SCIENCE EXPERIMENT #1
Title: Experiment #1
Professors: Rob and Paul: "scientists"
Start Date: October 2001
End Date: November 2002
Required Equipment: Various confectionary, chosen at Paul's leisure
Volunteers: None
Unsuspecting Victims: None
Success: Yes!
Science Experiment #1, or "we're just going upstairs for a few minutes" as it became known by suspicious onlookers, was our original and non-homosexual venture. Started in secret in October 2001 after our shock at September 11th died down, we then had nothing to do until we discovered we were in fact scientific geniuses (or genei to you "real" geniuses). Immediately we set about in the art of crackpot science, a relatively unexplored branch.
We first placed several gummy bears atop the lengthy light fittings in an upstairs room at an unnamed Beverley high school, however, during observation over the following weeks many of these were destroyed or eaten, desk fan and mouth respectively. Only one gummy bear was left after fan treatment; one "Gertrude". Additions had to be made, courtesy of Woolworth's and Paul's hard earned cash:
- One white chocolate button avec hundreds and thousands
- One yellow jelly baby
- One chocolate raisin
- One gummy ring
As the months passed, Gertrude, having survived the original fan encounter, became blacker and blacker. At our leisure at approximately the half way point, Rob and Paul added four different coloured skittles to the selection currently at a slow bake on the bright warm overside of the light fittings - however Paul combined the skittles by means of shoe, to crate the ultimate skittle: mosaic style.
November 2002 sees the reaping of the obviously substantial rewards, which must be at least moral if nothing else:
Pre-examining / posing images first:
"See here, my livelihood"
"All goods in order, captain"
--The items collected at the end of the experiment:
"Shaken, not
stirred"
ABOVE: One white chocolate button - you will notice how many of the accompanying hundreds and thousands have self-disattatched, and also how brittle it became, it now being in two halves. (Not tasted)
-Potential money to be made in suing Woolworth's re no sell by date on goods? i.e. Must find student willing to become ill for cash (not difficult).
ABOVE: One incredibly crustified chocolate raisin. (not tasted)
ABOVE: The ultimate skittle was very dirty (it began life on Paul's shoe), but still pliable in the hand. (Not tasted)
ABOVE: One rock and solid ringpiece. (Not tasted: we don't lick rings)
The tastings....
Rob started us off with the tasting of the yellow Jelly baby, the most appetising looking of the selection:
Rob reported that the jelly baby was rock solid and required a lot of effort to chew. The jelly baby is at an estimated weigh-in of 11 months. Here's how it looked post-chew:
Paul then dived right in at the deep end, opting to taste Gertrude, the oldest and wisest of all gummies, weighing in at 13 months young:
Gertrude was almost unbitable, and could not be destroyed by the human mouth. Also, we should note her incredibly black appearance after beginning life as a happy carefree young yellow gummy bear. Here's her post mouthem:
Paul's saliva removed much blackness but the stubborn edges are clearly visible.
Here is the post chewing scene -
The ring fragments appear glased but I assure you were unlicked, unless a hungry Rob dived in whilst my compulsory moustache was being reattached. (*Rob's Note: I did dive in, all the above items have been tasted, they were rank*)
With qualities appearing such as:
-the experiment was declared a success by all involved:
Prepare for blast off with experiment #2 which begins soon (November 2002) !
EMAIL THE TEAM AT science_no_escape@hotmail.com WITH SUGGESTIONS FOR VENTURES, COMMENTS, OR PERSONAL JIBES: PLEASE!
