"We looked kinda okay there," Howie said. "I mean, we called and met up and talked about it, so how did things turn ugly until we had to resort to our so called ‘journey to nowhere’ and ended up in a freaking car accident?"
"And here." AJ added.
Howie nodded and pointed a finger at AJ. "That too."
Brian frowned, his fingers rubbing at the stubs on his chin. "You know, now that I think about it, I can’t even remember what was it we were arguing about."
Nick shook his head. "I can’t remember a thing."
"You okay Nick?" Kevin asked as he watched Nick carefully. Kevin was already feeling the irritation of muscle cramps and had wondered silently if that was an effect of the accident back on Earth, he could only imagine what Nick might have gone through so far.
"I’m tired." Nick whined. "And I can’t remember a damn thing."
"I have a mother of a headache." AJ complained.
"How about you D?" Kevin asked as he raised an arm and started massaging the back of his neck subconsciously.
Howie squinted, as if thinking hard. "Do you realize that there is no day or night over here? We haven’t slept a wink."
"Your point being?" Nick asked.
"I’m sleepy." Howie replied casually, caught half way with a stifled yawn. "How about you Rok?"
Brian shrugged. "Nothing."
"Nothing as in…" AJ said, letting his question lingered.
"Nothing as in I feel nothing, no…pain."
Nick turned to Vinhorian, his eyes wide in fear, it began to water as his lips quivered, struggling to find the words. "Tell us…tell us what’s going on down there. Are we alive?"
"Nick, have some relief in knowing that if you die on Earth, you can’t exist in my world. I hope that answered your question."
"But that doesn’t mean we’re not dying, are we?" AJ asked.
"Yes, you can still die."
Nick found no relief in anything that Vinhorian had said, in fact, he was more alarmed now. "Why isn’t Brian feeling anything? What’s wrong with him?"
"What makes you think there’s something wrong with me Nick? Maybe I haven’t started feeling the effects yet." Brian reasoned.
Nick shook his head, this time, there was no hiding, fresh tears spilled and paved down his cheeks. Feeling frustrated and embarrassed at his childish outburst, he wiped them away with a single swipe of his arm across his face.
"You don’t understand, I felt nothing…when the future me was shot and killed, I felt nothing!"
"But Vin said if Brian is dead, he can’t exist in this place. Brian’s still with us Nick, you gotta calm down kid." AJ pointed out.
"But what if he’s on the brink of death as we speak right now? We can’t really say what’s going on over there now, can we?" Nick argued.
"Nick, you have to calm down, there’s nothing we can do about that now. We agreed to do this, we know what we’re getting ourselves into bro." Brian said.
Nick’s posture slouched in defeat, his weary eyes looking back at Brian in regret. "But you didn’t wanna come Brian, you didn’t want to take the risk. I promised you that you were going to live when I didn’t even have the right to say that."
"I’m glad I came though, I learned so much about us. If I die, Baylee has four men to look up to. I suppose Leighanne can always remarriy to some other nice guy…no regrets Nick."
Nick’s gaze dropped to his feet. "How can you say that? It’d be over if one of us dies. What’s the use then?"
"You’d rather we continue when we’re unhappy with each other then?" Brian asked. Nick didn’t say word. "This trip helps Nick and if I die, I’d die a happy man. Besides, I have no plans of dying, so lets keep ourselves in positive mode here."
Howie’s sudden yawning broke the tension.
"Howie thinks your take on Days of our Lives is pretty much boring." AJ offered.
Nick rolled his eyes.
"I’m sorry guys…I’m just sleepy. I just wish I could get some sleep or something."
Kevin shook his head in amazement. "Far, far away from Earth and some things just never change."
Vinhorian cleared his throat and started to approach Howie. "Hold that thought Howie, I have something else to show you right now."
"Yippee." Howie replied unenthusiastically.
Kevin stifled a chuckle and shook his head. It was very un-Howie to do that.
"This one is a little bit different though." Vinhorian said. Brian raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"
Vinhorian nodded. "I need you to close your eyes."
"Wait, we’re not gonna start feeling each other’s emotions are we? Like the first time?" AJ asked wearily. "Cause let me tell you, there’s only so much of Kevin I can take."
AJ turned towards Kevin with a frown. "Have you ever tried thinking of one thought at a time instead of a million?"
Kevin smiled. "As a matter of fact, no."
-
"I QUIT! WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK WHAT THEY SAY! I DON’T WANT THIS ANYMORE! I WISH I WASN’T A FREAKING BACKSTREET BOY!"
No warnings, no nothing and a very frustrated AJ yelled in his ears. Brian almost opened his eyes from the shock, but something was pulling him back in. He couldn’t stop now, it wasn’t over.
-
Have you ever wished that you were just an ordinary guy?
Sure I do. When it all got too overwhelming and I’m down and out, I wish I wasn’t Brian Littrell the Backstreet Boy.
Kevin frowned. He remembered reading that from a magazine. Had even questioned Brian that very same night.
Are you not happy with stuff Brian?
No Kev, I was just being honest. Don’t tell me it never crossed your mind before. That you wish you had the time of your life to just hang out with your family?
-
What are you thinking right now Kevin?
Right now I wish I was with my wife, I miss her.
But being a Backstreet Boy, you can’t do that now can you?
Not right now, no.
Wish you’re not in the Backstreet Boys?
Yup, right now I wish I wasn’t.
Howie remembered that conversation. It was during the Millennium Tour and both Kevin and Brian were just adjusting to lives being married men. It wasn’t a serious talk though, he remembered it being light, and he knew even now, that Kevin didn’t really mean the things he said. He doubted any of them meant it. Perhaps AJ had, being frustrated as he had sounded then, but he doubted Brian and Kevin did.
Did they?
-
I wish I had spoken up for myself, maybe then, it wouldn’t be too late for me. Maybe I could have said goodbye to you Caroline. I don’t care if I weren’t successful, you’re much more important than that, I wish you know that C.
God damn it, I wish I wasn’t a Backstreet Boy! Then maybe, I could have been there with you. Will you ever forgive me?
- "I wish I were you."
"By all means, be me. I’m willing to trade places with you bro."
"You don’t mean that."
"I mean every word, I’m serious AC, if you wanna be a freaking Backstreet Boy, by all means, take it."
"Do you hear yourself right now?"
"Do you have any idea how hard this is? I’m tired of being treated like this, I’m done with being lied to and used and treated like a fourteen year old, I’m done. You wanna be a Backstreet Boy? Take it then, I wish I wasn’t!"
- "I didn’t mean it!" Nick blurted out the very moment he broke free from the connection. "I didn’t mean a single word!"
"We were angry, we said stupid stuff when we’re mad." AJ agreed.
"I don’t think any of us meant it." Howie said. "Well, maybe at that time…but not anymore."
Brian sighed. "Is there a point to this Vin?"
"I thought we were doing great so far Vin, why the bad memory trip?" Kevin asked as he shook his left leg, hoping to loosen the muscle cramps he was having.
"We’re not done yet guys…each of you had, at a certain point of your life, wished that you weren’t a Backstreet Boy." Vinhorian pointed out.
"I think we got that loud and clear." Howie said, starring at AJ. "My ears still hurt, just so you know."
AJ whistled, avoiding Howie’s glares.
"My point being, we’re letting you explore that side of your life."
"What? Not being a Backstreet boy?" Kevin asked.
"Exactly."
