Hedgehog Soup For The Sonic Soul

(Warning: Don't try this at home.)

Are those mean people teasing you in school just because you like Sonic the cool dude?
Well, here's your solution, KILL THEM!!! PUNCH THEM!! POKE THEIR EYES!! KICK THEM!! You're live peacefully for the next few days, (until the police arrests you).

Are people telling you that Pokemon is better than Sonic, and you just don't agree?
The solution is very simple, just follow the same one above.

Are you trying to cook a chillidog but you don't know how?
This is so easy, if you can't cook one, just buy one.

Are you trying to talk like Sonic but you can't?
Here's what you do, don't talk like Sonic, stupid. You're going to ruin his image if you keep that up.

Are you trying to fly like Tails?
Go to the highest mountain and jump down. (By the way, I don't like Tails).

Are you trying to have big knuckles like Knuckles?
Just buy a pair of gloves and stuff cotton into them. But you better not start picking a fight with people with that glove.

Are you trying to be just like Shadow?
That's easy, just kill yourself and you'll be dead, just like Shadow.

Wanna be a treasure hunter like Rouge?
Use your head, go to a jewelry store and buy some jewels instead.

Do you want to meet Sonic the hedgehog for real?
Buy a hedgehog and name it Sonic. Then you can meet Sonic everyday.

Do you want to be as fat as DrEggman?
You ARE already fat.

Do you have no friends just because you like Sonic and nobody else does?
There are a lot of people on the 'net who likes Sonic. Just get a life and e-mail them. They are probably just like you.

How can I have shoes like Sonic? (Ques by AlleyCatTaylor)
First of all, paint your shoes red and white. Of course, that's the easy, predictable part. However, if you really want the shoes to be like Sonic's, you got to put flour-rising-powder i.e. baking powder into the shoes, and of course, bake it. Then the shoes *might* rise, and become just as round-ish as Sonic's. If you don't like to waste your shoes, you could consider moulding cake around your feet, and then bake it. If you don't like the results, you can always eat it. Yum, yum.

Do you have problems? If you do, you may e-mail me and the subject MUST, I repeat MUST be 'I need hedgehog soup' or just 'hedgehog soup'. I'll give you the 'sweetest' advice. (And it'll be posted here.)

Home, my cured friend! (I hope it has made your life 'better'!!).