Title:  The Goddess of Purple

Summery:  Ummm is there suppose to be a plot?  We can’t have that you know!

Rating:

Disclaimer:  I do not own Buffy.  No offence to any Gods or Goddess is intended in this story.  No puppies were hurt in the making of this.

Pairing: S/X

Warnings: Danger Will Robinson, Danger!  Umm sorry out of series flash, rampant silliness is here so uhhh, be forewarned.

Author’s notes: Being brain-dead from calculus and sleep deprived I was a perfect target for a plot bunny.  I know it’s insane, that’s what makes it fun!

 

 

“Watcher open th’ bleeding door!”  Spike pounded on the door, for if humans couldn’t take the burnt of Spike’s need for destruction, then well all the doors in Sunnydale better beware!

 

“Spike would you please refrain fro- Oh good Heavens!  Your hair is purple!”

 

“Yes!  It’s purple!  Flamin’, bleedin’, brilliant bright purple!  Now that we have established this could we do something about changing it?”

 

“Oh, well I might be able to whip up something, would you prefer a dark green or more of a sea?”

 

“This is not a time to be joking Watcher!”  Spike pointly ignored the fact that the corners of the watcher’s mouth were turned up and the way his breath hitched just slightly with inheld laughter.

 

“Spike, I don’t know who died your hair, or how they managed to get your eyebrows and eyelashes too, or what you expect me to do about it.”

 

“Well for starters- wait they got my eyebrows?  AND eyelashes!?”  Spike’s eyes widened, “Oh I know they bloody didn’t!  Hold on a mo’ watcher!”  Giles watched in amusement as Spike turned his back, then in horror as he heard a zipper go down.  He would have said something, but for fear that Spike might turn around.  “Oh they bloody did!  Heads are gonna roll tonight!”

 

“Whose head, Bleach boy?”  Xander asked as he walked in.

 

“Maybe yours Whelp.  You know anything about my hair?”

 

“umm you gel it back?  Is this a trick question?”

 

“No you ponce!  My hair is purple and I want to know how it happened!”

 

Xander studied Spike’s hair intently.  “Well it does look darker, but otherwise-“

 

“What is your problem Whelp?  My hair ‘s neon purple!  Of course it’s different!”

 

“Oh well there ya go!  I’m color blind.  Everyone always wonders how someone can manage to flunk kindergarten, but I did it.  They figured out my problem the second time around, but it was worth it, that’s how I met Willow.”

 

“That certainly explains the fashion statement!  It’s so far gone, it’s actually an anti-statement.”

 

Buffy came storming in, “Look at me!  My entire wardrobe is in some way purple!  This was my favorite outfit, now look at it!” Buffy indicated the lilac halter top, and a short plum colored leather mini-skirt.  Spike leered, Xander shrugged in confusion, and Giles took off his glasses and cleaned them, the world may never know why.

 

“I don’t see anything wrong pet,” Spike said still leering.

 

“Plum and lilac do NOT go together!  They are totally opposite ends of the purple spectrum.  It’s all gone, ruined!”  Buffy broke down in tears.

 

“Giles we have big problem here!”  Tara and Willow came running in.  Spike immediately took notice of Tara’s purple hair.

 

“Bleedin’ ‘ell!  They got you too!”

 

Tara blushed, “no I umm, didthisonpurpose.”

 

“Giles the town is over-run with purple pigmy elephants, with wings!  Two planes have already crashed due to visual interference.  Look!”  Willow flung open Giles front door.  Sure enough; chaos.  People were running in terror.  Cars were stalled in the street, purple pigs colored form every range of the spectrum, from a deep plum red to light blue lavender.

 

A pack, gaggle?, flock?  What DO you call a group of winged purple pigs anyway? strolled down the street.  A HUGE pig, really more like a boar came flying in.  His- oh wait no, defiantly a her as everyone got a good look while the pig was circling coloring was a deep pure purple with pink polka dots.  She appeared to be circling in for a landing, everyone ducked as she flew a little to close to their heads.  She disappeared behind the sofa and everyone heard a loud crash and a voice say, “I’ll pay for that!”

 

A woman stood up from behind the sofa. “I never could get that landing thing right,” she muttered to herself, flipping her long, curling, lavender hair hung to her waist over a shoulder.  She defiantly wasn’t thin, but she carried her weight well.  She flashed them all a smile, spreading her sparkling purple lips wide. 

 

“So, you like?”

 

“WHAT!?!”  You’re the one responsible for this?!”  Spike tugged on his purple hair.

 

“Well that’s why I was brought here, right?  To liven the place up, put in a little purple and piazza.”

 

“Who invoked you?” 

 

“The pretty little purple head in the corner.”

 

“Spike!” exclaimed Xander, “but that doesn’t make any sense, he wants his hair back to the way it was.”

 

“Not me, you idiot!  Tara!  I’m not even in a corner!”

 

“I didn’t mean for this to happen!”  Tara defended herself.  “I just wanted to dye my hair and have it not fade.  Goddess Heather, couldn’t you um fix this?”

 

Giles either got over his shock, put on his glasses and realized what was happening, or most likely his thirst for knowledge made him ask, “You’re a Goddess?  What are you Goddess of?”

 

“I am Goddess Heather, I rule over plants, knitting, the color purple, and the number 7.  I would be considered the Goddess of purple flying pigs, since I created them, but they were already covered under Bob, God of creatures that are suppose to be flightless but aren’t.  He wanted, flightless but well, that’s really a different story.  Anyway I think everybody just looks lovely, and the pigs will move on by themselves, but I must warn you that this will probably become a bi-annual thing.  They are very particular about their migratory path…”

 

“You can not just leave us like this!”  Exclaimed Spike.

 

“My outfits are ruined!”  Declared Buffy, who then went back to sobbing.

 

“Well, frankly Heather, I don’t see what the problem is.”

 

“That’s because you’re bloody color blind!”

 

Heather looked shocked, “you mean you can’t see any colors at all?”  Heather sounded shocked.

 

“Yep, it’s okay though I’ve never known anything different.”

 

“Well technically a person can’t be completely color blind, just unable to distinguish between two- wait why am I pointing out plot holes in my own stor-“  Goddess Heather shuddered, “sorry, out of author experience.  But you poor boy!”  Heather pulled Xander’s head down to her chest.  She slowly ran her hands around Xander’s head, humming and hawing, “do you use conditioner?  You’re hair is so silky.”  A blush from Xander and “ah-ha!  That’s the problem!”

 

“What’s the problem?”

 

“Well you have a faulty gene on your x chromosome.  A few other genetic mishaps, but I fixed them all sweetie.  I can tell you deserve a break.”

 

Xander blinked, his eyes cleared, he looked around at his world that was suddenly in color.  “Wow!  Everything—it’s so so, bright and oh my god, Spike and Tara I love your hair!  C’mon Spike.”

 

“Where are we going whelp?”

 

“See if the rest of you is just as colorful.”

 

Spike looked over at Heather shocked, Heather winked and said, “well my work here is done.  See you on Tuesday, Giles.”  And with that Heather disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

 

“What did she mean by that Giles?” asked Willow.

 

“Umm knitting club, now out with the lot of you, it’s time for all alive people to be in bed.”

 

“Undead too.”  Piped up Xander.

 

“I’m not tired pet.”

 

“Who said anything about sleeping?”  Xander dragged a smirking and still purpled Spike out the door.

 

The End

 

sighs of relief

 

Well I didn’t make you read it ya know, and I warned in advance!

 

What do mean there weren’t any puppies?!

 

Post The End

 

Spike kicked a puppy on the way home, and got no nooky from Xander…for about five minutes.  Xander is a red blooded teenage American, plus Giles has really good linoleum. 

 

There?  Happy?  Well you should be!