Chapter 5

I didn´t eat much for dinner, I was too nervous. My stomach was filled with fluttering butterflies. The Captain ate and talked, but I barely listened. Then he just sat there, watching me and smoking a cigar. He didn´t seem to be in any hurry. When he finally rose he didn´t went for me at once, as I had expected. He started to undress, coat, cravat, waistcoat and shirt, neatly folding the clothes and hanging them on a chair. Clad only in his breeches he walked towards me and I stood up. I didn´t want him to pull me up.

I had never seen a man almost without clothes and I felt a funny jolt somewhere with the butterflies. The Captain wa a tall man, lean and broadshouldered, his skin olive. Without the shirt the fastening of the claw was visible, a device of leather and iron, with straps running up his arm. I stared at the claw. I was sure my nightmare was coming alive, he would rip my clothes with it and maybe he wouldn´t care if he ripped me as well. The Captain gave me an odd glance and then he removed the claw, placing it carefully on the table. I couldn´t help watching the end of his arm, where there was now no claw. The end was much lighter in colour than the rest of the arm, and a bit uneven, as if the cut hadn´t been completely true.

The Captain came closer, but he did´t touch me.

-"Do you find me repulsive, Wendy?" His voice as odd as his glance.

Thoughts rushed trough my brain. Repulsive? He frightened me and disturbed me, but no, he didn´t repulse me. To my surprise his maimed arm evoked a sudden pity in me, but nothing else.

-"No, I whispered, "You don´t repulse me."

He touched me then. He embraced me and kissed me. The kiss was gentler than the first, still demanding, but not as violent. He held me close with his right arm, stroking my body with his hand. He touched my hair, back, waist and hips, his hand burning hot through my dress. I relaxed a little, leaning into his warmth. But when my face touched his bare chest I recoiled. His embrace thigtened a little and he took my hand in his, forcing me to touch him. He made me stroke his arms, his chest and his stomach. The feel of his skin under my palm sent a tingling heat through my body and I blushed.

He had begun to open the fastenings of my dress and it soon fell to the floor. I stood only in my underwear and I shivered. Not from cold but because he slowly stroked his hand over my collarbones and then down caressing my breasts. Only thin cotton was between his hand and my skin, and it could as well not have been there. For a brief moment. I closed my eyes and wished it was someone else who was touching me. Someone who loved me. Someone I could love. Someone with sea-green eyes in a friendly face.

I opened my eyes and looked into The Captains eyes, much bluer than any eyes I have ever seen. Daydreaming would not do. I had to face my reality and my reality was a man who could rip out a throat without remorse. A man who had haunted in my dreams with the same feelings that now made me blush. I firmly pushed away all thoughts on escape, Jean-Baptiste and Peter.

" Sometimes you do what you has to do, to survive ", I thought and when the Captain kissed me again I answered the kiss.

The Captain picked me up and carried me to the bed. I was still scared, of course I was. So scared that the air seemed thick to breath and my heartbeats thundered in my ears. But at the same time the touches and kisses made me want for more kisses and touches. For a while it all felt good.

But all my resolve left me when he removed the rest of his clothes. The closest thing I had ever been to a naked man was the classical marble statues at museums. Their white nakedness had nothing to do with the Captains dark body and I panicked. Was it really possible that something so large was meant to enter my body? I was sure it would tear me apart and without thinking I rolled away from the Captain and tried to to jump of the bed. He lunged for me and painfully yanked me back by my hair.

He pinned me down underneath him, with his arm over my throat, it felt like he was crushing it and when I fought him he pressed harder, making the cabin spin dme. His hand ripped at my underwear, the fragile fabric broke and was torn away.

-"Be still", he hissed and when I did he removed his arm and the world stopped moving around me.

-"Please", I pleaded, "Please stop."

He must have heard it, but he didn´t cared. With a knee he forced my legs apart, moving his hand down. He touched me, were I had never been touched and I started to cry. I wish I had not, but the tears came anyway, slowly filling my eyes. I felt a small stab of pain when he forced a finger up in me, a forboding of things to come and I cried harder.

He lay heavy on top of me, my legs helplessly apart. He removed his hand and I felt him pressing hard against me.

-"You think I don´t know it, but I do." he whispered. "I know it should have been someone as pure as you. As beautiful as you, as kind, not marred by life like me. I know I will taint you and I grieve over that."

-"Not enough to let me go." I said.

He was silent for a while. -"No, not enough to let you go."

Then he moved and the pain came. Oh it hurt, it hurt so much.. A pain that stretched and ripped and then broke through and eased a bit. But it still hurt, he moved again and it hurt, over and over again. I pressed a hand over my mouth, I didn´t want to scream. I shut my eyes hard to stop the tears, but in vain. They trickled through my closed lids, wetting the pillow underneath my head.

Later, much later, when it was over, he stroked my hair. -"Mine, all mine", he murmured. He fell aslep soon after that, with his arm around my body. But I didn´t sleep for hours, I just lay there, listening to his breath and waiting for the night to pass.

End of Chapter 5