Misc. Jokes
Gary Williams, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest house with a faded Maryland University flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Gary,' said God. "This is very special, not everyone gets a house up here."
Gary felt special indeed and walked up to the house. On his way up to the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion with a red, white and blue sidewalk, a 50ft tall flagpole flying an enormous KU flag, and in every window, a Jayhawk logo. In the front yard, was a sign that said, "Welcome to Jayhawkville".
Gary looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I won several national championships and was in the Final Four and my team beat KU, plus I'm considered one of the best coaches in men's basketball" God said, "so what do you want to know, Gary?"
"Well, why does Roy Williams get a better house than me?" God chuckled, and shook his head in amusement.
"Gary, that's not Roy's house, it's MINE!
Four college basketball fans go rock climbing one afternoon: a Maryland fan, a Oklahoma fan, a Kansas fan, and a Duke fan.
They had been arguing all the way up the mountain about who among them loved their team more and was the most “die-hard” fan. The argument grew hotter and hotter, and the four fans grew more and more agitated.
Such was the emotion that upon reaching the top of the mountain, the Maryland fan proclaimed loudly and earnestly to the other four, “THIS IS FOR THE TERRAPINS!” and without a moment’s hesitation threw himself off the mountain, the supreme sacrifice.
Not to be outdone by a Maryland fan,the Oklahoma fan jumped up and cried out, “THIS IS FOR THE SOONERS!” and quickly threw himself off the mountain, also willing to sacrifice himself to prove his devotion to his team.
Refusing to be outdone by the Maryland and Oklahoma fans, the Kansas fan rose to his feet, summoned up every ounce of his courage, and yelled at the top of his lungs, “THIS IS FOR THE JAYHAWKS!” and without a moment’s hesitation, shoved the Duke fan off the mountain.
A group of students in a class at Texas A&M University are given the assignment of measuring the height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures - the whole thing was just a mess.
An engineering student comes along, sees what they're trying to do, walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of the blondes and walks away.
After the engineer had gone, one blonde turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like a dumb engineer? We're looking for the height and he gives us the length."
Today after the game a very weary, but happy, KU fan finally found standing room in a local bar. While waiting to place an order for a drink, he asks the guy standing next to him, "Hey, buddy. Wanna hear a Nebraska joke?" The man looks at him and scowls. "Well, before you tell that joke, you need to know something. I'm 6'1", 230. And I'm a Nebraska fan. So is the guy next to me, but he's 6'3", 250. The guy next to him is also a Husker, and he's 6'5", 260. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" "Nah," said the KU fan. "I don't want to have to explain it three times."
Q: Do you know what the "N" stands for on Nebraska's football helmet?
A: Knowledge (Thanks Amy!)
Q: How do you come to own a small business in Oklahoma?
A: Start a large business and put an OSU grad in charge of it
Q: What do they call duct tape in Stillwater?
A: Chrome!
A little boy and his mother were walking in a Norman cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read "Here lies an Oklahoma graduate and an honestman." The little boy asked, "Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?"
If two married Oklahoma grads get a divorce, are they still cousins?
Did you hear about the Oklahoma Sooner with a personalized license plate? His Dad made it in prison.
A young ventriloquist is touring Oklahoma and stops to entertain at a bar in Norman. He's going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes, when an OU forward in the audience stands up and says, "I've heard just about enough of your smart ass redneck jokes; we ain't all stupid here in Oklahoma." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the forward pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the smart ass little fella on your knee!"
Did you hear the MU library burned down? The saddest part was that half the books weren't colored in yet. The ISU library burned down too. They lost their book.
Q: Why is ice no longer available at Iowa State basketball games?
A: The senior that knew the recipe graduated
Did you hear that the Iowa State University President's mansion burned down? Almost took out the whole trailer park.
There were 2 Baylor fans going to Six Flags over Texas. They were
really excited because they had never been there before. They were driving along when they saw a sign that said, "Six Flags Left." So they turned around and went home.
An A&M Aggie goes to a fast food restaurant that is having a promotion where you peel a sticker off of your cup to reveal what prize you've won.
Well the Aggie peels his sticker off and excitedly begins to shout "I won a motor home!!!!, I won a motor home!!!"
After repeating this several times he goes up to the counter and tells the cashier "I won a motor home!!" ... the cashier replies that she doesn't think that's possible as they had already given away a Lincoln Navigator which was the biggest prize they had.
The Aggie then demands to see the manager, insisting that he won a motor home and he wants the keys to it so he can drive it home right now.
The manager comes out and asks to see the cup ... he then explains to the Aggie ... no it says here you 'WIN A BAGEL'
Q: How many Texas A&M freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That's a sophomore course.
Two Longhorn basketball players were down on 6th street partying. They were hootin', hollerin' and yee hawin' when the bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took two months. "Two months!?" exclaimed the bartender.The Texan replied, "Yeah, but the box said 4-6 years."
Q: What does the average Colorado basketball player get on his SAT?
A: Drool.
You're stuck in a room with Quin Snyder, Tom Asbury, and Mike Krzyzewski. You have a gun, with only one bullet left. Who do you shoot? (yourself)
Three basketball coaches flew to the NCAA convention. The plane crashed and all three died. They noticed God up in the clouds sitting in a chair. God motioned for them to come into the clouds and said He wanted to know three things: Who are you? What did you do? What did people think of you?
The first coach said, "I'm Mike Krzyzewski. I was the second best coach in the nation. I won two national championships and I always got the best recruits. The people of Durham think I'm great." God said, "Fine, Mike, stand on my right side."
The next coach said, I'm Bob Knight. I was the third best coach in the nation. I won three National Championships, my teams were consistently ranked in the top 25, and won at least twenty games nearly every year. Hoosier fans think I'm great." God said, "Fine Bob, stand on my left side."
The third coach stood before God and said, "I'm Roy Williams and I took the most storied program in college basketball from probation and turned it into a consistent top 5 program. I've won at least twenty-five games a season and taken my team to the NCAA tournament eleven times in a row, with seven Sweet Sixteen and two Final Four appearances while graduating over 93 percent of my players... and KU fans think you're sitting in my chair."
A basketball player wanted to go to a Big 12 school, and finally got it narrowed down to three-- KU, K-State, and Mizzou.
He first went to K-State to see if they would want him on their team. Tom Asbury said he would have to call Heaven for advice, but it would cost the player $10,000 a minute. The player decided he would go check out Mizzou first.
Once the player got to Mizzou, Quin Snyder said he, too, would have to call Heaven for advice, but this time it would cost the player $5,000 a minute. The player thought it was still too high and said he'd go check out KU.
At Lawrence, Roy Williams said he would have to call Heaven for advice also, but this time it wouldn't cost the player anything. The curious player asked why. Roy said, "That's very easy to explain, son. It's a local call from here."
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