Near Death Doo-Hickies N'Stuff

So one day as I was starring blankly off into space and contemplating life while eating a bag of Cheetos Puffs and drinking a Pepsi I wondered about something: What the hell was that program on my computer?

You see, I had always seen it there, waiting to be installed, but never installed it. This program was, yeah you guessed it, the Microsoft Near-Death Expierence Doo-Hicky. So I quickly went to my computer and opened up the OS folder

And after surfing through all my folders I finally came to it:

I double clicked it, and after a 2 day installation, which is about average for all Microsoft products, I was finally able to run the program.

I double clicked the icon, and suddenly I was transported to a new world! It was like... I don't know... Europe or something! A WHOLE NEW WORLD!!! It was all green and had flashy lights everywhere, and it had.... uhh... a swirly thing in the corner... I don't know... Here's a artists redention of what I saw:

Suddenly I realized I had been here before. It was that time when I had made a bet that I could put my head through a solid block of concrete. So I ran up to the concrete and I put my head up to it, and then, I drilled a whole in the concrete.

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What? You thought I was actually going to put my head through the concrete... Yeah right! I learned the first 27 times not to go banging my head on stuff like that!

So anyways, the guys I made the bet with were kinda mad with me so they started hitting me repeatedly in the head with multiple shovels. And that's how I ended up there.

BUT THIS TIME WAS DIFFERENT! It was strange, and confusing, and the swirly thing in the corner just kept glaring at me! You see, he was nicer last time, he offered me a piece of gum, and some chips. BUT THIS TIME he was just EEEEEeeeEEEVil!!

There's not really any way to explain it, so let me just tell you what happened.

He decided to take me all the way back. I had a very troubled childhood, and he wanted to force me to relive it. And the first step was to show me one of my old baby photos.

AAAAAAAH!!! It's HORRIBLE!! Oh wait, that's not the picture...

AAAAAAAH!!! It's still HORRIBLE!! He tortured me with this picture for like 2 WHOLE SECONDS! He just kept waving it like a mad monkey that was waving a baby photo!

It was at that very moment I became very confused. And when I get confused, I start crying... like a little baby... for three hours. And if that swirly thing wasn't mad before, he sure was after 3 hours of me shouting "I WANT CHEETOS PUFFS!! GIVE ME SOMETHING TO HELP THE PAIN!!"

But out of the horrible darkness I was suffering a great bird came to me and took me away from it all. He had angel white feathers, and when he spoke to me it was in the most beautiful voice I had ever heard. Even more beautiful than... than... um... Cher's.

He told me "SHUT UP!! We are all sick of yur crying!" And I was like "He loves me!"

He explained to me that before I left there would be one more thing I had to relive and dwell on. It was a wrong I never should have commited. But what the hey it was fun at the time.

And when he brought me back to that space and time, I had to reflect on it. And reflect I did. I put up a mirror to what I wrote and found out that the secret message was: ssa taf gib a sah ymmom. Those my freinds are words to live by.

But the time for all good things must come to an end. It was now time for me to go back to whence I came. The bird said now just click your heels tree times and say "There's no place like home."

I looked down and noticed that a was wearing some enchanted ruby Airwalks at the time, so what he said finally made sense to me. I did as I was told... it took my about 5 tries but that's beside the point. And suddenly I was back at my computer desk. Home at last. I wonder what's in my fridge *sounds of running away*