Title: Kids and Their Toys

Series Title: The Inner Child 3

Author: Goddessof7s

Summary: A tow headed boy wanders into the Clinic and the team has its most interesting case yet.

Rating: PG

Notes: Now I would like to warn all of you fans who like plausible stories, with no fiction except characters. This is not the story for you! This will require heavy suspension of dis-belief, YOU ARE WARNED! Flames regarding scientific accuracy will be printed to be scoffed and mocked in front of all my friends!

Archive: www.angelfire.com/weird2/butterflywings and anywhere else just let me know so I may go and admire them.

Warnings: There is no slash in this story. It is more of a character study. Major characters are Chase and House with bit roles from everyone else.

House couldn’t take it anymore, “I’m going home!”

Cameron looked up, hair limp and eyes drooping, “What? Why?”

House sighed. “We’ve gotten nowhere!” House gestured at the board and the fact that three of the four diagnoses were marked off leaving only fountain of youth. “We might’ve disapproved the other possibilities but there is no way to prove the last one. Where would you even start? I’m going home to sleep in my bed and shower in my shower.” House looked in the other room at his couch, he couldn’t see the lump curled up on the couch but he knew it was there. “Besides,” House gestured expansively to his office. “Robbie can’t continue to sleep on the couch in my office.” He started limping toward his office. Opening the door he turned for one last parting shot. “I thought we’d change it up and have him sleep on my couch at home.”

Poking the lump on the couch House watched disinterested as Robbie popped up from underneath the blanket. “C’mon we’re going home.” Robbie obediently followed House and Cameron watched them go, half excepting Robbie to drag the blanket after him like a woobie, but he didn’t. Cameron wouldn’t tell anyone but she felt jealous that House was opening himself up more to Robbie than he ever would with her. She sighed with longing as she spotted House absent-mindedly place a hand on Robbie’s head and lead him into the elevator. When she threw herself back into the test results she managed to fool herself into thinking it was only her drive to help Chase that caused her to work with such fervor.

******************

It didn’t take long for House to make up the couch while Robbie showered and changed into an extra shirt that House had given him. House almost collapsed on the couch he’d just made up, it suddenly hitting him that he’d taken into his home a kid! Okay so the kid was actually his 26 year old fellow turned into a 12 year old child. One that was quiet, unobtrusive and constantly afraid of being rejected. House supposed that was one of the reasons he’d brought Robbie home, he’d promised the kid, albeit when he thought that the most complicated it was going to get would be to drive the kid to his father’s house.

It’d become a little more complicated then that, but watching a 12 year old kid who teetered on the edge of an abyss he couldn’t help but understand. House could relate to having your world ripped away from you. He just couldn’t conceive of how Robbie was managing to remain so stable. The least he could do was keep a promise to a kid that had had all promises made to him broken. Settling Robbie on the couch wasn’t hard, the Demerol he’d been slipping Robbie for his broken collarbone was making him sleepy and perhaps a little complacent. Robbie smiled up at him, hair damp and flopping into his face, sleepy, “Thank you,” and reached his good arm around House and pulled him close in a half hug something House would normally never allow but managed to make himself relax enough to permit this small bit of comfort. The soft quiet, “Thank you,” issued against his ear again and he knew he’d done the right thing.

House unbent and watched as Robbie curled in on himself as he would when going to sleep, “Your welcome.” Robbie smiled softly, just a bit with his eyes closed and House shoved the fluttery feeling hovering in his heart away as something that wouldn’t last and only hurt him and when he lay down in bed he told himself that he wasn’t really thinking about the warm weight of Robbie in his arms or the parental feelings it provoked.

***********************

House hated waking up. That nasty, dried bacteria taste to one’s mouth, the cramping pain in his leg, bed hair, the whole thing was thoroughly undignified so when he woke up reached for his pills and found them missing he thought it was odd, but he had another stash in the kitchen and it was much more worth while to get the pills first then think about the one’s that were missing. The scene in the kitchen that greeted him was wholly unexpected. Of course he’d forgotten about Robbie and bringing him home the previous night, but it certainly all came flooding back. Along with this delicious aroma that he assumed was emanating from the pan in front of Robbie on the stove.

At the sound of House’s footsteps Robbie turned and beamed, “Good you’re up! Brekkie1 is almost ready!” Robbie directed House to a chair with a glass of orange juice and a pill that looked suspiciously like Vicodin in front of it. House sat and then picked up the pill and examined it to determine if it actually was Vicodin. Deciding yes he swallowed it and waited for the drugs to hit his system. After a few minutes he felt the drugs taking the edge off the pain making it less sharp and prominent. It was right around this time that Robbie slid an omelet in front of House along with a fork. Just looking at it made House salivate. As House saw it he had two options at this point, ask Robbie about the pills and make a big bru ha ha about it and let this absolutely delicious omelet go cold or eat the omelet and then make a big bru ha ha about the pills. House was nothing if not self servant. The omelet was just as good as it smelled. analyzing the contents he discovered tomatoes, green peppers, onions, mushrooms and cheddar cheese. Three of these things he was positive weren’t in the house and another that was probably really questionable in it’s veracity. At this point he didn’t really care, but he was going to ask just not when it would cause the cheese to congeal.

The silence was nice, House supposed that any other kid would be busy running their mouth about this or that but Robbie seemed content to eat in silence. House was scrapping the last of melted cheese off the plate with a finger when he asked, “So where’d some of this stuff come from?”

Robbie got up from the table and started to clear it. “I went to the store. Last night on the ride home I noticed a grocer right up the road,” Robbie scowled at him as he took House’s plate, “you need to take better care of yourself.”

“About that,” Robbie started to run water in the sink and clean the dishes, “why did you take my pills?”

Robbie turned soapy dish in one hand and sponge in the other, “You take too many of those pills. You have too many of them too.” Robbie turned back to the plate and scrubbed furiously and House felt a chill of understanding wash through him. Suddenly he didn’t have the heart to make a big deal about the pills, not now that he understood. He’d just get Wilson to get him a new script or find one of his stashes.

Leaving Robbie to the comforting act of cleaning House took a shower and changed. When he got out there was a stack of clean clothes on his bed. Folded that he was positive had been dirty, but his favorite t-shirt was in the stack so he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Wandering out to the living room he said, “Hey Robbie, did you wash my laundry be-“ and paused as he took in his spotless living room. Robbie was apparently finishing up by folding the bedding and neatly stacking it.

Robbie turned and looked up, “I had to wash my clothes so I went ahead a did a whole load.” He bit his lip pensively.

House forced himself not to frown knowing what that would to the kid, “No, no it’s fine thank you.” Then it occurred to House that Robbie only had one set of clothes, the one’s he was currently wearing. He’d been in them for over 48 hours, no wonder they needed to be cleaned. Well he’d been out of them for an hour or two while the team combed them over with a fine tooth comb to see if there were any hints as to what happened or were Robbie had been. Robbie’s distaste of the peds “paper pj’s” was almost worth the disappointment of losing another lead. Loathe as he was to do it, it was apparently necessary, “C’mon we’re going shopping.”

Robbie walked along side, “Are we going to Vinnie’s2?”

House looked down at him, “Vinnie’s?”

Robbie rolled his eyes, “You know the thrift store?”

“God no wonder your wardrobe is hideous!”

Robbie looked up in confusion, “Huh, what?”

“Never mind kid.” House had to wonder though why someone like Chase who grew up in a rich family ever felt the need to shop at a thrift store.

House hadn’t ever been shopping for kids before and he went to the only place that was sure to have the right size of clothes, the 5th circle of hell. I.e. the mall. House hadn’t been to a mall in over ten years and the fact that he was dragging himself through this debasement of humanity showed how much the kid had grown on him. Dammit he might actually be getting attached.

The shopping was less mind numbingly painful than he expected. House picked the first kid’s clothing store and told Robbie to pick out three pairs of pants and five shirts. Robbie quickly left to get a feel for the American system of sizing and House picked out a pack of socks and underwear. They needed enough to get by, but only until they could figure out what happened to Chase. House had to focus on the fact that they were going to change Robbie back into Chase. Otherwise he didn’t know what he was going to do.

He was standing there waiting impatiently when a very attractive woman in her thirties walked over. “So are you here with your kid?”

House looked her over and at her hopeful _expression, “Why yes I am.” Hmm he hadn’t considered the whole babe aspect of the thing. He should have known there would be a way to work the situation to his advantage, besides getting free breakfast and his house cleaned.

Robbie walked up with his clothes draped over one arm. “Okay I’m finished.” The woman looked a bit startled at Robbie’s accent and then her eyes narrowed in consideration at Robbie’s looks, House suspected that he might be busted. He decided to try and salvage the situation, maybe get pity sex or something.

“Robbie this is,”

“Jeanette,” Ah the wonders of etiquette just hand your name right over.

“Jeanette this is my son Robbie.” Robbie’s eyes widened briefly before falling into placid face, he stuck out his hand and offered to shake Jeanette’s.

“Nice to meet you Ma’am.”

“And it’s nice to meet you.” Jeanette crouched down and started to speak slower and condescendingly. “That’s a nice accent, where’d you get it.”

Robbie scoffed and looked at House incredulously, as if to say, ‘is she for real?’ “Me Mum, she’s Australian. Dad married her,” Robbie started to fib as if sensing Jeanette’s doubt. “But he’s not my biological dad. He takes care of me though since Mum died of cancer.”

The woman shocked and feeling guilty now for suspecting House of playing her turned all sympathy and sweetness, but House had no interest in her any more. Despite her beautiful appearance he was almost positive that she would want to talk about his ‘late wife’ before sex and she almost certainly would be one of those gooey baby talkers in bed. Yuck, what a turn off.

“Well sorry we really must dash. Important widow stuff.” House turned and murmured to Robbie low enough, “You’ve already paid for the clothes with the money I gave you right?” Robbie nodded his ascent. Good House hated to ruin a excellent exit.

As soon as they had exited the store, Robbie turned to House, “I can’t believe that you wanted her.” His tone dripping with disdain. House was a bit shocked at this display of emotions, either Robbie was starting to really open up or he really didn’t like that woman. Not to mention that despite the fact that he didn’t like her he was still going to help House nail her. When did Chase lose that wonderful ability to lie convincingly at the drop of a hat?

“She’s attractive!” House said defensively.

“Oh sure, but after you bang her she’d be the kind to ‘honey buns’ or some such nonsense and want to move in with you.” Wow, House was just shocked at Robbie’s vulgar language. He also thoroughly agreed with the boy. “I mean that woman certainly wasn’t there to be a decent mother.”

Now that was interesting, “What makes you think that?”

Robbie scoffs, “Her purse. Too small. Only enough room for a compact and a lippy3.”

“So?” House liked a woman that traveled light.

“So, good mothers carry stuff like handkerchiefs, Tylenol, and small toy cars for kids to play with if they get bored. She was there shopping, but not for clothes.” House felt a little sad to realize that Robbie’s mom had probably never carried anything more than her compact and lipstick. They walked in silence for a while making their way back to the entrance when Robbie stopped and said he was going to the bathroom really fast. House paused and realized that Robbie was at least kind enough to stop next to some benches, House’s leg was really starting to act up and stiffen, and House vowed that the next stop would be the hospital and Wilson or he might end up going back on his promise to not get upset with Robbie about the pills. Almost five minutes later House was wondering exactly how long it took to empty a bladder that was smaller than his fist when Robbie appeared beside him. “I saw how stiff your leg was,” Robbie passed him a paper cup with water and a Vicodin. House wondered briefly if he could wrangle another one out of Robbie but opted to leave it alone.

“Thank you.” House knocked back the pill and the water and they sat on the bench in silence waiting for the pill to work. Finally House decided that it’d been long enough, “so where did you get the money for the groceries?”

Robbie looked down a bit, nervous, “I went through my locker at work, or that is to say Chase’s locker,” House and consequently Robbie had gotten in the habit of referring to Chase the older and Robbie as two different people. Robbie clearly feared repercussions for going through his grown up self’s locker.

House laughed and patted Robbie on the shoulder. “I don’t think that anyone is going to accuse you of stealing from yourself. C’mon we’d better get a move on.” His leg was even less stiff than he thought it would be. Walking along they passed a toy store and now that House had a Vicodin flowing through him was feeling much more amicable. “Why don’t we stop in here?” House waved his hand.

Robbie shrugged a bit lopsided, but his shoulder was clearly feeling better, “Okay.”

House immediately wandered over to the games section looking for a new gameboy game that might spark his interest. Robbie hadn’t been interested in the machine when he’d showed it to him. House suspected it was just another strange thing to go along with his whole world at this point. House slowly drifted closer to where Robbie was to see what had caught his interest. House knew that Robbie wouldn’t ask for anything, too afraid of imposing, of rejection, of finding out that if he asked for it House wouldn’t care enough to get it for him.

When House saw him staring longingly at a cheap soccer ball that wouldn’t cost more than ten dollars with tax he knew he’d end up buying it. No wonder he’d never had kids, they’re damn expensive. He vowed to get Chase to pay him back for all this stuff when they turned him right. House snatched one of the soccer balls off the shelf and told himself he wasn’t getting soft he was finding something to entertain the kid and keep him out of his hair. He walked briskly up the aisles toward the cashier causing Robbie to hurry to catch up, “What are you doing?”

House looked down at Robbie, “What do you think, five months of training and I could be the next Mia Hamm.” Robbie blinked in confusion and House realized that Robbie wouldn’t know about her she didn’t become well known until ‘94 and famous until ‘96. “I thought you might like to play a little footie. Isn’t that what you Brits call it?”

“I’m Australian.”

“Same difference.” And the routine of the conversation relaxed House a bit and made Robbie relax too. At least enough to accept a non-practical gift like a simple soccer ball.

***********

House left Robbie practicing with the soccer ball in his office, he doubted that Robbie would lose control of the ball enough to break something, but there wasn’t anything of importance out, like a TV or anything, and he went in search of Wilson. It turned out he didn’t have to go far apparently Wilson was searching for him.

“Where have you been it’s 4 in the afternoon! Cuddy is furious!”

House winced, “Look I took the kid home last night, I wanted to sleep, there was nothing that I could do here anyway. Then we went shopping.”

Wilson raised an eyebrow at this, “You shopping?”

House sighed, “He needed some different clothes. We have to face facts, we aren’t going to solve this over night. We need something semi-permanent.”

“And what you want that to be you?” Wilson was starting to wonder if Greg had been sniffing glue when he wasn’t working.

“No not really, but despite the fact that Robbie is acting like he’s doing fine, he’s really scared to death. I’m the one that found him and promised him that he’d be okay and right now I’m the only stability that he can conceive of. Point of fact, he took my pills.”

“WHAT?! And you haven’t killed him yet?” Okay after House leaves he’s so searching his office for illicit narcotics.

“He’s been doling them out.” House answered impatiently, “He’s just worried about me. I managed to get a hold of his files. And his parents files. To him in the last year he’s had to get his mom to the hospital for accidental overdoses and alcohol poisoning at least 3 times.” Wilson whistled in shock. “Yeah,” House scrubbed his hand across his face as he realized how deep he was in. Robbie had latched onto him and wasn’t about to let go of the one thing he knew and understood in this very new world: taking care of a drug addict. A good portion of House didn’t want to let him go either. So he wouldn’t. God, it was practically a match made in heaven.

“Look just give me a script for the pills, I’ll find a place where the kid can’t get to them.” Although House had to admit the kid was good, he’d found all five of the places at home that had House’s stashes. It made him wonder if he was wasting Chase’s talents and if he shouldn’t have had him breaking in more than Foreman. “Then I’ll go deal with Cuddy.” Who surprisingly wasn’t that hard to turn to his side of things. Especially when House painted that heart-warming picture of Robbie with those big solemn eyes and how he wasn’t ever going to ask for that ball. Score! Sometimes people were too easy.

“Fine you’re off clinic duty. But I have to have you do something, if you don’t have an official patient and you’re not in the clinic then I need you to teach a class.” House made a face. “Oh please it’ll take up an hour and half of your day three times a week. And you can take Robbie in with you. He seems well-behaved enough.”

“Fine.” House sighed and acted defeated, inside he couldn’t believe how fast Cuddy had caved, no clinic duty indefinitely?! That was so worth putting up with Robbie.

Aussie Slang:

1 Brekkie- Breakfast

2 Vinnie’s- St. Vincent De Paul's (charity thrift stores and hostels)

3 Lippy- Lipstick