Warning: Contains Some Explicit Language!

"My site is not for porn lovers!!!!" - Thursday, May 31, 2001

• "Sometimes ya just don't know." - Saturday, August 26, 2000

• "I don't like old things." –Thursday, August 31, 2000

• "As long as it gets done on time, it doesn't matter when it happens." - Friday, September 1, 2000

• "I am library-dumb." - Monday, September 4, 2000

• "One day I saw my nose move and I was like, 'I can do that!'" - Monday, September 4, 2000

• "Yeah, I'll spew out a hundred spit things and put them on the spit things." - Monday, September 4, 2000

• "I don't understand this at all...it's like a piece of poop." - Thursday, September 7, 2000

• "I'm not very good at things." - Tuesday, September 12, 2000

• "That is some crazy poop." - Tuesday, September 12, 2000

• "It's Melissa's known fact that clumsy people are stupid people." - Tuesday, September 12, 2000

• "We should save all the crunchy things and then put them in a jar and bury them and dig 'em up in five years and see if they're still there." - Tuesday, September 12, 2000

• "I feel like I'm gonna barf in my throat. Lemme shove this down my throat and barf." - Tuesday, September 12, 2000

• "Nakedness and me just don't mix." - Wednesday, September 27, 2000

• "Why would you want to sleep with the dust balls?" - Saturday, October 21, 2000

• "I could sleep in here if it didn't stink." - Thursday, December 7, 2000

• "I don't know if I'll have to pee too...it'll probably just come out." - Tuesday, December 19, 2000

• "I like this Christmas tree - it's not stabby." - Friday, December 22, 2000

• "Bounce on me!" - Wednesday, January 3, 2001

• "Get me in that pipe!" - Wednesday, January 3, 2001

• "Not only that, they're old! What other purpose do they serve?" - Wednesday, January 3, 2001

• "You know what? This expires July 2000...do you still want to eat it?" - Saturday, January 6, 2001

• "Fourth period I had...what's that called? The cutting stuff...Industrial Arts!" - Saturday, January 6, 2001

• "September 12th was a very big thinking day for me." - Saturday, January 6, 2001

• "Yeah, don't be [worried] though, they won't eat you." - Wednesday, January 10, 2001

• "That isn't good for the bladder though." - Wednesday, January 10, 2001

• "Shit! I do shit like that all the time!" - Tuesday, January 30, 2001

• "If I rub this on the corn, it tastes corny. It really does!" - Thursday, February 8, 2001

• "I need money, but I don't want to work." - Tuesday, February 13, 2001

• "Screw reading." - Tuesday, February 13, 2001

• "I want the dirty ball." - Wednesday February 14, 2001

• "Does he have holes in his tongue?" - Sunday, February 18, 2001

• "I don't know if I have any pockets in my butt or not." - Sunday, February 18, 2001

• "I don't like anything that takes effort!" - Sunday, February 18, 2001

• "I think I will be a bum with a 120,000 dollar education." - Sunday, February 18, 2001

• "I can't spell, therefore I am not brilliant." - Sunday, February 18, 2001

• "'Melissa' sounds like 'melanoma.' That's not good!" - Tuesday, February 27, 2001

• "Wow, that must've been a real thinking dream!" - Sunday, March 4, 2001

• "I don't like Mexican [food]...maybe because I'm American?" - Saturday, March 17, 2001

• "I don't even remember what I’m wearing today. Oh yeah!" - Saturday, March 17, 2001

• "You're not gonna eat me, I'm gonna eat you!" - Sunday, March 18, 2001

• "I am worth perfection." - Sunday, March 18, 2001

• "If anyone wants to fuck with me, I'll fuck back!" - Tuesday, March 20, 2001

• "Get in there! You're not Catholic!" - Tuesday, March 20, 2001

• "I wiped myself with my hand at the theater." - Wednesday, March 21, 2001

• "Ya shouldn't shove things up there...well, some things, but not instruments!" - Wednesday, March 21, 2001

• "I hate people. Everyone should die!" - Wednesday, March 21, 2001

• "I like the hard ones." - Wednesday, March 23, 2001

• "I almost died today. Leave me alone!" - Monday, March 26, 2001

• "Ew! What is that? That just looks...yummy." - Wednesday, March 28, 2001

• "You ordered that. Now eat it or else I'll have to look at it!" - Wednesday, March 28, 2001

• "A, B, C, D, E...Stop laughing at me!" - Wednesday, March 28, 2001

• "I can't go to class without clothes!" - Friday, March 30, 2001

• "Shmrocious." - Friday, March 30, 2001

• "I stayed over too, and I look like a cheap whore!" - Sunday, April, 1 2001

• "Shit. Eat shit. It's yummy!" - Monday, April, 2 2001

• "I'm gonna eat this food. Even if I have to barf it up, I'm still gonna eat it!" - Monday, April, 2 2001

• "He's kickin' his own ass! Yeah!" - Monday, April, 2 2001

• "She insulted you. Shoot her up the crack!" - Monday, April, 2 2001

• "We need metal eyes." - Monday, April, 2 2001

• "Maybe he's taking a shit in the shower." - Tuesday, April, 3 2001

• "Mud equals silt and clay." - Tuesday, April, 3 2001

• "There's a lot of gay kids tonight." - Tuesday, April, 3 2001

• "As long as I don't have a tumor, I'm happy." - Saturday, April, 7 2001

• "Whor-el, like L'Oreal." - Saturday, April, 7 2001

• "I'm not educating myself about my Mac. I'm gonna throw it away. I'm gonna beat it with a cane!" - Sunday, April, 8 2001

• "Yay! It's coming! It's coming SIDEWAYS!" - Sunday, April, 8 2001

• "It smelled like rotten pee that had been there for three days. It was gross!" - Monday, April 9, 2001

• "I hate that class. It should die!" - Tuesday, April 17, 2001

• "Yes...we...are. I can hear myself twice! Maybe four times if it's a good echo!" - Sunday, April 22, 2001

• "Where's my butt? Oh yeah, there it is!" - Sunday, April 22, 2001

• "Fuck the biblioteca!" - Sunday, April 22, 2001

• "He's like a mom in a library." - Sunday, April 22, 2001

• "I want a tan, dammit!" - Monday, April 30, 2001

• "She spent $6.43 on that piece of shit? I mean...the lovely gifts?" - Monday, April 30, 2001

• "Emaciated. That's too big for my vocabulary, dumbass." - Monday, April 30, 2001

• "I don't have track marks...I'm not on drugs. Well, I don't think I have any track marks..." - Monday, April 30, 2001

• "You're gonna make me cry if you don't let me play with those damn Legos!" - Monday, April 30, 2001

• "Maybe I should try that thinking thing more often." - Monday, April 30, 2001

• "I think with my head, ya know." - Monday, April 30, 2001

• "If I were out here naked, I would be happy." - Wednesday, May 2, 2001

• "They're like rubber: they won't die." - Wednesday, May 2, 2001

• "I want a butt print too!" - Thursday, May 17, 2001

• "I can walk on my butt, watch!" - Friday, May 18, 2001

• "Just having fun at the expense of a loser." - Tuesday, May 22, 2001

• "That would be so awesome it would be like ohhhhhhhhh." - Tuesday, May 22, 2001

• "I just typed in "BJ" for "Beacon Journal" trying to get their site and got porn!" - Thursday, May 31, 2001

• "Be right back, I have to go look at some porn....no, actually I am getting food!" - Thursday, May 31, 2001

• "Thanks for the membership, ass!" - Monday, June 4, 2001

• "I don't scream about important things - I scream about dropping ice cream. I'm messed!" - Monday, June 4, 2001

• "You could smear poop on it and lessen the lighting!" - Tuesday, June 5, 2001

• "These are my people pants!" - Tuesday, June 5, 2001 *LOOK AND LISTEN*

• "Shopping for people pants makes me hot!" - Tuesday, June 5, 2001

• "Me and my people pants are outta here!" - Tuesday, June 5, 2001

• "Happy people on the people pants." - Tuesday, June 5, 2001

• "I'd rather buy a piece of shit than the people pants for 58 bucks!" - Tuesday, June 5, 2001

• "I should get rolls because I have people pants!" - Tuesday, June 5, 2001

• "I have to pee. I don't want to pee in the people pants though." - Tuesday, June 5, 2001

• "We not drunk!" - Wednesday, June 6, 2001

• "If people held all their problems inside, they'd be like crazy!" - Saturday, June 23, 2001

• "I hate flea market people." - Saturday, June 23, 2001

• "Everything's flea-infested at the flea market!" - Saturday, June 23, 2001

• "He's just a big gay blob." - Saturday, June 23, 2001

• "People today are just getting stranger and stranger!" - Tuesday, July 10, 2001

• "So anyway, this chicken gave me this postcard and I have it." - Tuesday, July 10, 2001

• "I did not want to see boobs right then. Oh look, there's a butt! That's nice." - Tuesday, July 10, 2001

• "Maybe someone was having poop sex in there and that was the leftovers." - Tuesday, July 10, 2001

• "I'm not getting up early Tuesdays and Thursdays if I already have to get up early Monday-Wednesday-Friday. I'm not doing it!" - Monday, July 31, 2001

• "Just do what is best for you and your future....I sound like a commercial or something!" - Sunday, August 4, 2001

• "It's hamster time!" - Tuesday, August 7, 2001

• "Sometimes I wonder if I even have a mind at all!" - Tuesday, August 7, 2001

• "Do you know that Chinese dish? It starts with three letters." - Tuesday, August 7, 2001

• "I'm different!" - Tuesday, August 7, 2001

• "Get up there...underwear!" - Tuesday, August 7, 2001

• "I hate healthy food...I don't eat anything that is healthy!!" - Tuesday, August 7, 2001

• "It's a secret that I wear deoderant...shhhh!" - Wednesday, August 8, 2001

• "Put [the money] away. I'll eat it if you don't!" - Thursday, August 9, 2001

• "I'm gonna smack Spaceballs on you!" - Thursday, August 9, 2001

• "I can't think creative!" - Thursday, August 9, 2001

• "Is there a donut problem in isle three?" - Thursday, August 9, 2001

• "The few, the proud, the British." - Friday, August 10, 2001

• "If your legs were 12 feet long you could see into the bedrooms." - Saturday, August 18, 2001

• "He took my French thing. I want it back!" - Thursday, August 23, 2001

• "I have a high tolerance for alcohol...I've decided." - Saturday, September 1, 2001

• "I like to be annoying and have lots of fun." - Sunday, September 2, 2001

• "Half cheetah...half man! Hahhhh!!!!" - Sunday, September 2, 2001

• "Somebody shit on a dog's face?" - Sunday, September 2, 2001

• "I finally chopped off his face and his antlers were still moving." - Sunday, September 2, 2001

• "It's Labor Day...you're supposed to work." - Sunday, September 2, 2001

• "Yay! I'm glad it wasn't a long poopie." - Wednesday, September 5, 2001

• "Shit is tasty." - Thursday, September 6, 2001

• "I like bread in my hair." - Thursday, September 6, 2001

• "Can I do it wet?" - Friday, September 7, 2001

• "I'm A.D.D...I've decided." - Monday, September 10, 2001

• "I'm in Wooster, where the hell is this?" - Monday, September 17, 2001

• "Pigs are cute, but they aren't cute to eat." - Thursday, September 20, 2001

• "I just picked something weird off of my eye...it's like liquid, but it's not." - Sunday, September 23, 2001

• "For English, you poop out a book and that's your I.S." - Monday, September 24, 2001

• "Oh my God, she just boobified my money!" - Thursday, September 27, 2001

• "It smelled like somebody pooped on my toothbrush!" - Thursday, September 27, 2001

• "I have a good sense of direction...except when I don't know where I'm going. Kinda." - Friday, September 28, 2001

• City Yellow Cab is white! City Yellow Cab is white! Look look look!" - Friday, September 28, 2001

• "It's just safer to play it safe." - Friday, September 28, 2001

• "Skull Day sucks!!!" - Friday, October 5, 2001

• "I want to throw this pen at her. If I was invisible I would, but I'm not, so I can't." - Friday, October 5, 2001

• "I'm vegetarian tonight. Yes, I've decided" - Sunday, October 7, 2001

• "Horticulture is when you use pigs and crap and go out and farm." - Wednesday, October 10, 2001

• "I've never actually seen a live dildo before." - Saturday, October 13, 2001

• "I should take a crap all over the leather coats." - Monday, October 15, 2001

• "I'm gonna throw rocks at the trick-or-treaters!" - Monday, October 15, 2001

• "She boobified my pills!" - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "Stop boobifying everything!" - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "I'm boob...wait a second." - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "I'm poopie." - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "Everything's poopie...it smells poopie in here." - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "That's a fun poopie way!" - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "I'm gonna scare them because I'm gonna poop on somebody!" - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "The pills are like bunnified now!" - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "I'm cooped up, I can be pooped up too!" - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "OK! I love poop, start over!" - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "Poop is so nice...it's such a relief when it comes out." - Friday, October 19, 2001

• "I don't have a barn, buster." - Saturday, October 27, 2001

• "If it weren't her birthday, I'd bitch her out!" - Saturday, October 27, 2001

• "I hate Thanksgiving. Food sucks!" - Friday, November 2, 2001

• "I need a quickie and a cookie. Oops! Did I say that out loud?!" - Friday, November 2, 2001

• "I have a penis hole!" - Thursday, November 29, 2001

• "I want penis pants!" - Thursday, November 29, 2001

• "It's porno...let's go." - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "Did he piss or did he crap? I want details!" - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "I broke Ambiance!" - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "I have a confession...I haven't pooped today!" - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "This is cool! The purse, reverse...is...reverse purse! Reverse...it rhymes! Purse reverse!" - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "Are you laughing at me? Am I laughing at me?" - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "He's being fuck!" - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "My liver hurts!" - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "Can I have an alcohol ticket? I should go ask for one." - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "Everybody! I had farm...behind my garage...and grew—I hearded, before we got the barn, before we got the barn—wait a minute! We didn't have a barn! Before we got the strawberries, I had rabbits! You guys! I have to pee again! Before...owwwwwwww!!! Ted's getting mad, I'm so sorry. Before we had strawberries, we had bunnies. We started out with two, and then, one died, and we had one, and then, no we had one, and then we got another grey bunny, and then we got another one, and the two mated. Snowball and Smokalena, which I don't know, I must have been on something. Anyway, the mated...they 'did it'...and...they fucked themselves through a screen even, so they must have been doing some pretty funky mating. But anyway, they mated, and Smokalena had babies, she had two of them. Wait a minute, before that though she had babies before but she had them in the winter so they all died. And they were really weird because they didn't have fur, so they were all, like, messed up and gross looking...and I think she ate them 'cause some of them were gone...but I'm not too sure about that though. But anyway, they had two—listen! They had 2 babies, and then, one of the babies died 'cause I think the other rabbit beat it up or something, and the bugs ate it or something, so it died. And then we were left with Spike, the one rabbit that we had at the very beginning, and then the grey rabbit, one of the babies. And I think the others died, I'm not too sure. I don't really remember right now, I'll tell you later. But um, anyway, we didn’t want to take care of them anymore, and they got kind of wild so we gave 'em away, but they were dwarf rabbits, they weren't like big rabbits. They were small rabbits. But then after we got rid of the rabbits, um, we built a strawberry patch. And we had strawberries...and, they were like, they were like, small strawberries, but...they were still really good. They were still like really sweet and stuff, so it was still good. Stop it! Don't show the ears...I'm tired...I'm really hot...but that's the story of the farm. We never had a barn like I said earlier. I'm not sure where I got that." - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "Oh my gosh, this is so funny! We had crayons as a kid—most people have crayons—you know, we had that huge tub of crayons though, and for some reason…whatever. I had fucking crayola crayons, or something like that, I don't know, but anyway I had crayons. They were all different colors, like red, blue, that doesn't matter. Anyway my dog, Spunky, liked to eat them. And so, and we let him outside to take a shit or whatever, piss, whatever, dogs do that. So anyway, he was pissing all over our yard, poopin' and stuff. What are you laughing at? So, anyway...ok, anyway, the dog would eat crayons, and he would poop, and the crayons would come out so he'd have colorful poop. He had like, we took a picture of it, I still have it somewhere. He had colorful poop, like red poop, and yellow poop, and orange poop, and red poop, and green poop, and yellow poop, and purple poop, and orange poop—and red poop! I think black poop, it's kinda natural. Maybe not black poop, but dark brown, so I don’t know." - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "What happened to poop, and why is he so mad at me?" - Friday, November 30, 2001

• "I would never want to live in New York. I don't like crazy places." - Monday, December 17, 2001

• "Homeless people annoy me!" - Thursday, December 20, 2001

• "I don't think I'd stand a chance in jail...I'd end up somebody's bitch!" - Monday, December 31, 2001

• "I wish I was like a 300 lb man just for a second so I could kick the shit out of him!" - Saturday, January 5, 2002

• "Florida is a big city." - Sunday, January 6, 2002

• "They've been in almost every hole in my body!" - Monday, January 7, 2002

• "I'm Japanimation!" - Sunday, January 13, 2002

• "I wanna get my butt pierced!" - Friday, January 25, 2002

• "I like to drink warm shit...yum!" - Friday, January 25, 2002

• "I like myself...it's a compliment!" - Friday, February 1, 2002

• "I just went to fuckyou.com and I got porn, but it wasn't good porn. It was just boobs." - Sunday, February 10, 2002

• "Guys, don't get vodka up your nose. That's Melissa's tip of the day." - Saturday, February 16, 2002

• "People do drugs and alcohol at the same time and they dont die." - Saturday, February 16, 2002

• "You're a dork! Get out of your own room!" - Saturday, February 16, 2002

• "You guys, my vagina is numb! I can't feel!" - Saturday, February 16, 2002

• "Class? Never heard of it!" - Wednesday, February 20, 2002

• "My license is a library card!" - Friday, March 1, 2002

• "This thing pushes you up. It's like a weight, that pushes you up." - Tuesday, March 5, 2002

• "The Princess and Yoshi are the same. They're just different." - Tuesday, March 5, 2002

• "I am the flag!" - Monday, March 18, 2002

• "I'm not going to work there, I'm going to own there!" - Tuesday, March 19, 2002

• "It's just like Christmas!! But not!" - Monday, March 25, 2002

• "Only fat people eat the fat!" - Tuesday, March 26, 2002

• "I know I'm not drunk because I would not drive and I would not buy Indians tickets on eBay!" - Sunday, March 31, 2002

• "I was in my own little world...I was on the floor!" - Sunday, March 31, 2002

• "Advice: Brush your teeth in the bathroom!" - Tuesday, April 2, 2002

• "I just want to go to an alcohol meeting and when they ask, 'Where do you see yourself at twenty?' I'll say, 'DEAD!'" - Wednesday, April 3, 2002

• "I'm the captain of Team Diggs! I'm the captain! I'm the captain!" - Wednesday, April 3, 2002

• "I'm gonna die from liver cancer!" - Friday, April 5, 2002

• "She gave me herpes on my elbow!" - Friday, April 5, 2002

• "Is this a smackable ass?!" - Friday, April 5, 2002

• "They told me to change because I'm hot...in more ways than one!" - Friday, April 5, 2002

• "I'm just gonna do half a shot...I have a little mouth!" - Saturday, April 6, 2002

• "See it's ok...'cause everybody spits on my floor!" - Saturday, April 6, 2002

• "I don't want to get fucked up the poop shoot!" - Saturday, April 6, 2002

• "My hands are in my crotch, but that's okay because it is a nice warm place!" - Tuesday, April 9, 2002

• "Honestly, I just like to see people suffer." - Tuesday, April 9, 2002

• "I don't do gay boys." - Friday, April 19, 2002

• "The first baby born from the butt!" - Wednesday, April 24, 2002

• "Listen to that. There's crap in the cough." - Friday, April 26, 2002

• "I will be happy for you later." - Friday, April 26, 2002

• "I am being haive!" - Friday, April 26, 2002

• "If I was writing a paper, it would be right." - Friday, April 26, 2002

• "I like anything straight." - Friday, April 26, 2002

• "How can you be hungry...I've eaten 400 calories of alcohol today." - Saturday, April 27, 2002

• "Exclamation dot!" - Wednesday, May 1, 2002

• "As we speak, some little ounces are going out and some little ounces are going in." - Friday, May 3, 2002

• "I know. I'm a good drunk." - Friday, May 3, 2002

• "I am nothing without vodka...I am everything with vodka!" - Friday, May 3, 2002

• "You can't be part of Team Poo if you don't put your apron on!" - Sunday, May 12, 2002

• "Watch, he is missing a leg or something!" - Tuesday, May 28, 2002

• "Let's let her in before the bullet hits her!" - Thursday, June 6, 2002

• "He needs to get out of el baño and we need answers!" - Wednesday, June 12, 2001

• "Beauty leads to rape." - Sunday, June 16 2002

• "Hey I pooped twice the other day and that is a rarity for me!" - Monday, June 17, 2002

• "Gots me rainbow!" - Monday, June 17, 2002

• "I'll take her fat and put it in my boobs." - Thursday, June 20, 2002

• "I am not that morbid and I would be sad if I killed you...I will kill a snake though." - Friday, June 21, 2002

• "Yes, I have decided not to poop in toilets anymore and prefer the trash can instead." - Saturday, June 22, 2002

• "I wish I had a scary man looking down at me at night!" - Monday, June 24, 2002

• "I love all kinds of sex." - Wednesday, June 26, 2002

• "You're welcome...I try to be dumb whenever I can." - Monday, July 1, 2002

• "I don't think you would be happy living in a sewer." - Monday, July 1, 2002

• "Poop is cold, fire is hot." - Tuesday, July 2, 2002

• "I don't know what it was, but it had pinchers on its butt." - Thursday, July 4, 2002

• "Sorry about that, had to go to el baño fasto." - Thursday, July 4, 2002

• "I am not their masturbation tool." - Saturday, July 6, 2002

• "I would rather have the 'gina!" - Saturday, July 6, 2002

• "I used the email: bigbutts@hotmail.com" - Saturday, July 6, 2002

• "I wanna be a lazy rich woman with the ching ching!" - Thursday, July 11, 2002

• "I'm proud of my balls." - Monday, July 15, 2002

• "Bugs never die." - Thursday, July 18, 2002

• "All the penis talk has made me hungry for a banana." - Saturday, August 3, 2002

• "Yes, the ching is the only thing that matters." - Saturday, August 3, 2002

• "Wheelchair or not, that is weird." - Sunday, August 4, 2002

• "Yes, you let the bacteria on your face fight the bacteria from the poopy and you hope that they all kill each other off, so when it is over your face is clean." - Sunday, August 4, 2002

• "He sticks to the chicks." - Sunday, August 11, 2002

• "I think the next time I decline, I will tell them I can't because I have to take a huge dump." - Monday, August 12, 2002

• "I just got an IM from Yahoo and the guy asked if I had a pic...I told him I did - one of me fucking two guys at the same time while I sucked on another one's cock...and then I put him on ignore." - Wednesday, August 14, 2002

• "Sleep is a waste of time." - Thursday, August 15, 2002

• "Sad is sad!" - Sunday, August 18, 2002

• "I want anal beads!" - Tuesday, August 20, 2002

• "If I meet someone more insane than me one day, that will make me happy. I think that is going to be my life goal!" - Tuesday, August 20, 2002

• "I would be a retarded pirate rainbow guy!" - Tuesday, August 20, 2002

• "These all smell good. They have a distinctive sniff!" - Friday, August 23, 2002

• "Let's play spin the knife!" - Friday, August 23, 2002

• "I'm drinking fries!" - Friday, August 23, 2002

• "I don't like subtitles, because if I wanted to read a movie, I would read a book!" - Friday, August 23, 2002

• "These are my slut shorts!" - Saturday, August 24, 2002

• "I weigh all Bacardi." - Saturday, August 24, 2002

• "Drink it, bitch!" - Saturday, August 24, 2002

• "That's not for the floor, that's for ME!" - Saturday, August 24, 2002

• "We're going to Donatos...I'm going to be Hindu!" - Saturday, August 24, 2002

• "Those were worse than slut shorts...those were like, take 'em off and fuck me shorts!" - Thursday, August 29, 2002

• "I have a 52-inch waist!" - Friday, August 30, 2002

• "52-88 is the date." - Friday, August 30, 2002

• "These jeans are slut shorts!" - Sunday, September 1, 2002

• "He's been asleep for 52 hours and 4 minutes!" - Sunday, September 1, 2002

• "You're just like a pill, instead of making me ill, you're making me ill!" - Sunday, September 1, 2002

• "I'm gonna sleep until I wake up." - Saturday, September 7, 2002

• "I don't mean this in a sexual way, I just wanna get you wet!" - Sunday, September 8, 2002

• "Right now I've got straight A's...thats not gonna last for long!" - Friday, September 13, 2002

• "I got the gas in the ass!" - Friday, September 13, 2002

• "They gave me eight shots of alcohol, and I drank four...or five...or six..." - Saturday, September 14, 2002

• "Yeppetereds!" - Friday, September 20, 2002

• "I don't wanna poop out quarters!" - Tuesday, September 24, 2002

• "I don't feel like getting drunk...at this moment!" - Tuesday, October 29, 2002

• "Does anybody want a free uterus??" - Saturday, November 16, 2002

• "Expensive poop looks the same as cheap poop!" - Wednesday, December 18, 2002 ~ Melissa Day

• "I think at this point he would just be happy with sex, even boring sex...any sex!" - Sunday, December 22, 2002

• "It has pinchers on its butt! I must kill it!" - Thursday, January 9, 2003

• "Money is always in style!" - Thursday, January 9, 2003

• "The meaning of Wooster's motto: passion = hot sex and drinking, independence = no one there to stop you, tradition = everyone does it!" - Saturday, January 11, 2003

• "Don't look a gift towards the horse." - Friday, January 31, 2003

• "Yay! I want a collection of asses!" - Thursday, February 6, 2003

• "My vagina's leaking!" - Friday, February 7, 2003

• "I don't even know what's human and what isn't anymore!" - Tuesday, February 18, 2003

• "I feel I give a cow a purpose by eating it." - Wednesday, February 19, 2003

• "My farts are beautiful!" - Thursday, February 20, 2003

• "If I can't win, I guess I'd rather just lose." - Thursday, February 20, 2003

• "I have a lumpy booty." - Monday, March 24, 2003

• "I get more balls when I'm drunk." - Monday, March 24, 2003

• "I have a freaking huge sphincter!" - Monday, March 24, 2003

• "I'm so hungry I could fart!" - Friday, March 28, 2003

• "I'll cut a hole in my crotch and show my bloody snatch!" - Friday, March 28, 2003

• "Even nerds can have fun!" - Thursday, April 3, 2003

• "This is the first night since Sunday that I haven't had a drink. We need a drink to celebrate!" - Friday, April 4, 2003

• "It looks like I have 50 balls and penises in my pants." - Wednesday, April 9, 2003

• "We volunteered 8 hours at the poop machine place." - Wednesday, April 9, 2003

• "Fifty penises in the ginch? You'd have to put them in your fallopian tubes!" - Wednesday, April 9, 2003

• "Two fingers and you're in!" - Thursday, April 10, 2003

• "Drivers licenses lead to alcoholism! The government is supporting alcoholism. The COW card on the other hand does not lead to alcoholism...it leads to obesity! Lowry doesn't stop you from eating! You could go to every line, and get five cheeseburgers. That could also lead to being a bullemic. Ask me anything else, I'll tell you what it does. Don't be bullemic! Don't listen to Lowry!" - Wednesday, April 16, 2003

• "I don't wanna get my period for a long time. Maybe I'll keep getting pregnant and then keep getting abortions so I won't get my period, but I won't have a baby either." - Thursday, April 17, 2003

• "There's a bush on my crotch, man!" - Friday, April 18, 2003

• "I'm J Crewin' it on the top, and garage sale-in' it on the bottom!" - Thursday, April 24, 2003

• "I'm going to write the intro and the conclusion, Mandy wrote about how the appearace of women has changed over time, and the internet wrote the rest of the paper!" - Thursday, April 24, 2003

• "Drawing 101 with Melissa!" - Thursday, April 24, 2003

• "I'm having problems, I've never really had to draw a penis or a ginch before!" - Thursday, April 24, 2003

• "I wanna get bit by a goat!" - Saturday, April 26, 2003

• "Tattoos equal trash!" [Said outside of the outlet mall, AKA tattoo central!] - Tuesday, April 29, 2003

• "Dude, next year I'm gonna be a fuckin' good girl man. I'm just gonna sit in a corner and drink by myself!" - Saturday, May 3, 2003

• "You've studied all week, this is your reward--seeing me and drinking!" - Thursday, May 8, 2003

• "She needs her ginch removed and replaced by a penis!" - Tuesday, May 13, 2003

• "If I won a trifecta, I would seriously crap my pants! And then I'd pick it up, and throw it at someone I didn't like!!" - Wednesday, May 14, 2003

• "Man. I'm never looking at Jap porn! Not that I would look at normal porn, but I'm definitely not going to look at Jap porn!" - Saturday, May 17, 2003

• "She should have eye spread apart surgery or something!" - Wednesday, June 4, 2003

• "I don't want a black girl, I want the white boy!" - Thursday, June 5, 2003

• "Maybe they will work up to just throwing up in each others mouths while they have sex!" - Friday, June 6, 2003

• "I would wanna be the queen ginch!! No princess! I need to have a high status!" - Friday, June 6, 2003

• "I should save all my poop just in case so if I can't poop when I want to have poop sex I will have some spare ones." - Friday, June 6, 2003

• "I mean what the fuck?!?! Who cares about damn cookies, I don't have your fucking cookies!!" - Wednesday, June 11, 2003

• "Dude I'm buying you a cane for your birthday!" - Friday, June 13, 2003

• "You could never be like [her] unless you thought about a slimy ginch being in your mouth on a daily basis!" - Friday, June 13, 2003

• "[She] is a tard. I have too many tard friends!" - Friday, June 13, 2003

• "I will be so hungry I will be asking to lick their ass hoping to get some lint for a little snack!" - Wednesday, July 8, 2003

• "I hate food things!" - Tuesday, July 9, 2003

• "When the sweatpants come off, let the eatin' begin!" - Monday, July 21, 2003

• "I wanna shop in the junior's department...when I'm 80!" - Monday, July 21, 2003

• "It's probably wrong, but who cares, new philosophy works: fuck someone over before they fuck you over!" - Wednesday, July 23, 2003

• "I bet I would get some weird looks in jail. Hopefully I would get my own cell, I wouldn't want to be in one with a ginch eater!!!" - Sunday, July 27, 2003

• "Dude there are big tits and little tits!" - Sunday, July 27, 2003

• "151 on the shlong!" - Tuesday, July 29, 2003

• "Sorry, I was in the garage getting food." - Tuesday, July 29, 2003

• "That would be awesome if you could poop out a steak - then you wouldn't even have to make dinner!" - Monday, August 4, 2003

• "I shall get toasted on the holiday...and by toasted, I mean drunk!" - Monday, August 4, 2003

• (Out of nowhere) "Retarded people can't get driver's licenses, right?" - Thursday, August 21, 2003

• "If I have five kids, shoot me! No, shoot them!" - Friday, August 22, 2003

• "I want a Korbat! It looks like a mousebat!" - Saturday, August 23, 2003

• "I'm gonna rip his balls off, then I'm gonna make him eat 'em! Then I'm gonna take his cock, and permanantly stick it up my ginch!" - Saturday, August 23, 2003

• "It was actually kind of touching, but I was kinda tipsy." - Tuesday, February 10, 2004

• "Even if I was tame, I don't think I could just sit there and chew a watch while someone was touching my ginch." - Wednesday, February 25, 2004

• "If you can get it in, you can put it in!" - Friday, March 26, 2004

• *NEW*"Let's celebrate by killing a Jew!" - Tuesday, April 20, 2004

• *NEW*"Yeah, I know it will be okay, I hate transitioning, I just want to skip that part and get to the okayness!" - Friday, May 8, 2004

• *NEW*"My cat bit my head today." - Monday, May 31, 2004

• *NEW*"I should sharpen my teeth." - Monday, May 31, 2004

• *NEW*"I've always wanted to bite my cats back when they bit me." - Monday, May 31, 2004

• *NEW*"Callie keeps peeing on the rug, maybe if I pee on her she will quit." - Monday, May 31, 2004