the Catholic Church after...no, that's too tasteless.
2013 - Kelly Savial quits job as Tooth Fairy and starts dancing for money.
2015 - Mr. Rossman, Elmwood superintendent, becomes the Dorito Eating Champion of the World.
2016 - Hockey fans are horrified when they find out what a Vancouver Canuck is.
2017 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles meet their archenemies, the Middle-Aged Abnormal Boxing Tortoises.
2018 - Eminem meets his dream woman, a female rapper named "Skittle."
2021 - Strom Thurmond grows really long ears and starts calling himself Yoda. Strom Thurmond Jr. allies himself with the Dark Side of the Force. A lightsaber battle ensues; both are killed by Boba Fett.
2023 - Children 12 and older finally realize that drugs really ARE the answer.
2024 - "Survivor 12: New Jersey" debuts on CBS. The survivors are forced to eat from "Fingerless Frank's Mystery Tacos" snack stand.
2026 - Giant flying turtles and piranha plants try to take over the world. Screw Superman, we need Mario!
2027 - Mayonnaise replaces pizza as the favorite American food.
2029 - The Dasani water people decide to quit BSing people and call their new product "Faucet Water."
**Ed. Note: The following line, as well as another further down the list, was censored from the school newspaper. I in no way support censorship, but I understand that stuff like this shouldn't be put in a school newspaper. Thank you for your time.**
2033 - Boba Fett legally changes his name to Boba Fuct.
2035 - Season finale of "Friends" reveals that Ross and Joey are gay; Rachel is a man.
2036 - The Pokemon fad dies off after Pikachu is killed in a drive-by shooting by Jigglypuff.
2039 - Ewan McGregor caught with his pants down with an underage Jawa in an undisclosed Mos Eisley cantina.
2041 - Dick Clark finally keels over.
2045 - Terrorists take out a few of the inbred states (West Virginia, Iowa, etc.). Nobody notices/cares.
2048 - Boba Fuct gets himself cloned. He trains the clones to rob houses. Every time someone gets robbed by these clones, they shout "Oh no, we've been Fuct!"
2051 - God gets nostalgic and releases a bunch of dinosaurs onto the world. For fear that he might join the dinosaurs, judge sentences Barney to life imprisonment."
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