Chapter 10
The Captain walked fast, forcing me to into a half-run, but when he noticed that he was almost dragging me, he slowed down. No one said anything. I guess the pirates was as surprised as I, over Captain Hookīs decision. I was astonished over what I had managed. I had not really believed he would let Jean-Baptiste live, but he had. I was sure the Captain would hold on to his end of the bargain. We would sail away from Neverland and then it would be up to me to hold my part. I had no illusions that it would be easy. I had seen too many cruel acts from the Captain to believe that.
But sparing Jean-Baptisteīs life seemed to prove that the glimpses I had seen of another side of him, really was there. I thought that if would be able to find a way to see more of it, my life with him would be easier. On the other hand, those glimpses had only surfaced after times when he had scared and hurt me. I had not forgotten Peteīs horrible death or the abuse the Captain had subjected me to whenever I had tried to oppose him.
My thoughts were interupted when the Captain suddenly stopped. We had reached the beach and I could see the ship. But the dinghy was gone. Some of the pirates ran down to the shore, looking around as if they thought the dinghy was there somewhere. But Mr. Smee ran towards a large tree and I saw that a man was tied to it. Mr. Smee brought him back to us and the man, white and trembling, told the Captain how Peter had tricked him and stolen the dinghy. The Captainīs face went white with anger and the man started a terrified and incoherent ramling. The Captain struck him, but with his hand, not his claw. It wasnīt until then I realized that I had been holding my breath.
As it was now almost completely dark, so there was no point in trying to get out to the ship. The pirates had long before this day made up a camp, so staying the night on the island was evidently not a problem. The camp was really just a few makeshift tents, but there was a small house, or rather a shack for the Captain. He brought me there and then left, leaving to Mr. Smee to bring me some food and a candle.
There was only one room, with a small window, were I could see the sea. The only furniture was a narrow bed, a table and a stool. In a corner I found a vanity, so I could wash my hands. The water turned pink from Jean- Baptisteīs blood that had stuck on my hands when I had touched the claw. I sat down on the bed, feeling very weary. Here I was again, locked up and waiting for the Captain.
"It could be worse," I said aloud. Jean-Baptise was not here, he was not going to be killed in some horrific way. I thought about my golden afternoon with him and was grateful for it. I know now that sleeping with a man was more than something frightening and painful. I thought about us laughing and that I didnīt think I would have many reasons to laugh in the future. The candle flickered, the flame was not enough to lit the whole room, even if it was small. Then I heard Peterīs voice, calling me from the other side of the wall.
"Wendy, Wendy, are you in there?" I pressed my face against the wall, not daring to speak loud.
"Peter, Iīm here. How is Jean-Baptiste?"
"Donīt worry, he is fine, we have patched him up properly. Did you like my joke with the dinghy? Was Captain Hook very angry? Iīm going to distract them all in a minute, and then you can escape."
"No Peter, I canīt. I promised to stay, I..." I never had the chance to finish as the door opened and the Capatain appeared. He merely glanced over the scene and left, I could here him run around the house and I yelled for Peter to leave.
The Captain soon returned and I braced myself for what I know was coming. And it did. The blow landed on my right cheek and sent me into the wall. I struck my head and slid down on the floor, raising my arms to protect me from the next one. It never came, instead the Captain hauled me up and placed me on the stool.
"What did he say to you? Tell me! What did you say to him?"
"Nothing. I only said that I couldnīt run away. Thatīs all." The Captain looked down on me for a second or two, then he went to the vanity and wetted his handkerchief. He folded it and put it to my stinging cheek, the coolness soothing the pain. He poured a glass of rum and held it to my mouth. I tried to turn my face away, but he tipped my head back with the claw, forcing me to take a mouthful. I sputtered and he smiled a wry smile.
"I know you donīt like it, but oblige me." I drank. The liquid burned my throat, but left a warmth and when I had drunk the whole glass, the pain subsided even more. The Captain poured a second glass for himself, leaning against the wall while he drank it. No one said anything and as the silence stretched I got up and went to the window to look at the rising moon. It looked larger than I had ever seen it before. The Captain came up behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me close to him. It mimicked the way he had held me the night he abducted me, but this time he took care not to let the claw dig into me.
"This is it", I thought. "This is my part of the deal". And I let myself realx and leaned against his hard and warm body. I could feel his heartbeat and I thought I could feel him tremble. It ocurred to me that, maybe, I wasnīt the only one who was scared in this room. It was a peculiar idea, but somehow reassuring. The Captain whispered:
"I donīt want you to hate me, Wendy. But I canīt see how you could do anything else, as everything I have done to you has hurt you." I turned around and put my hands on his shoulders.
"James, I donīt hate you", I said. That was true, I never had. It would have been easier if I could have said with certainty that I hated the Captain, just as I could say that I loved Jean-Baptiste. But what I felt was was a confused tangle, where attraction, fear and compassion merged together into something I could not name.
None of us said anything more. The candle had died but the moon shones o bright that it filled the whole room with pale light. The Captain undressed me and then himself. He held out his right arm towards me, and I started to remove the claw. It took some time, because my hands shaked and my fingers seemed unwilling to obey me. The claw was heavy and when I turned it around the metal glittered in the moonlight. The Captain took it from me and weighed it in his hand. Suddenly he flung it away, so hard that itīs sharp point stuck to the wall on the other side of the room. Not until then did he reach for me.
There was nothing light-hearted in making love to the Captain, to James. There was no laughter and no smiles. No words of kindness or love. It was serious, but it was not unpleasant. I donīt think love had anything to do with it, it was something else altogether. But it was not bad, not bad at all.
End of Chapter 10