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05.24.01 8:41 PM LAST DAY O' SCHOOL!!! HOW EXCITED AM I???!?!?! Today was a good day. I bought lip gloss. Listened to music and drove for a long time. Then Katrina and I watched TV for a really looooonnnnnggg time. Going to shop for banquet dress tomorrow, and undecided about boy who is taking me. He is a very good boy. And now my feelings are all confused inside!!! Haha. Damn. Indecision can be fun, I guess. But it's all tingly and fun! I'm just excited because I get to shop for pretty dresses... ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 05.27.01 12:30 AM It is official: I am totally "smittin" with banquet boy. I feel like frickin...Julia Roberts! I fell for the not-right boy (Intrigue Boy) and all the while good-boy (Banquet Boy) was there. OH MY GOD MY LIFE IS A ROMANTIC COMEDY SITCOM PIECE OF CRAP! ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 05.27.01 2:15 AM Being open doesn't equal being happy...stay bottled up and you won't get hurt. It's just not worth it anymore. It's just not worth it. Oh well. If you can't guess what happened that line than, look at the entry above...I was really honest. And it felt good to be straight-forward about my feelings...but WOW did it hurt! Oh well. Ummm...where do we go from here? The planet is gummed up in a sea of fear..and where are you? (Jesus Christ I'm quoting Radiohead...this boy's favorite band too) I'm hopelessly pathetic. ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 05.27.01 11:25 PM Ergh. Feel like shit. But not too bad. I was open for once and actually kind of sort of asked a guy out...although it was over the internet...so I lose points for that, but I tried, right? And it'll be great to have him as a friend..."I'm a really really cool girl." I've been just that permanently, everyone always says that. (GUYS) I am the everlong "boy friend" girl. Ha. Which isn't bad. It's not. It's cool. But then he and even Intrigue Boy (now that we've become better friends) tell me about who they like, oh yes, they've already begun that...and I can't help but feel like something is strangling me...then I remove my hands' grip on my throat..no just kidding, but serioulsy, I feel like something is strangling me and my stomach burns. And I'm like ALRLHFKRDHDHFDS...and I know I either get really red or really pale. And they're like, "You Okay" and I'm like, "Yeah." It's like some really shitty Julia Roberts movie. But at the same time, I know I have a good friend that will always be there and I don't have to worry about looking great around...and that's even better sometimes...but still... ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 05.30.01 2:10 AM Just got home from banquet a while ago. It was very nice and wonderful. It was like nothing ever happened between Banquet Boy and I. I went, looked as fabulousr as I could so people would think "How could he JUST be friends with HER" (Yes, that was my secret motive...) And I went and it was beautiful, etc. I got a couple of bequeathals and I was just astounded and sooo suprised and honored and tickled pink in general. It was a great night. Still confused about silly Banquet Boy, he sends out too many messages.... ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 06.02.01 11:32 PM Hey Kidz. Just glad I have a place to rant and rave about certain things. You guys must think I'm bipolar...haha. The people that don't know me think I'm a krazie psycho nazi bitch I'm sure. I'm glad I have this place. It is soooo therapeutic to a certain degree... but now that I have kind of closed my self off to guys...we'll all just be friends...for a while...and worrrying about that stuff, I'll have more things to talk about here, besides my laments of love....until then, good friends... ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 06.04.01 12:46 AM Stupid opposite of sex. I give up. I just totally fucking give up. I can't take it anymore, and I am just tired. Flat out tired. Stupid guys. I'm keeping everyone at an arm's length from now on. Ice queen bitch? Maybe...but it hurts sooo much less...a quick fix for now... ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 06.05.01 10:55 PM JUST GOT AMNESIAC, RADIOHEAD'S NEW ALBUM!!! I LOVE IT!!! THOM YORKE IS GOD! ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 06.06.01 4:34 PM I think I found my soulmate at the edge of the 2001 senior class photo. Haha..I really did. This sounds like I wear my heart on my sleeve. Seriously guys, I don't. Really I don't. I've only liked like, 3 boys seriously since high school. (Crush Boy, Intrigue Boy and Banquet Boy) ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 06.06.01 11:23 PM I am the supreme goddess of self confidence and inner poise! I am on a total self-esteem high. I am soo totally in to feeling gooooooooood about myself! Fuck guys, they're fuckwits and I don't need them! Hahahahhaha! I'll be a cool girl friend to them...but NEVER the girlfriend!! I am a swiniging bachelorette! Whoooo! But I'm soo okay right now. Maybe. Hahahha..I finished a script and it's flawed..but DONE! WHOOOO! ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 06.11.01 11:29 PM I am really feeling happy. Work is stressful, because I'm always being evaluated and I am having a hard time "Stepping Up" I should have said "Hello" louder. Or something. It's hard that they evaluate you on your very first day. Oh well...But I think I did okay. It was fun I think. I feel fat. ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 06.23.01 2:25 PM Yesterday was not a good day for interp for Jessika. First, Michael and I went to work on our duet and everyone went out to lunch together and forgot about us. Which was ok, because we had fun too and got some good work done. And I drew a cockroach on the board to make myself feel better, which worked....it was just the fact that they FORGOT..oy!!! It wasn't a big deal, but I was already having a bad day. And then I think my DI might not work at all....for me...but I know Baker will turn around and give the thing to Brittany, who tried to steal it from me in the first place!! Who decided that she could do it better and try to take it, when I found it and cut it myself!!! (I think she wanted it just because Baker told he he find it and got it, but otherwise, I'm not sure if she would have tried to take it from me if she had all the info) It's selfish, but she's done some mean, underhanded shit to me before and I'll be damned if she's going to get this DI. I'm sure she wouldn't have argued so hard with my coach if she knew I found it... I'm going to be a bitch... but if I can't do it, and they say that it won't work at all, I'll make damn well sure that no one else does it. Because if I flat out suck ass, and can't do it then I want them to just tell me...or do I? Fucking shit. ========================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================================== 06.26.01 11:40 PM Well...the camp is better. I'm just so inconfident. Once I get the confidence I think I'll be all right...but HOW!?!? OY! I'll find my confidence...I shall. I need to start believing that people say I am good, and honestly think that. Because it's horrible to think the people that say it are just saying things, b/c they aren't that type of people...so in short, it would be an insult to THEM if I don't believe them, right? Ohh! I have such good friends! They are such good people! *squeals* I tried to create a journal at LiveJournal.com, because I saw my friend's and it's really great...and it seemed like a good idea...the emoticons are adorable! But fear not, this journal shall remain...in tact...updated quite often...the other is less intimate to me. Everybody get a livejournal and we'll form a community...oy! I can't even figure the thing out...I am pretty sure it doesn't exist...D'OH! I need to start cussing less...I really do. ============================================================================================================================================================================================================================ 6.26.01 11:57 PM Well...I did create a journal at livejournal.com...and it WORKS!!! So from now on, my jourals shall be there!! This journal and the job journal shall be archived...see link on main page for the new journal! it's been good here, it really has...
