There once was a man from Nantucket,
who was old, but not yet kicked the bucket,
don't be a creep,
at the sound of the beep,
leave a message or you can just f-- orget about
anyone calling you back!
Hi, I'm a burglar and I was just about to steal Troy's answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll...I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh...By the way, where did you say you live?
Now I lay me down to sleep:
How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 123. I wonder what happens if I touch this...YOW!
Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.
"Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us for profit."
"Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message. If I don't call back, it's you."
"Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back."
"If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message."
"You're growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy now. You are gradually losing your willpower and your ability to resist suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and promise to give me £2000."
You know what I hate about answering machines messages? They go on and on wasting you time. I mean, all they really have to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me....
"Hi. Now you say something."
"Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep."
"Hello. I am Jane's answering machine. What are you?"
"Hi! Hannah's answering machine is broken. This is her refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets."
"Hello, this is Steph's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone."
"Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you."
“Suicide Hotline...please hold."
Hello, this is Susan. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't
I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.
I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for
you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing.
You have reached the number which you have dialled.
Hi, I am a machine. Why do you hate talking to me? I never hurt anyone. Can we talk after the beep?
Hi, This is Jenny. Press 1 if you are going to ask me out, 2 if you want to apologize for something, 3 if you just called to say I am a princess, and 4 if you are going to say something else.(Will be automatically deleted!) Thanks
Oh my, my life is so boring as an answering machine. My owners life is so much better & that’s why they're not here. All I can say is leave me a message and I'll THINK about giving it to the owners.
Roses are red booger's are green please leave your message on this stupid machine
Hi, you have reached _(phone number)__ you have a chance to win one million dollars if you can answer the following 1. What is your name? 2. What is your phone number? 3. Why did you call this number?
Leave a message at the beep.
If I die before I wake,
Remember to erase this tape.
