A display board suspended against the wall just above the television set was filled with framed pictures, Brian found himself moving towards it with a smile, he knew he was going to find out who he was visiting once he saw the pictures. His eyes immediately landed on a picture of him and Kevin, taken on a Christmas morning when he was only fifteen. There was another picture of Kevin standing next to a blonde young woman, both of them were smiling. Brian felt himself stifling his laughter when he realised it was Kristin.
“Well, sorry Howie, but the tribe has spoken, you gotta go.” Brian said out loud only to have his palm covering his mouth seconds later. That wasn’t his voice at all! Immediately, his hands started to touch his face, surprised that he had grown a goatee. Moving up to his hair, it felt longer than it should, and way too curly. “Oh God no.”
Abandoning the pictures, he went on a hunt for a mirror, curious to see what he looked like. His common sense told him that he would most likely find one in the rooms. He bolted to the one nearest to him and was not surprised by the sparsely decorated room and the state it was in, clean. There was no grand dressing table of any kind, just a body length mirror secured into place against the wall by a few nail hooks.
He was as tall as Nick; at least that was how he felt after looking at the reflection. His hair reminded him of Howie’s Bon Jovi haircut, at least that was what Nick said. He was nicely tanned and the most amazing this was, his eyes were of hazel brown. “Tall, dark and handsome, yeah I’d hate myself if I weren’t me too.”
The next thing that came to question was the purpose of him being there. The apartment was completely silent; he doubted if Kevin was home. Who was he supposed to be anyway? There wasn’t a single form of identification on him, not even a driver’s licence. After much consideration, he decided to explore the apartment.
The kitchen was predictably neat and simple. The content of the fridge however, was a real shocker. There were packets of frozen pizzas and a few boxes of Chinese take out leftovers. There were a few cans of beer and assorted brands of carbonated drinks. No fruits, no vegetables.
“That’s weird.” Brian mumbled as he reached out for a diet coke. Opening the can, he walked back to the living room and decided to head for the other room next. The moment he stepped into the room, Brian took a long swig of the diet coke and swallowed it in one gulp. “Damn, what the hell happened here?”
It was a study room, at least that was what it looked like after a huge storm had hit it. The room was a mess and the thick lingering smell of cigarette smoke and dried beer almost made Brian rush out of there and never come back. But curiosity took the best of him. He needed to know if this room was a part of Kevin; the man who despised drinking and smoking. It was the latter that had taken his father away from him forever.
There was a computer set on the desk and a mini hi fi set on the carpeted floor. A keyboard that Brian distinctly remembered was a Christmas present from him and his brother Harold stood next to it. The room was heavily draped in curtains that badly needed a washing and the light was dim and orangey. A single bed was positioned on the other end of the room, a single pillow laid on it. There were pieces of paper sprawled across the floor, some crumpled while others looked like they had fallen from the desk and had not been bothered by Kevin to pick up. An unfinished wooden plank that was suspended against the wall served as a bookshelf and even that wasn’t fully occupied. There were altogether five tattered books on display, four of which were musical books while the last one, was a journal. It was a black paperback with its edges already yellowing and tattered. Brian took it out and walked over to the bed, sitting there for a moment to grasp what he had seen so far.
It wasn’t in his nature to read someone else’s journal, he knew it was wrong but being in the alternate world where his cousin was MIA, he decided that there was a reason why he had found the journal.
Every entry in the book was written in black ink pen and every single page was used up. The first entry however, only started on first May of 1993.
Deadline to register with American Airlines is today. I’ve decided to pass it up. I know somewhere along the line I’m gonna regret this decision but for now, I could care less. I don’t feel like a change and even this shirt is beginning to smell on me.
You know what, I don’t give a fuck.
Brian closed the book, unsure if he really wanted to read more. He knew he didn’t want to, that was for sure, but he also realised that it wasn’t a choice. This was his purpose, to know Kevin Richardson in a world where Backstreet Boys didn’t exist at all.
Trusting faith, he opened to a random page and decided to read, part of him was hoping that it would sound nothing like the first entry.
5th June 1993
Today, Kristin left Disney Land. Turned out, her audition to be on tour with Cher was a success. She would be gone for the rest of the year and that also means, gone from my pathetic life. Not that it was a difficult decision for her to make. Stay with useless boyfriend or tour around the world. I would leave me too.
She asked if we could go for a last dinner together tonight and I said yes. I know it’s my fault that she’s going away, but damn everything else, I love her too much. I wish she knew.
Brian didn’t wait any longer, he needed to know what happen and quickly turned the page for the next entry. The date however, showed that Kevin had skipped two days.
8th June 1993
Spent the last two days writing songs in this room. In between that was spent crying, smoking, drinking and breaks to the john to either pee or puke. I read back the lyrics I wrote and I never thought I could sound so sappy. Everything was about her. Damn her.
So she dropped the bomb on me. She wanted us to end. She said she didn’t know me anymore, didn’t know the man I’ve become. She said I needed to change, for my own good. How dare she even say that to me? I thought she’d be more understanding; I can’t just switch off my emotions and start looking on the bright side.
Damn you God, why make me fall in love if you didn’t mean to give it to me!
Brian flipped a few more pages, unsure if he was able to go on reading. What had went utterly wrong with his cousin that he had turned into someone even Brian didn’t know? Where was he anyway when Kevin was this down? He was sure the Brian Littrell of this alternate world was still as close with his cousin.
15 June 1993
I called mom today just to see how she was doing back home. I miss her a lot. She told me she was going to spend the rest of summer over at Aunt Jackie’s. She asked if I wanted to see Brian and I told her I didn’t want to. I just can’t.
Mom told me that I have to see him one of these days; I just said I’ll do that just to please her. I don’t think I’ll ever find it in me to see him.
Brian felt his hand trembled under the weight of the journal. Suddenly, it felt too heavy to carry. What had happened between them that had turned Kevin this angry. Even the fight between him and Nick didn’t go this far. Brian decided to skip the rest of the entries, some of which were a few pages long while others were written in a few separate entries in a single day. He stopped to the last entry.
4th July 1993
Independence Day. I’ve decided to make a change. Well, not exactly a change, sort of a runaway for a while. I quit my job and withdrew all my savings from the bank. Bought myself a decent car to replace the useless old one. It’s sky blue, perfect for me.
I’ve decided to take a trip, I’m thinking New York right now, but I’m not sure. Actually, I found out that Kristin would be there tomorrow, for three days. I thought I had her out of my mind, but now I realised, she’ll always be a part of me. I can never let her go. I need to see her again.
I’m not sure when I’ll be back but I’m hoping somewhere along the trip, I’d find the courage to stop by home and see mom. And maybe, see Brian. I’m gonna leave this house as it is so when I get back home, I will know if I have changed for the better or not. I have to start saving myself now because no one is gonna save me. I hope I’m not too late.
Kevin
Brian slammed the book shut and went straight for the mini hi-fi. He switched it on to a local station and immediately, the digital numbers on the small screen showed that he was now living in December 30th 1993.
Kevin had been gone for nearly five months now.
“Ewe, I just drank a five month old diet coke.” He switched the radio off and once again, the apartment was filled with silence. Brian stood still from where he was and again, took a good look at the room. This was the real Kevin Richardson in this alternate world. Lost and alone.
If this was how it was going to be between him and Kevin without the Backstreet Boys, then he didn’t want it. Kevin deserved so much more. Most importantly, he deserves Kristin. They belonged together.
Brian almost had a heart attack when he heard the creaking of a door being opened. His heart beat raced a few notches faster. How was he to explain his presence in this house? He didn’t belong here.
“Am I supposed to be a robber or something?” Brian mumbled as he eyed for a place to hide. There was none. There wasn’t even a closet in the room to hide in! He approached the door slowly, creeping like the guilty man he was. From the small gap, he saw for the first time, Kevin.
“He’s back.” Brian smiled, momentarily forgetting that he was about to be in a lot of trouble.
Kevin looked nothing like a drunkard. He was smart as always, his hair still rather long like he used to have it back in those days. He looked like the young, ambitious Kevin he knew back then. Brian hoped that Kevin had met with his alternate self and made amends. After all, blood is thicker than water.
“Who’s there?”
Brian froze. When did he even move? How could Kevin hear him! Damn it!
“Show yourself before I do something you’ll regret!”
He was definitely in a lot of trouble. Why didn’t he have closets in this room!
“Trouble Brian?”
“Ahh!” Brian screamed.
Vinhorian clamed his mouth with his hand. “Shh! He’ll hear you!”
Brian rolled his eyes.
“Quick, take my hand, we have to go now!”
Brian wasn’t about to argue. He reached out his hands for Vinhorian. “You think?”
