When Peter’s breathing calmed to slow, even breaths, Slightly sat up. He stared at Peter for a bit, to make sure the boy was actually asleep. When he was certain he wouldn’t be seen, he stood (wincing a bit at the sharp stings all over his body) and quietly crept out of the new door Hook had made. He stood for awhile outside, getting his bearings and making sure no one was in sight. It was dark, and no stars shone in the overcast sky. The wind was blowing, and it smelled like rain was on its way.

When he decided that all was clear, Slightly walked away from it all. He didn’t know where he was going, he didn’t even really care. He just wanted to be alone. He’d slept for a long time, he knew that, but there had been times when he’d been near to waking, and he had listened to the people talking around him… talking about him. When he’d heard Hook’s voice earlier, it had startled him wide awake, and he had listened to Peter tell his story.

He had remembered bits and pieces of it. He had remembered Jenny some, he remembered what his father had done, and he remembered recovering in Neverland. Hearing Peter put it into one coherent story had helped him piece everything together, and now he remembered it all. He knew he should stay and let Panther take his memories again, that doing so would wipe away (or at least hide) the pain in his heart. But he was confused and angry, and he wanted some time alone, away from everything and everyone that had hurt him. He needed to think.

He wandered aimlessly through the darkened forest, letting his instincts guide his feet. Sometimes he would stop and stand for awhile, head cocked as he listened to a voice deep within himself. His feelings and fears whirled together in his mind, and the harder he tried to understand, the worse it became.

Why does everyone want to hurt me? Daddy, Peter, Hook… they all hurt me while pretending to care. I can’t trust Peter any more, he said he’d be there for me always, and he lied. But he saved my life, he brought me here and I was happy… and now he’s hurt because of me. Billy stabbed Peter, and tonight Hook hurt Peter again because he wanted to know about me.

Everything is all my fault. I killed Jenny when I tattled… I killed Mommy when I made Daddy mad… I shouldn’t have said anything, if I had stayed quiet we could have been a happy family. I should have made Peter go away that day.

I wish Billy had killed me like I asked him too. Why didn’t he? He said he’d do anything for me. Faster the chaotic thoughts whirled in his mind, and he began to run. He ignored the pain from his wounds as he tried to outdistance the hateful, hurtful voices that whispered to him. They told him he was bad, that he was worthless, and that nothing good could ever be his in his life because he didn’t deserve it. He wanted to go back to his friends, to forget everything again… but he couldn’t forgive them or himself.

“Quiet,” he gasped as he ran. “Just shut up and leave me alone!” He skidded to a halt as a new, louder voice spoke to him, silencing the rest. It was his own voice.

“Alone. Quiet. No one can hurt me if I’m alone. I can’t hurt anyone else if I stay away. No one loves me, so I won’t love anyone else ever again.” He nodded, welcoming the peace this decision brought him. I don’t care, I won’t care. Nothing matters. I’ll survive and I won’t let anyone hurt me ever again. His resolve hardened and he smiled. Quietly, he walked away, not even noticing when the sky broke and the rain began pouring down.

Peter awoke with a cry. He was being shaken and it was making his stomach scream in pain. He flailed, knocking the hand away as he tried to sit up.

“I am sorry, Peter,” Panther said gently. “I did not wish to hurt you. You were difficult to wake, and it is important that we speak. Are you alright?”

“My stomach hurts,” the boys said weakly. “Hook hit it last night and it still burns.”

“Captain Hook was here?” Panther asked sharply. They’d seen the cut in the tent this morning, but the rain outside had washed away any meaningful tracks.

Peter nodded slowly. “He…” he paused, frowning at the disjointed memories that came. “He said he wanted to see if we were better. He left my dagger here, then he hit me and left.”

“Let me check your wound,” Panther said as he began removing the bandage. Peter let him work, too tired and sleepy to protest.

“Did Hook take Slightly with him?” Panther asked while he examined the wound. It was irritated and had bled more last night, but Hook hadn’t done any real harm to it.

“What do you mean? Slightly was asleep there when Hook left,” Peter replied, alarmed. He glanced at the other pallet and realized it was empty.

“Slightly is gone and we do not know where he is,” Panther answered. Peter tried to sit up again, and the man had to pin the boy down firmly.

“Let me UP!” Peter yelled. “I have to find him! If Hook has him again…” Peter began to shake in fear and started to thrash about, trying to wiggle free of the Shaman’s hold.

Panther tried to calm Peter, but the boy wouldn’t listen. When he saw the wound begin to bleed freely again, he knew drastic measures were needed. “Tiger Lily!” he called, and a moment later the girl entered the medicine tent. Her eyes widened in shock when she saw the source of the commotion she’d heard outside. “Get the lotus balm and wipe some under his nose! He’s hurting himself.”

“NO!” Peter screamed. He tried to turn his head away from the girl when she knelt beside him, but she deftly smeared the thick cream above his lip. Peter smelled the sweet aroma and his limbs lost the small strength they had. “No,” he whispered again. “Have to… find… him…” His eyes slid shut and he went to sleep.

Panther worked quickly to fix the damage Peter had done to himself. “Take a hunting party and see if you can track Slightly down. He must be found. Wendy and Tinker Bell will be here shortly, I will tell them what has happened.”

“Yes, Father,” Tiger Lily answered as she quickly washed her hands. “We will find him.”

Hook stood on the deck and watched Billy Jukes as the boy belatedly covered Long Tom. He’s still upset. He’d NEVER have let the cannon sit out in the rain this long otherwise. The only reason the gunner was tending to it now was because Hook had ordered him to.

“Mr. Jukes!” he yelled when Billy finished. “I want a word with you in my cabin.” When Billy glared at him and nodded, Hook retired inside and waited. “Sit down,” he said sternly when Jukes entered. Billy took the indicated seat silently without looking at him.

“You heard I went to see the boys last night,” Hook said softly. “I want you to know I didn’t harm them. I merely had questions for Pan. Slightly was resting peacefully and he looked better.”

Billy felt a surge of relief. He’d been so worried the past few days. But he still didn’t speak. He was so angry at Hook, he hated the man so much, that he was afraid of what he might say if he tried to speak to him. He didn’t want to be beaten for insolence or insulting the Captain.

“I’m giving you shore leave, to go see your friend. I owe Slightly for what I did to him, and I think that seeing you would make him feel better,” Hook explained. Seeing the hate in his gunner’s eyes hurt him more than he’d ever thought it would. He’d never asked for or expected Jukes to like him, but the outright contempt Billy exuded was a punch in the gut.

“I know you hate me and I deserve it. Surprisingly, I’d like you to forgive me, you and Slightly both. I won’t interfere in your friendship with the child. I won’t kill Slightly if we capture him with the other Lost Boys. Instead, I’ll give you custody of him, to watch so that I can deal with Pan without killing your friend.”

Billy frowned at the concession Hook had just made. Hook never made deals without strings and loopholes. “The catch?”

“This isn’t a bargain,” Hook snapped, “and it isn’t an agreement. I’m merely telling you my future intentions. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I hope that one day you will…” he was interrupted by a pounding on the door.

“What!” Hook yelled angrily.

The door swung open and Wendy flew in, clutching Peter’s dagger. “Where’s Slightly, Captain Hook!” she demanded angrily.

Both pirates stared at the fierce girl in shock. They’d never seen Wendy wield a weapon, and she had a look in her eyes that swore she’d use it.

“The Indian village,” Hook growled, covering his surprise.

“He’s disappeared,” Wendy snapped. She’d caught their reactions, and decided that they didn’t have her boy. “Peter said you came to see him. When Panther checked on them this morning, Slightly was gone.”

“I assure you, Miss, when I left them, young Slightly was still asleep,” Hook said soothingly.

“I bet he’s lying,” Nibs called from the doorway.

“No, he’s not,” Wendy answered. “Slightly’s on the island somewhere. Let’s go find him.”

“A moment, Miss Wendy,” Hook called. “Take Mr. Jukes with you.” If he was going to get the gunner’s loyalty back, he had to make some serious peace overtures. Jukes was too valuable to lose, as a gunner, blacksmith… and a potential weakness for a Lost Boy. He had no intention of hurting Slightly again right now, but he couldn’t ignore the chance to insinuate one of his own men into Pan’s circle of friends. Besides, he grudgingly admitted to himself, I really did warm up to the lad, and I am a bit concerned about his disappearance. “He’ll worry himself sick until the boy’s found.”

“I don’t know,” Wendy said warily.

“He can come,” Nibs answered. “He loves Slightly, we can trust him to help.”

Billy stared at Hook in confusion. You never cease to surprise me, you old bastard. “Thank you, Cap’n.”

Hook pushed the boy out the door after the other two children. “I want you back at sundown. You’ll see him home?”

Nibs nodded and took Billy’s arm. “Sundown.” Tink dusted Jukes and Curly took the other arm. Together, Curly and Nibs lifted Billy into the air and flew away.

For the first time ever, Billy was able to fly with them without worrying they’d drop him. I see why Slightly loves flying. This is wonderful.

For three days they searched for Slightly with no success. It was as if the boy had turned into smoke and vanished. Every morning, two Lost Boys (usually the Twins) would go get Billy, and every evening, two tired Lost Boys would barely carry an equally tired Billy back. Mercifully, Hook allowed Jukes to eat and retire for the nights, and despite himself Billy found that he didn’t hate Hook quite as much anymore.

Peter was a handful for the Indian Chief. He was determined that he wouldn’t rest until Slightly was found, and he kept trying to slip away. He only stopped when Panther extended his drastic measures and began keeping the boy drugged. For those three days, Peter lay in a haze, taking his medicine and eating on command, but unable to think clearly or find the energy to move much.

Mid-morning of the fourth day, Tink returned to Nibs with the news she’d just heard. “I spoke to a gnome that lives in the were-forest. He says there’s a little boy living in the woods at the edge of the were-forest. Says he doesn’t talk, but he described him and it has to be Slightly.”

Nibs nodded, “I’ll get everyone and we’ll go see. Do you know where to go?”

“Elgar said he’d wait for us at Lookout Hill and take us there,” the pixie relied.

Slightly lay still in the brush and peered at his campsite. Go away, he silently urged. Just leave me alone! Wendy, Nibs, Curly, Tiger Lily and Hard-to-Hit were there, examining his new home and wandering in the surrounding woods. They were calling for him, asking for him to come back.

Probably want to throw berries at me and call me names, Slightly thought angrily. Please go! He felt a shock go through him when the Twins arrived, carrying Billy between them. I guess Hook’s after me, too. Part of him knew he was being unfair, but it was overshadowed by his fear. His heart was racing, and if he had had anything in his stomach, he’d probably throw up. Closing his eyes tightly, he tried to calm himself.

They can’t hurt me. I don’t care, he repeated, and after awhile his panic stilled. He opened his eyes and stared, waiting patiently for the intruders to leave.

“Maybe he’ll come back later,” Curly sighed. They’d searched for hours, but Slightly wasn’t to be found.

Wendy looked at the setting sun. “We have to get Billy back. We can’t search at night.”

“I’ll stay,” Billy offered. “Cap’n won’t need me, so if someone just tells him what’s going on, he’ll not get mad. Slightly might come back.”

“He’s right,” Nibs answered. “Billy and Hard-to-Hit should stay – Slightly’s not mad at them, so he might come back when the rest of us leave. I’ll bring you back some blankets for the night.” No one argued, and soon Billy and the Indian boy were alone in the clearing.

“I’ve never camped,” Billy said awkwardly. “What do we do now?”

“Well, you gather some wood for a fire, I’ll go catch some food,” Hard-to-Hit suggested. Billy nodded and together they got ready for the night.

The warm smell of roasting rabbit woke Slightly, and he stared hungrily at the fire. He was starving, literally. He’d had mostly berries and water since striking out on his own, and before that he’d subsisted on thin soup and hardtack for a month on the ship. His stomach overrode his mind for a moment, and he stepped out of the brush and went to the fire.

“Slightly?” Billy called when he saw the boy standing at the edge of the camp. He went to stand up, but sat back down when he saw the way his friend stepped back.

“Are you hungry?” Hard-to-Hit asked softly. “You may have some of our rabbit, it should be done soon,” he added when Slightly nodded.

“Come sit with us,” Billy offered.

Slightly shook his head. His fear was building again. He didn’t know why, though. These two hadn’t hurt him, and he loved Billy – No! I can’t love anyone! I can’t! With a cry, Slightly turned and ran away.

“Slightly!” Billy yelled and tried to follow. Hard-to-Hit held him back.

“Let him go. He is frightened. We will leave the food for him and go back to the village. Chief Great Big Little Panther will know how to help him.”

Billy didn’t want to leave, but the boy’s words made sense. In a short time they were gone, the fire burning low and the rabbit left on a wooden plate. When he was certain they were gone, Slightly crept from his hiding place and quickly devoured the offering. Completely full, he rolled up in the blankets they had also left and got the first good night’s sleep he’d had for a while.

In the wee hours of morning, Chief Panther silently crept up to the boy. He leaned over Slightly and gently smeared the lotus balm beneath the boy’s nose.

“no…” Slightly tried to pull away as he awoke to the touch, but the balm soothed his exhausted body and he quickly went back to sleep.

Very gently, Panther undressed the boy and checked his wounds. As he’d feared, some of them were infected. He treated the cuts and rewrapped the worst of them, then put some clean clothes on Slightly. “I know you wish to be alone, young one, and we will respect that wish. But we will not let you come to harm, either. Rest, be well, and take the time you need to ease your heart.” Once Slightly was lying comfortably, Panther left him alone. Beside the boy, he left a satchel containing things the child would need.

“He gonna sleep long?” the gnome asked the Chief.

“Until late morning. You will keep watch, Elgar?”

The gnome nodded. “My kin broke an ancient promise when we harmed that lad. We’ll watch him faithful and see he’s cared for until young Lord Pan is well.” The gnome looked at Slightly tenderly, “We marked him in anger, forgetting who he was. He’s our boy, now more’n ever, and he’ll want for nothing.”

“Do not become obtrusive. He’ll flee from you as much as he fled from us. He’s been hurt and betrayed too much in his life, and to add to his fear will only push him away.”

Elgar nodded and settled in for his watch.

When Slightly awoke, he felt refreshed and well. He was only a little hungry, and his hurts didn’t hurt. What the hell? he wondered when he saw the Indian style clothing he now wore: leather pants, a light vest, and a sturdy pair of moccasin boots. That was Panther, it wasn’t a dream! He was confused. Why was he still out here instead of back at the village. He saw that his injuries had been treated and that a package had been left behind.

Cautiously, he unwrapped the gift. Blankets, a small tent, a water flask, a knife, fishing line, a snare… all that and more were within the satchel. There was even a small jar of some sharp smelling ointment. A note attached to the jar drew his attention, and he read it curiously.

Dear Slightly,

We hope you are doing well. Peter is recovering, but he is angry at us because we won’t let him get up to come see you. Chief Panther says he shouldn’t move yet. Billy said you were hungry, so the Indians have made you this package to help you live alone.

The ointment is for your cuts. It will ease the pain and keep infection away. Use it as much as you need, and if you need more we’ll bring some. If you need anything, just ask aloud. They won’t bother you, but you are being watched. Tink says that Neverland itself is watching over you, and no one will let you be hurt. Love Always,

Wendy Moira Angela Darling

Scrawled beneath her signature were the shaky autographs of the Lost Boys. Only Peter’s name was absent, but a P.S. explained that. Panther is making Peter sleep, so he can’t put his X here himself. But I told him you were safe and he smiled and quit trying to wake up.

Slightly folded the letter and tried not to cry. That someone cared about him touched him deeply and made him feel better about himself. But there were so many reasons to stay away. He felt his resolve slip a bit, but he caught himself and put the wall back up. It doesn’t matter, he repeated to himself. He put the letter someplace safe and set about putting his gifts to good use.

That afternoon, Slightly decided to take a much needed bath. He’d found a deep pool of water near his camp, which was odd since he’d been to this part of the woods several times and he’d never seen the pool before. A brief inspection had showed him that the water was pleasantly warm, with a large rock jutting from the middle of the pool, perfect for sunning.

It saddened him at first. He remembered when he and Jenny used to dream of Neverland, and this had been their perfect swimming hole. He knew that in this pool were big, tasty fish that couldn’t wait to jump on your hook, and that the water would be sweet. He remembered Wendy’s letter: Neverland itself is watching over you.

Well, he thought, they owe me this much at least. Jenny would be happy to see me enjoying one of our dreams. Without a second thought, he stripped down and dove in. After soaking for a long while and swimming a few swift laps, he climbed onto the rock and went to sleep.

He woke with a start later, hearing a familiar voice. He looked up to see Hook standing at the edge of the pool, staring at him with an odd expression on his face. Son of a bitch! Does EVERYONE know where I live now?

“How are you?” the man asked pleasantly. He frowned a bit when Slightly only stared at him expressionlessly. “Mr. Jukes told me you weren’t speaking. Don’t worry, he wouldn’t tell me where you moved to. I and my men were hunting, and I found you by accident. I sent Mason away so I could speak to you.” Hook winced a bit when Slightly sat up and he saw the damage he’d done to the boy. Even with the best of healing, he’s going to have a lot of scars. I wish I could have reached him, made him my own.

He continued, “I personally don’t hold with apologies. Sympathetic words are useless and rarely truly meant. But I am sorry for what I put you through. I wanted to hurt Pan, and I used you to do it. I did grow rather fond of you, and I was very disappointed when you betrayed me. I don’t expect you to forgive and forget, but I wanted to say it anyway.” He began to feel a bit flustered when Slightly just kept staring at him. “Peter told me about your past…”

“I know,” Slightly said hoarsely, his throat uncooperative from lack of use. “Past is past. Jason’s dead, I’m just stuck with his memories.”

“Will Slightly survive? Of will you start a new life again as a hermit, living eternally in Neverland, hiding forever from everyone and never speaking again?”

Slightly frowned at the question. He didn’t know what he was going to do. He’d wanted to get away from everyone, needed room to breathe. He’d needed a place where he wouldn’t be afraid. But forever was an awfully long time. “Slightly sleeps for now. Maybe he’ll wake up one day,” he compromised.

“And who are you?”

Slightly shrugged, “I’m nobody.” He dove into the water and swam to the side of the pool where his clothes lay. He had to get closer to Hook, but he didn’t care. The watchers wouldn’t allow Hook to hurt him. Only those that claimed to love him could hurt him where it mattered. He calmly picked up his clothes and looked at Hook without speaking.

Hook found himself staring at the whip-cuts. I even got him on the face, he noticed, seeing the light cut that ran along the boy’s jaw. That one wouldn’t scar, but it made him realize how crazed he’d been, if he’d hit the boy that indiscriminately with the cat. “If Slightly wakes up, I won’t mind if he and Billy become friends again.” Not knowing what else to say, and hating himself for his weakness, Hook turned and left the boy alone.

Slightly shrugged and went to go find some supper.

End Chapter 17