Valerie: Oof! Oof! C'mon, close, dammit! (Sounds of struggle, pulling pants up, and finally a snap of pants being buttoned) Phew! Finally got these stupid jeans closed. A girl has to make such sacrifices to look good... and these tight jeans really show off my figure. Hmm, I might be a little plump around the derierre, but I carry it well. And my weight gives me a nice bosom, if I do say so myself. Wish I had a little more, though, around he hips and chest..oh, well. Can't complain. Now it's time to meet Sarah and hit the midway!

(Outdoors noises, maybe a carnival or something. Definitely a touristy area)

Valerie: Hey, Sarah.

Sarah: Jeez, Val, do you really think those clothes are tight enough?

Valerie: Hey, a girl's gotta look sexy.

Sarah: I don't need any more help with that. The cosmos are on my side!

Valerie: Oh, not this again.

Sarah: You shouldn't scoff at the cosmos! They have awesome powers!

Valerie: Yeah, awesome powers of suck. Listen, Sarah, all that psychic magic crap is nonsense. It just doesn't exist and there's nothing you can say or do that's gonna change that.

Sarah: Hey, look, it's one of those fortune telling machines! Put in a quarter and get your fortune.

Valerie: Those things are such a rip off.

Sarah: C'mon! Try it out! I'll bet it works!

Valerie: Fine, fine (drops in a quarter)

Sarah: What does it say?

Valerie: (Reading fortune) "Today the skeptic shall believe and your wish will come true. Your lucky word is: Balloon. Thank you for patronizing this Ominoius Fortune-Dispencing Machine!"

Valerie: What the hell does that mean?

Sarah: It means you should believe in the supernatural! And what's this wish of yours?

Valerie: None of your business.

Vendor: Balloons! (slight stretching and hissing noises) Get your balloons (More stretching, hissing noises) right here!

Valerie: What's this? Jeez, what's wrong with my bra today? It feels kinda tight; the straps are digging into my shoulders.

Sarah: Wow, Val, are you wearing a new push-up bra or something? You look even bigger than usual.

Valerie: No, it must be something I ate...

Vendor: Balloons! (Hissing, stretching)

Valerie: (To herself) I thought something was wrong with just my bra, but now my shirt's acting up. What gives? The buttons are actually starting to gap a little. Why didn't I notice that this morning? Well, I guess I do swell up a bit during that time of the month. Must have come early this month. Heck, no reason to complain if it gives me some improved cleavage. Here, I'll just release the top button to give these puppies some breathing room. There we go. Yeah, that's right guys, check out my knockers. Looking good, eh? Yeah, I thought so.

Sarah: Are you okay, Val? You look a little chunky there.

Val: Whatever. I'm probably just allergic to something here.

Sarah: Yeah, I know how that is. I get hives and I just balloon up... (Stretching noises, more urgent)

Valerie: (Getting nervous) Yeah, yeah, I, uh, gotta go...(Runs off. Door slams. She's back home)

Valerie: That was sooo weird! Oof, I'm really feeling bloated now. I don't remember these jeans being so tight. They must have shrunk in the wash. I mean, they're so snug that I can barely walk. Ah, here's a mirror. Hmm, was my ass always that big? Guess I might have picked up a couple pounds recently. Gotta work those off at the gym. No wonder my pants feel so tight. Gawd, I gotta unbutton these before I suffocate. (snap) Ah, that's better... Dum duh dum duh. (pop) Whoops, guess I'm getting too big for my britches. My breasts must really be swollen, I actually burst a button there! Well, I'll change before I go out again. What's wrong with me? I couldn't have gained that much weight. Unless...but...nah, it couldn't be. I'll just hunt through the closet for some new clothes and I'll be fine. But first, a little music should help calm my nerves.(Shuffles through CDs) Let's see, let's see, ah, here's a good one! "The Best of Nena."

(Puts CD on. We hear Val bustling around the room, not doing anything in particular, just rearranging stuff or something. She's not really paying attention to th emusic. The song playing is "99 Red Balloons. At first, it plays normally, although Val makes a soft "oof" or groaning noise and attempts to adjust her clothes whenever the word "balloon" is said. After a minute, however, the CD starts to skip...on the word balloon, of course! The stretching, groaning, hissing noises start building, softly at first but growing louder)

Val: Man, what's wrong now? I must be going crazy, it feels like my clothes are getting even tighter. (Groans) And..I feel funny all over. Wait a minute, what's going on here? I'm getting bigger! Oh my God! What is happening to me? I'm swelling up all over! I'm blowing up like a balloon! (Hissing noises suddenly get A LOT louder) I...I must be allergic to something around here, it's the only explanation. Look at my boobs! They're growing so big and round! If they keep going, I'm going to bust the buttons off this shirt. Damn, and this is a new top too! Unless...oh, God, could it be? Could that fortune be true? No, it's just too ridiculous, it's just a stupid fortune... What? What's going on here? I'm expanding downstairs too! My thighs! My butt! They're growing huge! I'm inflating everywhere! Oh, these pants are getting so tight I've got to get them off before they strangle me. Stupid belt. C'mon, c'mon. Argh, I'm getting too big, there's no give to it anymore. I can't get it off! (moans) Oooo, it's sooo tight! Ohh! (Loud snapping noise, buckle breaking) Oh, thank God! I grew so much I blew my belt... that's a relief. But I'm still expanding. What am I going to do? Don't panic, Val! Okay, okay, don't panic, I've just got to get this air out of me. C'mon, I'll just blow it out, simple. (Blows) That didn't work, I'm still blowing up. One more time. (Blows again until out of breath. Gasps.) It's no use, I'm ballooning way too fast. (Hissing noise again increases when she say Balloon. This time Val realizes why she's inflating) Wait a minute, balloon? (Loud hissing, Val groans) Ohh, the pressure! I blow up more every time I hear Ba- that word. Okay, this is okay, as long as I don't hear that word I shouldn't blimp anymore. (She's quiet for several seconds but the hissing continues. Suddenly she realizes that, in the background, the CD is skipping) This isn't working! I'm still inflating like a bal- like a raft! Wait a minute, the CD! It's skipping! Oh, shit, I've got to turn it off before I can't take anymore. If I could just waddle over there...(What's a good noise to indicate waddling? Whatever it is, put it here) Oh, it's no use, I'm getting so full I can barely move...Look at me! I'm turning into a blimp! Crap, I don't think my clothes can take much more. (Clotehs creaking, stretching) My blouse buttons are being stretched further (creak)...and further...(creeeeeak) oh, I'm gonna pop them all right now! (Pop!) There goes one.. (Pop) and another (Pop, pop, pop, pop). Great, now this blouse is totally ruined. And this bra is getting so tight...my growing knockers are going to bust it open too! Oooo...ooo...it's straining and stretching but it can't hold on much longer (creak)...and neither can my pants...my thighs are getting bigger...Gotta reach the CD...If I can just squeeze through the kitchen door and get back into the living room...(creaking, squeezing sounds, like when you rub your fingers against a balloon) Oof! Shit, I don't think I'll make it! This doorway is so damn tight I can't squeeze through. I'm too round! I can't get through! Help! Ooo, my clothes are getting so tight, I think I'm going to pop out of them. My ass feels absolutely huge! It's swelling so big it's going to split my jeans..and my giant hips are going to tear the stitches all the way down my legs...Shit, there they go! (Ripping, tearing sounds) Great, now I'm stuck here in my bra and panties and I'm still inflating..how much longer can they hold? How much longer can I hold? I feel so full and bloated, I think I may pop! Ohhhhh! Oh God, what's going to happen? I can't get much bigger! My skin feels so tight! How much more air can I hold? I've got to stop inflating soon or...or I'm just going to explode! Oh no, I...I don't think I can take much more...getting so full...ohhh...I feel like an overinflated blimp...ohhh, I'm gonna burst, I just know it. Oh God, help! Somebody! Anybody! Help! Help! If I could just reach the phone from here...I could...dial emergency...oof! Gotta reach it... oohh, I'm sooo full...I don't think my skin has much give left in it...(grabs at phone, knocking it down with a ringy, phone crash) Got it! (Dialing) Hello, 911? You've got to help me! I'm trapped in my house and I'm inflating like a balloon! (Sudden loud hissing) Oh, shit! Ohhhhh...No, this isn't a joke! You've got to send someone before I explode! Really! No, don't say that word! No! This is totally real! Hello? Hello? Oh, God, they hung up! And I’m growing too big; my tits are pushing the phone away from me! (Crash and ring) Ugh, I just lost my grip on the receiver! Ooooh, I can’t take much more…Ohhhh(Crash, CD stops) Oh, oh, oh, thank God! I expanded so much I knocked over the stereo. Ugh, phew, sooo glad that’s over. But what am I going to do now? I’m so huge and inflated that I can’t even move. (Door opening noise)

Sarah: (Voice approaching) Hey, Val, are you in here? Are you okay – Oh my God!

Val: Sarah, it’s you! You’ve got to help me!

Sarah: What happened to you? You look like a-

Val: Don’t say that word!

Sarah: - a blimp. What? Huh? Blimp?

Val: No, not that.

Sarah: What then? Whale? Balloon? (Hissing noise)

Val: Aaaa! Yes, that one, don’t say it!

Sarah: What’s going on here? You’re inflating!

Val: I know! I blow up more whenever I hear the word, ball- uh, alloonbay.

Sarah: Ha ha!

Val: What’s so funny?

Sarah: I warned you not to mock the supernatural! See what happens? The spirits are taking their vengence. You laughed at them and now look what’s happened to you. (Sound of rummaging) You’re so big and puffed up you look like you’re ready to pop. You stupid bitch.

Val: What? What are you doing?

Sarah: I’m setting the stereo back up. I’m going to teach you a thing or two.

Val: Noo! Don’t! I’m gonna burst!

Sarah: See, you’re always making fun of me for believing in the supernatural. But now you see the truth. There really is something to all my beliefs. Serves you right, that you totally blimped out like this. I hope you’re happy. I hope you bust like a –

Val: Don’t say it!

Sarah: I won’t. Not yet. But I hope you bust. That’ll show you! Here! (Hits button, music starts again, hissing, straining sounds start again)

Val: Oh, noooo!

Sarah: There! Have fun, you big huge balloon girl!

Val: No, don’t – ohhh, I’m swelling up again! Ooh, I feel my body expanding again

Sarah: Now I’m outta here. Have fun, you bloated blimp! (Opens door)

Val: (Sudden loud hissing, high pitched snap) ARGH! My colossal boobs just blew open my bra!

Sarah: Balloon! (Slams door, hissing is louder, more urgent)

Val: Ohhhhh…Gonna explode, I know it...Ooooo...(stretching, creaking noises, high pitched snaps) And..there go...my panties...ohhhh...now I know I'm next....too big...Help!..Help! Anyone! Somebody help me! I can't stretch anymore! I can't hold another ounce of air without bursting! I can feel it, I'm about to …oh, I’m…I’m about to…--

Sarah (From outside): Balloon!

(Kaboom!)