Captain Knockers

and the

Islamic Goat Herders of Death

based on a true story

Chapter Ten: Captain Knockers vs the Cock Creatures of Doom (part two)

A heated battle ensued between the Captain and the Cock Creatures. But their numbers were vast, and soon the Captain would be overpowered. The fact his pants were burned off by the explosive diarhoea didnt help either. But just as the Captain was about to concede defeat and have his anus torn to shreds, Elton John arrived, putting the "ASS" back in assistance.

It is an unknown fact that Elton John is actually a Nazi*

"Hallelujah!" cried the Captain. "Not one Elton John, but two! Oh no, hang on, its Justin Timberlake of N`Sync fame!"

"Well slap my buns and call me a fuckmonster - its time for some arse fucking!" exclaimed Elton John. And so Elton gave the order "PANTS OFF!" and the battle began....

Captain Knockers stood back exhausted and watched the Battle of Sodomy. Never before had he seen such arse ramming, not even on one of his wild homoerotic romps during his air-traffic control school days.

Just as the battle seemed to be favouring Elton and his gay sidekick, Justin Timberlake let out a high pitched girly scream. His anus had been completely destroyed! All that was left of it was a pool of blood on the floor and some liquid feces.

A hastily drawn sketch of a cock creature

Meanwhile, in the Swiss Alps, a young overwight boy ponders his health over a pot of cottage cheese. He had spent his entire school holidays trying to lose weight desperately, but to no avail. His last chance was a bunch of videos that had been recommended to him by his physician: the complete collection of "The Scat Party Work out Tapes" including "Golden Abs Golden Showers," "Buns Of Steel, Buns of Brown," and "The Ultimate Enema Workout."

"DONT JUST STAND THERE YOU FAT LITTLE TURD!!!" exclaimed his mother. "SCATERCISE!!!!!!! You've been to Tae Bo, you've done the AB CRUNCH!!!!! But have you done the Stool Squat? Or the cholera curls? LETS GET BUSY!!!!!"

After placing his penis in the cottage cheese and then into the rectum of a goat he thinks "I must buy that new Craig David DVD....."

Craig David - Born to take it up the arse

From many miles away, The Cock Creatures of Doom sense the fat boys wish by telekinesis. "My God!" they exclaim. "A Craig David fan we havent yet sodomised! Lets get out of here!"

As the Cock Creatures disappear into the distance, an uneasy feeling surrounds the captain and crew. They have won with the assistance of Elton John, but they fear this isnt the last theyve heard of these sinister beings.

Elton John had contributed to this battle, and suffered heavily with the death of his side-kick. It should have been an heroic episode, but it was not to be. Elton's parents had just found out their son was gay, and his father had gone boonta with rage, vowing to kill his son.

Aaah the fresh smell of death in the morning

Elton's father fed him many tranquilsers until he passed out. He then carefully stripped all the skin off his body, and removed his kidneys and spleen. Elton was then left in a cool dark room, and as the tranquilsers wear off he slowly felt the pain creeping in.... until his father rushed in and bludgeoned him with a sledge hammer. "That was for Crocodile Rock, you poof" he taunted at his sons bloody corpse before leaving Elton to die in a pool of his own blood and cartilage.

next

NOTE: One of the writers would like to apologise on behalf of the manic outburst of excessive and unnecessary violence from the other writer, and would also like to apologise to all fans of Elton John.*

*this may not be true