Title: Cursed with Anger

Author: Goddessof7s

Summary: Deaf!Chase! Cursed re-write

Rating: teen

Notes: AU sequel to Ears and Eyes and Talk is Cheap and Spanish Inquisition

Series: Sense and sensibility 4

Warnings: Pre-slash House/Chase. If you haven’t seen Cursed then you might want to wait there will be major MAJOR spoilers for the epi. Cross posted to house slash, house-chase and house fanfiction

It took House less than a week to get into the habit of writing on the board and then asking about the diagnosis. When Foreman and Cameron came and stayed, Chase knew that more change was going to have to happen if they were to really work together. The next day that Chase came in there was a clear board next to the white board. It became habit to write the symptoms on the clear and the possible diagnosis on the white. Chase couldn’t always turn his in time to catch what people were saying. There was a subtle art to reading lips in a group conversation, not only did he have to think quickly on what the patient might have but also be constantly aware of who was talking. There were always little indicators of who he should look at, flicks of the eye, countenance, but sometimes he felt behind. Like he was two steps to the left and two steps to the back. People adapted though and things started to go smoother.

Things with the patients never got easier. When there was more than just the patient and him in the room it was nice to have another doctor with him. Of the three, House Cameron and Foreman, Cameron was his favorite to work with. Well he suspected that House would be his favorite, all sarcasm and attention he’d never have to worry about missing a question, but House didn’t see patients so Cameron it was. She handled parents like a pro and Chase couldn’t be happier to have her there with him in Gabe’s room. Even though he couldn’t hear what was going on he could feel the tension in the room, the strain on Gabe’s face was clear. He had to get him out of that room and away from his parents.

“We need another CT scan.” From the way the room paused he knew he’d interrupted someone, from the scowl on the father’s face probably him. But he scowled so much it was hard to say for sure. Cameron gave him a look like he was nuts, but she could handle the parents. The father started to move and Chase knew he’d follow them. So he cut them off, “Sorry medical personal only.”

Walking down the hall pushing Gabe was going to get him no where in finding out what Gabe had really been up to. There was a candy machine down that hallway there and he made a turn. “Gabe I thought we’d go for a walk then park ourselves somewhere. You don’t need the scan but the tension level back there was pretty high. Figured you could use a break.” He pulled the wheel chair up beside a bench. “Your father, he’s a pretty high-powered guy huh?” He doesn’t blame the father really he is just fighting for his son, it’s the only way he can express his helpless concern, to try and do something, even if it is impeding.

“Yeah. He was an Air Force test pilot. Real top-gun stuff. Flew a Mach 3.”

“Hard to deal with, sometimes?”

“I guess I’m more like my mom.”

“Listen, I promised to keep my mouth shut, but I need to know. You definitely haven’t had any sexual contact of any kind?”

“I wish.” Gabe spoke with the vehement goal of losing one’s innocence as only someone who still had it could.

The trick to walking and turning away from someone in a conversation is to talk while doing so. Polite people don’t interrupt and it gives him time to get a candy bar and some crackers from the vending machine. “Know what? Girls like the cool guys now. You give it a few years, they start liking the smart guys. You’ll be all right.”

“Can you keep a secret?” Jackpot. Nothing loosens a mouth better than a good ear so to speak. That and the chocolate helps.

“I have to, it’s my job.” He tries not to talk about his problems, his handicap. It’s not that he’s ashamed but the patient doesn’t want to feel sympathy for their doctor. They want them to be all powerful, understanding and good listeners. Them knowing that he is deaf is just a distraction and he doesn’t tell them unless he has to. It took some hard lessons to get that right.

“I’m cursed. I’m not kidding. This seance thing the kids did? It spelled out my name, said I was gonna die.” Seance, it took him a second to place those syllables, odd words on the lips take longer sometimes to place. It feels like a sad state of affairs when the word cefuroxime is more easily recognized than something much more common like love.

“First name and last name? We’ve got a Gabe upstairs. He’s very old, very sick.”

“No! It’s me. I have the worst luck. One time, I broke this mirror. The next week, my parents got separated.”

“My parents got split up, too. Every kid thinks like it’s his fault, it never is. So what about the rest of the stuff? Any playing outside that your parents don’t know about, anything like that? Maybe you were somewhere you weren’t supposed to be?” He knew there was. He just had to convince Gabe to tell him.

“Oh, man.”

“Gabe, it’s important.”

********************

“Secret club. What’s the secret, they’re all morons?”

“He fell on something in the attic, scraped his arm, got the rash the next day. Said it smelled really moldy up there.”

“Fungal pneumonia without the cave. Clever.”

“I’m gonna get a sample.” Chase checks his bag to make sure he has a mask in there along with sample bags. He always try to keep a spare or two. Never know when you might run across a highly communicable disease or a dangerous black mold. Especial working for House.

There’s someone standing in the doorway when he turns around and his first thought is that he is hallucinating. His second is that his father must be dying, it seems the only reason why he would come to see him. Either way he doesn’t care. “Dr. Chase. You have a few moments.” Smooth, he dad can’t even call him by his first name.

Chase casts his eyes down, it is a big insult in the deaf community to purposefully look away or turn one’s back, it’s the equivalent of putting one’s hands over their ears and humming. “Sorry, I’ve gotta go.” Chase rushes off and House has to wonder how well the older guy knows Chase because he calls out after him, as if Chase could actually hear him. Intriguing.

“These young doctors. It’s like they don’t care about people. No manners.”

“My fault, probably.” Oh an accent cool.

“That’s an interesting accent you have there. I’d say Czech, with about thirty years of Aussie.”

“You have quite an ear.” Bingo!

“You’re Chase’s dad. Hard to miss, you know, the big hug and how happy he was to see you.” Dr. Chase the senior, acknowledges this and leaves. House sips his coffee and smiles like a bloody bastard. No, life around Chase was never boring.

****************

“Need a consult.” Translated means he needs a sounding board.

“With a patient.” Piffle, Wilson should know better.

“Urgent doctor stuff.” House left knowing that Wilson would follow. He always does.

“26-year-old male, sudden loss of the ability to speak--”

“Just because you got out of clinic duty doesn’t mean everybody did.” Hah! Wilson thinks that I’m rubbing his nose in it. Jokes on him, I’m planning that for next week.

“-- to his father. Differential diagnosis?”

“Chase?” Oops, sure hope House doesn’t pick up on the fact that he knew Chase’s dad was in town.

“Dad swoops in, Chase swoops out.” Whew. Thank God House is too distracted by Chase to pay much attention. That’s interesting.

“Dad say why he was here?” Distract him! Can’t let him think too long.

“See? You asked. Dad comes 5000 miles and you’re more curious than Junior is. Can’t just be about the divorce. It’s been fifteen years and mom’s been dead for ten of them. You think Daddy murdered her? No what’s really interesting is that the good Dr. Rowan Chase doesn’t seem to realize that Chase is deaf.”

Wilson froze. “What are you serious?”

“He called down the hall after his son. You think he would realize that would be pointless. I wonder if Chase never even told his old man.”

Great googlie mooglie Wilson thought that House’s head might spin off in delight at such an interesting quandary. Oh well time to be the voice of common sense. “You want to get to the bottom of this, you’re doing it exactly right. Don’t talk to the people involved, drag your buddy away from work for some pointless speculation.”

“You want to know how two chemicals interact, do you ask them? No, they’re going to lie through their lying little chemical teeth. Throw them in a beaker and apply heat.”

“Even I don’t like you.”

“You know, words can hurt!” I snort at the thought. Words might hurt a normal person, but certainly not House.

********************

“Boy gets anthrax, but happens to be allergic to two antibiotics. Hate to step on anybody’s toes, but is it possible that your guys got this one wrong?”

“The rash is classic anthrax.” God Chase wants to kill House right now. How could he do this to him. He purposefully brought his dad in on the case so that he could watch them interact. Bloody bastards, the both of them.

“Except the color.”

“The rash hasn’t turned black yet. No necrosis, no anthrax.” Figures that Cameron would back him up immunolgist and rhuemtologist being so similar. She probably has copies of his books on her shelves.

“Necrosis can theoretically take as long as two weeks.” Some how Chase doesn’t think that anyone will side with him. Foreman is being suspiciously silent.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Guys, it’s not a competition! It’s a diagnosis!” That’s rich coming from House. When has he ever not wanted to be competitive. “Okay, who thinks,” House is behind Chase who has no bloody idea what he’s doing. Probably putting bunny ears on him or something equally juvenile. “Junior wins? Four to one, it’s not anthrax. So we start over, what’s changed? What do the nodules tell us?” God, it figures, that his son is the only one that can see past the Great Rowan Chase to realize that he isn’t always right. We know it’s anthrax. It’s just also something else.

“Sarcoidosis.”

“Excellent. Send an ACE level. If it comes back positive, put him on methotrexate.”

************************************

The lights flick in the clinic room and I know that it’s either House, Wilson or Cuddy. They’re the only ones that bother.

I turn and watch as the rest of the ducklings and my father follow House into the room. “You page me?”

Okay what’s he up to now? “No, I don’t need you.”

“Oh, come on. We all need help now and again You’re getting a consult. Okay, we’ve got new skin lesions, bigger and uglier. What would cause that?”

“What if his body worked so hard attacking the anthrax that it started attacking itself?”

“Auto-immune.” Great there goes Cameron again to back up my dad.

“Wouldn’t present this aggressively.” Why can’t they just bloody leave me alone. They’ll likely just disregard whatever I say anyway.

“It’s not likely, but it is possible.” Ah Cameron ever my Dad’s defender.

“What, in a twelve-year-old male?” Chase scoffs.

Okay it’s down to the wire throw out something anything to get them all to leave! “Gabe’s dad found leishmaniasis and filariasis on the internet yesterday. They didn’t fit then, but now they kind of do.”

“Sure, except for the nodules and we’re not working out of Calcutta General.” Damn! Time to drag the silent shadow into this.

“Multiple neurofibromatosis.”

“You think this is neurological?” Great even the neurologist doesn’t want to think different from his dad. House is suspiciously silent in regards to his father’s theories.

“The only reason you’re thinking auto-immune is because you’re a rheumatologist! If you were a proctologist you’d think rectal cancer.” Damn that was a bad analogy. Chase just feels so flustered as if this one case is an example of his entire skill as a doctor.

“Gotta go with Senior. He literally wrote the book with this one.”

“Auto-immune is a big universe. It could be anything from scleroderma to churg-strauss.” Great now to get them off this line of thought he’s going to have to prove it isn’t any of those.

“Whatever it is, we should start him on steroids, keep the swelling down.”

“And 100 mg. of cytoxan, it treats most auto-immunes.”

“We’ll give it to him now, before the fat starts dripping out his eyeballs.”

Chase follows House and waits for his entourage to disband. “You’re messing with my head.”

“Your relationship with your dad is messing with your ability to do your job.”

“Only because you made my dad part of my job.”

“Good point.” Thank you, you bloody bastard. “Haven’t seen him in years, he flies across the Atlantic to see you –“

“Pacific.”

“You breeze by him like he’s a Hare Krishna at the airport. You don’t even ask why he’s in town.”

Ha! I know what will get him! Twist him up in his own game. “The question isn’t why he’s in town the question is why did he come to see me.” House grabs Chase’s arm as he turns to leave.

“I was hoping to do this by sheer manipulation, but if you insist on talking, fine, talk. What did he do to you?”

Stupid House still can’t figure it out can you. “You’re still asking the wrong questions. When you figure out the right ones let me know.” Ha! Let him mull over that while I actually try to figure out what’s wrong with Gabe.

*****************

“Your diagnosis is wrong. No auto-immune disease. The swelling’s probably just down because we’ve got him on steroids. It’s masking whatever’s wrong.” And here comes the counter point.

“ANAs are unreliable.” Ah, but I’m prepared for that one!

“Phospholipid antibodies are negative, so no lupus. Same for churg-strauss.” How many does he need to get?

“You’re arguing with a rheumatologist.” Yes and you could never be wrong? “There’s about twenty distinct auto-immune diseases –“

God this is bullshit. Chase doesn’t need another lecture. “Why are you here?”

“SLE conference.” Yeah right watch the left hand as the right one stabs you. He knows this trick.

“You were in New York last year for the scleroderma conference, I didn’t hear anything from you.” He never hears anything from you.

“Just wanted to say hi this time.” Yeah right. He didn’t want to talk to five years ago when he was needed but now he does? Maybe he really are dying, or suffering some time of stroke because Chase certainly doesn’t believe that his father is suddenly going to start caring.

“You said it, you’re still here.” Go ahead prove him wrong.

“I miss you.” Why now? He doesn’t even really know Chase, he never really did.

“I was 11 years old when you walked out. Now you’re walking back in?” Not if Chase has anything to say about it.

“I left your mother. I didn’t leave you.” Sorry but the fact that he wasn’t there when he was needed would seem to indicate some form of abandonment.

God this feels like poking a sleeping dragon, dragging all these buried memories out into the light of day. Chase can practically smell the alcohol. “Mum was living on gin and tonics, how was I supposed to take care of her?”

“She wasn’t your responsibility.” No but Chase was yours and Rowan left him with a person that couldn’t even take care of herself.

“I know! She was yours.” God Chase doesn’t want to be here, listening to this talking about this.

“I’m sorry she died. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. But she was falling apart long before –“

God Chase has got to get out of there before he pukes or starts crying or both. God puking and crying at the same time, that’s just down right one of the worst feelings in the world. “I’ve got to talk to House about this treatment.” Rowan calls down the hall as Chase walks away but Chase can’t hear him and he clearly still doesn’t know that Chase is deaf.

“It’s too bad that Chase won’t find me in that direction. Rowan spins around and spots House in the doorway to a room 214. “I was trying to think, plus coma guy is a good listener. Doesn’t try to give me any pointless advice.”

Rowan seems to have nothing to say. House’s countenance softens just a little. “Chase never told did he?”

“Told me what?”

“That he’s deaf.”

“Don’t be stupid, Robert isn’t deaf I would know.”

“Oh just like he would know that you have cancer.”

Rowan shifts a bit surprised. “That little blue dot under your collar.” Rowan tugs his collar up as if hiding it after the fact will help. “It’s a tattoo for guiding radiation treatment. I was looking for it after I saw what you had for breakfast: brown rice and vegetables, macrobiotic diet. Popular with Hollywood starlets and cancer patients.”

“Lungs, stage four.”

“You look good.”

“I’m not. Came to the States to go to Sloan-Kettering, and to see Dr. Wilson.”

“What’d he say?”

“Three months.”

“But you haven’t told Robert. And Robert didn’t tell you that he went deaf.”

Rowan stiffened at this. “Look I don’t know why you keep insisting that my son is deaf.”

“Because he is. Sensorineural hearing loss, happened five years ago.”

Rowan look so shocked that House is afraid he’ll faint and since cripples aren’t very good as supporting their own weight let alone another person’s he leads him into 214. Once Rowan is sitting down and had his head between his legs for a few minutes some of the color returns to his face and House isn’t quite as worried about Rowan having a fainting spell. “My God. Five years ago, Robert had written me a letter, telling me that we needed to meet in person. That something happened and that it couldn’t be said over the phone. I-I remember thinking how ridiculous that was. Surely nothing could be that imperative, after all we hadn’t talked since his mother died. So I called him up. Some woman answered, and the first thing I thought was that he’d gone and knocked up some girl. All he said into the phone was, ‘I can’t talk to you over the phone Dad. We need to meet in person.’ Then he just hung up. I just assumed that if he really needed to speak to me that he would give in and call me back. But he couldn’t talk over the phone because he was deaf. I just don’t see how its possible.”

There was an uncomfortable silence and House saw the opportunity to move on, he didn’t do comfort. “You should tell him about the cancer.”

“I’d prefer you not tell him.”

“Yeah, it’s better. I’ll get to see his face when he reads his dad’s obituary.”

“It’s not your business.”

“I suppose it isn’t. Just like telling you that Chase is deaf isn’t either.”

*****************

“He’s getting worse. Now his entire right hand and forearm are paralyzed.”

“And his fever’s back, it’s back over 105.”

“If we don’t stop the nerve deterioration quickly, he’ll be paralyzed for life.” Ohhh look Foreman is actually going to speak.

“Well, luckily, at this rate, that should only last about a week. Okay, so –“

God this was all his fault. “I told you we should get him off the cytoxan. This is toxic neuropathy. We’ve been shoving drugs into his system for a disease he doesn’t have!” Chase should have pushed harder! He knew the diagnosis wasn’t right but didn’t push hard enough he should have convinced them.

“You know, it could be neurological.” Oh thank you Mr. Neurologist.

“What kind of brain process would cause a paralyzed hand, skin lesions, and swollen throat nodules?” Ahh Cameron still defending your hero, the Good Dr. Chase?”

“Robert was right. You said multiple neurofibromatosis.” Damn, did his father just agree with him?

“Are you saying that for the chance of a beautiful family moment, or is there some medicine involved?”

“Fits better.” Yeah now that his idea isn’t working.

“Too bad. I was hoping for the other reason. I was gonna go get my camera. Get a CT scan. His brain this time.”

*********************

“Why didn’t you tell me that Rowan Chase was in to see you?” He’s allowed to get disgruntled at Wilson, actually he’s allowed to get disgruntled at everyone.

“Ethics, confidentiality? Does any of this ring a bell?” Probably not.

“You could have covered yourself.” Scoff, Scoffy McScofferson Wilson could have found a way, “Called me in for a consult.”

“It is a juicy piece of gossip.” His eyes light up just a little, deep down under all that good moral fiber is a nattering school girl. “You know what happened? I got all focused on his cancer and lost perspective.” See? Damn moral fiber, gets in the way of all the fun stuff.

“You can’t tell Chase, but I can. What should I do?” Look he’s actually asking for advice.

“Oh! This is where I give you advice and pretend you’re going to listen to it. I like this part.” Fine you can be re-named Scoffy McScofferson. “Did Rowan ask you not to tell?”

“I promised I wouldn’t. My fingers were crossed, though, so I’m wide open.”

“I was wrong! This is the musing-out-loud part! Do I actually need to be here?” So Wilson doesn’t know what to do either huh?

“Telling him, now that’s got real entertainment value.” Which is true then there can be a blow up of Chase vs Chase light, the whole you’re dying, you’re deaf thing could be fun.

“Hmmm, he might even cry.” Humm Wilson sounds a bit too gleeful about that. Perhaps House has been a bad influence on him? Nah, only good could come from being more like him. “On the other hand, there is the “do unto others” thingy.” Damn moral fiber is back! Doesn’t he ever get the stuff stuck in his teeth?

“Then I should definitely tell him! I’d want to know.” As long as House didn’t, you know, have to actually talk to his dad.

“You want to know everything. There’s also the “keeping your promises” thingy.”

“Oh, you never run out of thingies. Like that blonde thing you were chatting up.” Since he’s not going to tell me anything productive House might as well mock him some.

“She’s the hospital accountant! We were going over billing procedures!”

“Double-entry bookkeeping?” Who is he kidding!?

“What are you going to do?” Wouldn’t he like to know.

“Billing procedures. They’re so complicated, aren’t they?” Damn his parting shots are so good he should have his own show.

****************************

Chase is staring at the CT intently when Cameron grabs his shoulder and Chase jumps slightly, “do you have to do that?” His tone is slightly irritated. You think she would realize by now that he doesn’t like to be touched suddenly.

“You know, parents are never as bad as kids think they are.” Yeah right what did her parents do to her, hug her and kiss all her boo-boos? He’d learned long ago not to cry, no one ever comes.

“You like my dad so much, ask him out.” She does seem to have a thing for older men.

“I’d make an excellent step-mom, I’m very lenient.” Oh now that is just disturbing. She really is all screwed up. “He’s your father, you never see him, and he’s here. Unless he’s done some unspeakable thing, you should lighten up.” Well you know he hasn’t been talking about it so maybe it is unspeakable? Did she ever think of that?

“Right, thanks for the tip.”

Chase tries to turn back to the CT but Cameron grabs his shoulder again. “Okay. He beat your mom. He beat you.” God how much more personal does it get? Doesn’t she realize that he can’t hear her tone of voice, she’s obviously joking because she seems to think that Dr. Rowan Chase walks on water. He wonders that if he told her that his father molested him as a child that she would bloody well leave it alone. “What did he do?”

Some how he doubts it. “Really, don’t push it.”

“All this hate. It’s toxic.” She just bloody well can’t leave it alone, she’s worse than House in some ways, at least with him he can admit that it’s just curiosity, but with Cameron it’s all wrapped up in concern and caring that rings so very false.

“Then stay away.”

********************

“Clue number one: If I were Jesus, curing this kid would be as easy as turning water into wine.”

“Demonic possession?” Ohh Foreman wouldn’t want to stick one’s neck out there would we?

“Close, but no wafer. Clue number two: Rheumatology Rowan was almost right. It causes auto-immune symptoms.”

No it couldn’t be could it? “Leprosy?”

“Yeah, that’s real big in the Jersey suburbs.”

“It’s leprosy.” Ha! “Run a FITE stain, it’ll be positive. Daddy hung out on the wrong kind of Indian ashram.”

“But it’s obviously dormant in the dad, how could the kid catch it?”

“It’s not dormant in the dad, it’s just slow. Damaged his ulnar nerve, was misdiagnosed as carpal tunnel. Never trust doctors. Run a FITE stain.”

“No wonder he got anthrax. The leprosy weakened his immune system.”

“Vicious circle. The leprosy made him vulnerable to the anthrax, and the anthrax treatment put the leprosy in overdrive.”

“But the antibiotics we gave him, they cure leprosy.”

“Yeah, that’s where the trouble starts. The antibiotics hit the nerve strands, they kill the leprosy bacteria. The corpses get tossed into the system. And as fascinating as our bodies are, they’re also stupid. They produce antibodies to beat dead bacteria. And these aren’t the polite antibodies, they’re the ones that won’t sit still, kick during naptimes. They attack his neural and fat cells, cause some inflammation and all the rest of his symptoms.”

“So the cure’s killing him!”

“I want you to call down to Carville, Louisiana, home of the last leper colony in the lower 48. Get them to send up some thalidomide.” Okay so Cameron is going to protest with?

“Thalidomide?”

“Twelve year olds don’t have sex, right? So he can’t be pregnant. Make the call.” Well everything is wrapped up and the patient should start to get better soon. In a way it felt even more tense now that there wasn’t the drive to prove his point to his dad. Chase is walking to leave the room when Rowan grabs his arm.

“We have to talk.” All eyes are on them as they walk into the lounge and close the door.

Chase is on the defensive, arms crossed stance closed off. Clearly waiting for his father to start in. “Why didn’t you tell me that you went deaf?”

Chase shifted a bit feeling that familiar guilt that he should have tried harder, but he shoved it away, he did try! “I tried but you couldn’t break away from your research. You couldn’t be bothered!” As he starts in he can feel all those years of anger welling up. “What happened Dad? Are you dying?” The vitriol anger started to spew out and once it started he couldn’t stop it. “Is that why you suddenly want another chance?” Chase didn’t realize it but his voice continued to raise, usually if he had a problem with regulating his volume it was that he was speaking too low, but not this time. “I’ve given you more chances than any one person deserves, and you frittered them away as if they didn’t matter, as if I didn’t matter.” The righteous anger that Chase felt had drained away by the end of his speech, leaving an emptiness that made him wish he could stay angry at his father forever, it would at least be a kind of warmth.

Chase turned to go too spent to stay any longer, but Rowan grabbed his arm. “Robert wait.” Chase turned and waited not expectantly, but he’d stopped expecting things from his father long ago. “I-I’m leaving this evening. It was good to see you.” Chase nodded woodenly and that night when he was in bed trying to sleep he pretended that he really didn’t want to be stopping by his father’s hotel to talk to him, and he pretended that it didn’t really hurt anymore. He didn’t think that he fooled anyone, least of all himself. At least Cameron couldn’t harass him about his father anymore now that he was gone.

House on the other hand would lay in bed that night thinking about fathers and sons and whether or not Chase realized that he was right about why his father wanted another chance.

Whew! That was a monster! I’m not sure where the story is going next. I’ll have to ponder. I had some ideas for Volger and I wanted to see them get together, oh the images I have of that. Any hoo I feel really good about this one, just enough spin to really twist it good, plus it was a lot of fun getting in to the character’s heads.