Most people now know that the pinkie salute is the worst insult you can give to a god. But few know the history behind this fascinating aspect of god's culture.

The early years

The early history of the "pinkie salute" is shrouded in mystery. The first recorded use of the upraised pinkie is recorded in 1001 BH (Before Humans) in the epic poem Thou shalt die! In it, the hero of the poem, Sir Likealot, meets a wandering god and according to the poem "Showing his contempt for his foe by his upraised pinkie, Sir Likealot rushed on the miscreant god and engaged him in battle" From this passage, the teller of the story assumes that all who hear it know what he is talking about. This seems to indicate that the "pinkie salute" had been around for a while and was already considered a grave insult. It is not known what makes the pinkie such an insult. It is my theory that in the beginning it was followed by the words, "I have more power in my pinkie than your whole body." That of course was the G-rated version. Eventually the gesture was used so much that the words were dropped. Whatever the case, it was well known by 2001 BH.

The "pinkie duel"

The first recorded pinkie duel happened in 947 BH. The pinkie duel was able to come about because by this time the pinkie salute was so insulting that it's use immediately started a fight. The only surviving account of the duel is in Michaelus Haysus History of gods and man in which he says: "The so-called god Sha Orty, him being a foreign guest, was being mocked by his hosts jester, Laffatu. Finally not able to stand the jesters continuous insults any longer, Sha Orty challenged Laffatu to a duel. Sha Orty, though not a great physical specimen by any stretch of the imagination, was rumored to be a master of the deadly "Shaq Fu" Laffatu knowing this at first refused to duel. Sha Orty, being more and more enraged thrust up his pinkie. Laffatu could not ignore this grave insult and so the two went outside to duel." Haysus goes on to describe the actual duel, but for those with weak stomachs I will stop at saying Shaq Fu, whatever it is, allows for great creativity in inflicting, increasing, and prolonging pain. It is not until 832 BH however, that we see the pinkie duel become a organized event, with rules of engagement.

Rules of pinkie duels

A pinkie duel is when someone gives the other a pinkie salute. The receiving party has the option to either ignore the salute or return it. If he ignores it, he could walk away alive, but it would ruin his reputation. If he returned the salute, a time and place would be agreed on for the duel. At first, as shown by the Laffatu-Sha Orty duel, there were no rules or set objectives beyond doing as much damage as possible to the opposing side. In 832 BH, however, the Council of gods decided on rules of engagement. Each side would chose seconds to drag him of the field in case he lost. In addition, an impartial observer would observe the duel and make sure each side obeyed the rules. Violators, however, soon began trying to cover up their cheating by killing, maiming, and inflicting assorted other unpleasantness on the observer. This reached such epic proportions that in 795 BH, the Council of gods increased the number of observers to three, figuring no one god could overcome three at once. The two contestants faced each other at thirty paces. When one observer said "Go" they started the duel. Once the duel started, there was only one rule, you could only use your two pinkies. The duel ended either when one submitted, or when one died.

Pinkie salute and the godkings

Before Paul the Myth and Robbie the Righteous became the godkings, they were noted pinkie duelists. In fact they pioneered many of the classic dueling moves used today. They were so dominant that they quickly became bored. To make things more interesting for them, they began to cut their opponent's pinkie off before making them either submit or killing them. This became their trademark. To further their enjoyment, they bound themselves to the rule that they could only use each move they used to cut off a person's finger once. This led them to find more imaginative ways. In fact many of the moves they used were known to be used only that once. Soon this strange custom began taking on new meaning. As the ancient chronicler Michaelus Haysus says, "Their [the godkings] method of cutting off their opponent's pinkie served two purposes. First you could always tell who had sworn allegiance to them because they were missing their pinkies. Second it created peace within their followers because they had no pinkies to initiate a duel with." By 472 BH they had amassed such a large army, that they decided to conquer all gods. By this time, the Council of god had become a weak facilitating body that was unable to enforce any of the rules it had made. The real power rested in the hands of local baron-gods. In a 132-year war (short by gods' standards), they had conquered all gods and assumed the name godkings. This conflict is interesting in the study of the pinkie salute for many reasons. The most obvious is that the entire godking army was made up of losing duelists. Also this conflict was the first time the godkings flew their distinctive, and now famous flag. These reasons are why we call the conflict "The Pinkie war"

"The Pinkie war"

The first recorded instance of the pinkie flag occurred in the Battle of Scuppernong River in 365 BH. There as Michaelus Haysus says, "and the godking's army, seeing their leaders defiance of the enemy rushed with renewed vigor and with great smiting slew many gods." Michaelus Haysus continues by telling of the effect the flag had on the local populations, "and whenever the local populous saw their (godkings) dreaded flag, they either fled in terror or quickly surrendered." In fact, it is notable that the godkings never lost a battle as long as their flag accompanied them. The flag's greatest hour came at the climatic Battle of Bull's Bay where the last of the resistance against the godkings was defeated. There, about 100 gods of the famed "Pinkieless Legion" held of around 6000 of the enemy until help arrived. In the official history of the battle the commander of the troops, "Pa" Enkey states, "Again and again the troops would have broken under superior numbers except for the flag. The thought of the enemy desecrating it allowed each of us to fight with the strength of 50 gods."

The godking's Pinkie Flag

The godking's flag is beautiful in it's simplicity. It is an upraised pinkie on a field of black with two white eyes looking from above it. There is some debate about the significance of the black background. The most prevalent theory is that it represents the utter darkness that the souls of the godking's enemies will be consigned to. Michaelus Haysus however quotes the godking Paul as saying about the flag, "I just like the color black." The two eyes represent the godkings omnipresence. It is the bane of the wicked and the hope for the righteous. The pinkie salute underneath it has a couple of functions. First it represents a challange to the enemy. In the immortal words of Robbie the Righteous, "Bring it on, anytime, anywhere, We'll take you down." Also it is a reasurance to the followers of the godking. In effect they have leaders powerful enough to insult the whole world at once and get away with it.


And so the pinkie salute lives on. An unchanging aspect in an other wise always changing world.

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