Disclaimer: I own Kate, Barlow, the author and er…that’s it. The rest belongs to some spiffingly grand folks I call Nintendo.
Notes: I didn’t like the fact that Something Amiss really was over, then Zelda gave me the inspiration yet again to come back with a special. Another big inspiration was whoever wrote Party At Giovanni’s. It’s a hysterical fic and if you wrote it, can we please put it on our website? Please? Pretty please?! Anyway…This is set before Mal comes along, partly because I want to be alone and partly because I couldn’t be bothered to write him in. Brock and Misty were also not available for this fic, but would like to say a big hello to all their…ahem…fans…This is actually very Rocketshippy, and really romantic…but as I am a different sort of writer, for once it is not our beloved James who makes the first move…Let’s get Christmassy. *-*
Giovanni had walked around Rocket HQ three times before he came to his conclusion. The conclusion was, “I hate Christmas.” Everywhere he looked there was mistletoe hanging in doorways, bowl of rare candy in ‘hidden’ places and couples as far as the eye could see, regardless of whether the eye actually wanted to see. Giovanni himself had been attacked by a lonely woman under one doorway, and had very nearly been tricked into eating a rare candy spiked candy cane.
He rounded a corner to find yet another couple. “Hmm…a theme is emerging…and what are you two doing?” The couple sprang apart.
“Mistletoe!” they screamed. Giovanni shook his head and made a mental note to dock their next pay check, which incidentally would be in the year 2034.
********************
Jessie sat on the floor, struggling with masses of sticky tape. She had hit it with all three of her weapons and nothing seemed to work. Meowth watched her from on top of a cupboard and laughed.
“Can it, cat!” Jessie yelled at him.
“But…you’ve been wrapping dat thing…for…two hours and thirty-two…minutes…approximately…” spluttered Meowth between peals of laughter. Just then, James walked in. Jessie sprang to her feet and hit him with a sticky tape covered frying pan.
“Get out get out get out!!!” she screamed. James fled. Jessie turned her attention back to the mess of wrapping paper and sticky tape. Meowth dried his eyes.
“What exactly are you wrapping anyway?” he asked, hiccupping. Jessie looked blankly at the wreck of a living room. She rummaged in the paper and sticky tape and held up a box triumphantly.
“A box. How thoughtful,” said Meowth.
“It’s one of those new GameBoy Advance things,” she said.
“What game did you get for it?” asked Meowth.
“That one where you have to wake up a giant Togepi with magical Poke flutes,” she said distractedly. She shook the box. “This feels a little light.” She opened it and found it really was just a box. “Damn it! I must have forgotten to put it back in when I played with it the other day!”
“You played with James’s present before he did?!” said Meowth, shaking his head. “Someone needs to learn about the true spirit of Christmas.”
“I was testing it!” Jessie said indignantly. “I don’t want to give my ‘best friend’ inferior goods!”
“Last year you gave him a box of out of date rare candy!” Meowth reminded her.
“Only by two days…” muttered Jessie. “And it was worth it…” she added, even more quietly.
“What did you say?” asked Meowth suspiciously.
“Nothing…” Meowth let it slide. He really didn’t want to know. Jessie fetched the GameBoy Advance from her room and started on a fresh roll of wrapping paper.
“How did you afford dat ting?” asked Meowth, although he didn’t actually care.
“I’ve been saving up for years. He always wanted one of those black and white GameBoys when he was younger so I started saving then,” aid Jessie. “But then Nintendo kept bringing out new models that cost more, so that’s why it took me so long.” She glared at Meowth. “And that’s why I keep giving him crappy gifts. I couldn’t afford better ones.” Meowth blinked at her.
“O.K., who are ya and what’ve you done with da real Jessie?” he said. “Since when do you do nice things for James?” Jessie opened her mouth to reply then realised he was right. Deep in thought, she took the GameBoy and wrapping equipment into the room she shared with her ‘partner’. Meowth waited.
“Get out get out get out!!!” screamed Jessie. James came running out of their bedroom, covering his sore head.
“What is it with her?!” he asked Meowth, checking his head for lumps, of which there were plenty.
“She’s Jessie. Get over it,” said Meowth. James sighed and fetched some more wrapping paper and his gift for Jessie.
“What did you buy her?” asked Meowth, stretching lazily.
“New earrings,” said James, cutting the paper to size.
“Is dat all?” asked Meowth. “Dat’s pathetic, considering what she got you.”
“No,” said James.
“What do you mean no?”
“I mean, no, that’s not all I got her.” He started covering his box with paper. “What else?”
“I can’t tell you, it’s a secret I'm taking to my grave,” said James. “Well, at least until Christmas Day. And I won’t tell you even then. It’s between me and Jessie. So bog off, I'm not telling you.” Meowth remained silent. He knew James couldn’t resist sharing secrets. Five…four…three…two…one…
“Can you keep a secret?” James asked Meowth, looking into his eyes.
“Of course I can,” said Meowth. James whispered something in his ear. Meowth’s eyes widened. “You can’t give her those!”
“I can and I will,” said James determinedly. “Now bog off.” Meowth walked out, in a bit of a daze. Who knew James could be so…erlack. He tried not to think about it. Jessie was gonna get one hell of a surprise come Christmas morning.
********************
“One more day til Christmas!” squealed Barlow happily. The author rolled her eyes.
“You are so childish,” she said. “Kate would never behave that way.” Just then Kate burst in wearing mistletoe in her purple hair.
“One more day til Christmas!” she squealed, sitting on Barlow’s lap. Barlow looked more than a little surprised.
“What the—?” he asked. Kate pointed at her hair. “Ohhh…”
“Merry Christmas Barlow!” she said, kissing him. The author covered her eyes. Thankfully, Giovanni walked in.
“Mistletoe!” screamed Kate and Barlow. Giovanni rolled his eyes.
“If I had a pound for everytime I’ve heard some couple scream that over the past three months, I’d be a richer man than I am already,” he said. “I'm just here to remind you that the Christmas Party is at nine tonight. First drink is on the house.” Then he went off. Kate and Barlow could hear more couples screaming about a certain plant down the corridor.
“So have you both bought each other presents yet?” asked the author. Last year had been a nightmare. Christmas Eve had been spent watching them both run around a 24/7 Minimart.
“Yep!” said Kate and Barlow happily.
“Thank Baby Jesus and all his stable friends,” muttered the author. “Anything for Jessie and James?”
“Why should we? They steal the limelight from us!” said Kate.
“But we bought an extra large bag of catnip for Meowth,” said Barlow.
“And anything for a special friend of yours?” asked the author meaningfully. Kate and Barlow looked at each other.
“We’ll be at the mall!” they both said, grabbing their coats and running out of the door. The author sighed. Those two were truly useless. Then she too left the apartment to see what Christmas cheer she could cause.
********************
Jessie wandered through the aisles, looking for something suitable for the party. She wanted something that said sophisticated but fun, mature yet young, beautiful but not too slutty…ah what the heck. There was a sequined gold halter neck dress with straps criss-crossing down the back. That would do. She threw it over her arm and walked over to the changing rooms. There she found she did look beautiful in the dress and also not slutty. Sophisticated she nearly got but the sequins didn’t quite qualify. Mature though. Young, maybe not, but make up could remedy that. Fun? Maybe.
What did it matter anyway? She was only going with James, and not even as a date at that. Plus Meowth would be there. He always ruined every single romantic moment they managed to have. She wriggled out of the dress, which got bonus points for being easily removable, just in case…^_^;
********************
“What DO you buy someone who’s invisible to everyone else but us?” asked Kate in despair. “What would she want?”
“You know, I’ve suddenly realised that we don’t know the author very well at all,” said Barlow.
“You’re right,” said Kate. “I mean, she’s been there since I can remember, but what do we actually know about her?”
“We don’t even know her real name!” said Barlow. “What CAN we buy her?”
“We can’t even buy her rare candy, she’s got no one to eat it with,” said Kate.
“How about jewellery?” suggested Barlow. “Or flowers? Or chocolate?”
“How about all three?” said Kate. “After all, she did invent us. Right. You sort chocolate and flowers, I’ll get the jewellery.”
“How come you get to buy the jewellery?” complained Barlow.
“I have more taste,” said Kate.
********************
The couple screamed and ran out of the room. They had just been innocently making out due to rare candy when their bowl of aphrodisiac started hovering in mid air. Naturally, they ran for it. The author put the bowl down and chuckled. Christmas time was more fun than she thought. Then she spotted Giovanni. A plan started forming in her mind. By Christmas morning, Giovanni would think he was totally insane.
Suddenly she had a horrible thought. If Giovanni went insane and retired, who would run Team Rocket? Probably that annoying Domino, who had unfortunately managed to get her head out of a bucket eventually. The author decided to spike the punch instead, and went off to the mall. Needless to say, the shop attendant was very surprised when eight bottles of vodka and a gallon of rum floated out of the store.
********************
“Where’s Jessie?” asked Meowth.
“Bathroom, getting ready,” said James, who had already put on his suit and looked incredibly hot. “Why it takes her two and a half hours to put on a dress I really don’t know.”
“Dere’s more to it dan dat,” said Meowth. “She has to put on all dose layers of make up too, and fix her hair into dat stupid curl.”
“I like the curl! She wouldn’t be Jessie without it!” said James.
“Whatever you say, perv boy,” said Meowth.
“I'm not a pervert!” said James indignantly, stepping on Meowth’s tail just as Jessie came out of the bathroom.
“James bought you furry handcuffs!” yelled Meowth, rubbing his sore tail.
“I am going to KILL you Meowth!” said James, advancing on the small cat. “I thought you could keep a secret!”
“Well…er…it’s quite funny really…and I tink you’re goin ta laugh at dis…” said Meowth.
“Am I?!” said James dangerously, flexing his fingers and imagining what they’d look like around Meowth’s neck.
“Well…when you said…could I keep a secret, I tought you said, could I keep…my fur clean…and dat’s so easy ta do…” said Meowth. A giggle from Jessie distracted James and he turned round to look at her.
“You boys,” said Jessie fondly, in an alarmingly good mood. And no wonder. James gaped at her.
“You look…amazing…” he said. For once she hadn’t put her hair into a curl and it rippled down her back in natural crimson waves (I'm feeling poetic). The dress fitted her like a glove (remember the Pythoness Roy? Sorta like that…^-^…but without Alex’s dad’s belt) and showed off her figure. Jessie smiled at his face and looked at the suit.
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she commented, slipping her arm through his. “We make a good couple,” she said without thinking, then blushing when she realised what she’d said. Meowth rolled his eyes and put on a dickie bow thing.
“Let’s just get dis party over with,” he said, walking out of the apartment. Jessie and James, still red, followed him.
********************
Every single head turned their way as Jessie and James entered the main hall in Rocket HQ. They smiled at the crowds nervously and then joined Kate and Barlow. Barlow was wearing a suit similar to James’s and Kate was wearing a strapless pale blue dress and had tamed her lavender hair into ringlets pinned up at the back of her head. A few strands of hair twirled around her ears and down her neck.
“You look really nice Kate,” said James. “Seriously.” Kate went a bit pink.
“Thanks,” she said. “Want some punch anyone?” They all went over to the giant punch bowl in the centre of the room.
“Have you seen the author anywhere?” Kate whispered to her partner.
“No…did she say she’d be here?” asked Barlow.
“Well, she usually follows us around,” said Kate. “I was just wondering if she’d come.”
“It wouldn’t be much fun for her,” Barlow pointed out. “She’s got no one to go with. That’s why I'm so lucky to have you.” Kate really did blush this time.
“Goodness, all these gorgeous men giving me compliments, however will I choose?” laughed Kate. Barlow poured her some punch.
“To Kate, and may she make the right decision,” he said. They drank the punch. “Hey Boss!” Giovanni turned to look at them. “Good punch!”
“Really good,” said Kate, slurring her words a little. “Want some more?”
“Sssure I do,” said Barlow. “Then let’ss find ssomewhere a little…quieter…” Kate giggled and took him off to one of the bedrooms. Jessie and James watched them go.
“You got a camera?” asked Jessie. James brought out a video recorder.
“I knew this would come in handy,” he said. “Blackmail is such fun.” They followed Kate and Barlow. The author watched them go.
“Needs more vodka,” she muttered, pouring another bottle into the punch, which was now 20% alcohol.
********************
Three hours later, everyone was truly drunk. Butch and Cassidy were making out in a dark corner and Kate and Barlow had not yet returned from the bedroom. Hmm. Jessie and James were going around Rocket HQ, videoing as many people as they could find (some seemed to have disappeared. One couple, named Sundance and Kid, were actually on the roof)
“O.K., I think that’ll do,” said Jessie, putting away the camera. “We should have enough here to take a holiday to Alcapulco next year.”
“Ooooh!” said James.
“No bikinis.”
“Darn it,” he muttered. “Where’s Meowth?”
“Swimming in the punch bowl.” James rolled his eyes.
“Of course he is. Need I even ask?” he said. “Let’s go back to the apartment before we get as bad as Kate and Barlow.” They slowly walked back to their flat, holding each other up. They had drunk a lot of the punch. At one point, Jessie realised she was making out with Giovanni. It was then that they both drank a lot of water to try and sober themselves up. Where had James been I hear you ask? Why, proclaiming his love for Jessie to a wall of course. The author had found this very entertaining, although her judgement was tragically skewed as she too had had a glass of the evil punch.
Suddenly, all went black for James.
“Help! Jessie help me! It’s all gone dark!!!” he squealed.
“Relax, it’s only me,” said Jessie with her hands over his eyes. James heard a muffled click as she opened the door and lead him in. “Keep your eyes shut….keep them shut…O.K…open them…” James opened his eyes. The whole flat was decorated with winking coloured fairy lights. Rose petals were scattered over the floor and furniture and a candle lit up the table. Also standing on the table in a crystal vase was a single red rose.
“I wanted to make you dinner, but then I realised I couldn’t cook,” said Jessie. James breathed a silent sigh of relief. The last time Jessie had tried to cook something she’d wiped out eight of Meowth’s nine lives. “So I bought you all of your favourite foods. They’re all terrifically unhealthy and will ruin my figure, but what the hell. Sit down,” said Jessie, pulling out a chair. James sat on it, trying to breathe.
“You…you did this…for me?” he asked, hyperventilating. Jessie got him a paper bag. “Are you…feeling…O.K.?”
“I feel fine,” said Jessie, taking away the bag and shoving a donut in his mouth. “Now shut up and eat.”
********************
“Do we have a doctor in the building?!” yelled Kid. “Sundance fell off the roof!!! I think she’s broken something!!!! She could die!!!!” Everyone in the hall cheered and drank some more punch. Kid bent over his partner.
“Are you O.K. Sunny?” he asked. Sundance sat up.
“Of course I am. This is a cartoon. Apart from the usual scratch marks I'm perfectly O.K.,” she said. Everyone in the hall booed and drank some more punch. “Oh Sundance, I thought I’d lost you!” said Kid dramatically.
“You’ll have to try harder then that,” remarked the author, drinking her fifth glass of punch and collapsing on the floor. “Needs…more…rum…”
********************
“Done?” asked Jessie. James finished off his ice cream and nodded. “Oh James you’re hopeless.”
“What?!” asked James.
“You’ve only gone and got ice cream on your nose,” said Jessie, leaning over to wipe it off.
“It’s like you’re my mum,” said James.
“Huh,” said Jessie. “I'm way prettier than her.”
“Yes, you are,” agreed James. Jessie stopped, looking at him in a puzzled way.
“James…?” she said, leaning in closer to him.
“Yes Jessie?” asked James, holding his breath.
“Where did you put those handcuffs?”
********************
So as is usual with these fics, we now go to the next morning. Jessie and James lay snuggled up to each other, dreaming happy dreams. Jessie slowly opened her eyes to find that the night before had been real and not just the result of rare candy. And actually, I think I’ve been rather good in this story about not using too much of the stuff, fun though it is.
“James?” whispered Jessie. He opened his eyes.
“Morning beautiful,” said James, stroking Jessie’s hair. “Sleep well?”
“The best I have in months,” said Jessie happily.
“Yeah me too. Wonder why that is?” said James, with no hint of sarcasm in his voice.
“Sometimes you are impossible,” said Jessie, hitting him gently. “But I love you for it.”
“I love you too Jess,” said James, kissing the top of her head. “This has quite possibly been the best Christmas ever.”
********************
“This has quite possibly been the worst Christmas ever,” said Kate. “My head feels like it’s bursting!”
“Mine too!” said Barlow. Everyone else in the hall agreed and took some Alka-Seltzers washed down with more punch.
“Oh I don’t know,” said the author grinning. “I had a pretty good time.” Kate and Barlow immediately started pummelling her. Everyone in the hall drank some more punch and joined in, even though they couldn’t actually see the author. It ended up in a huge mud wrestling match, though where the mud came from is beyond me. The author wriggled out from underneath a pile of Rocket members and wrote two words to end her pain:
THE END
Then, after some consideration, she added:
GOD BLESS THEM
EVERY ONE
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!
