You know...I could jump. Just fling myself over the side of this cliff here and free-fall down onto the rocks below. Smash my head open and be done with this world.

I don't have to fly. After all...you need a happy thought to fly, right?

I really don't have any at the moment.

I guess I should, but I don't. I'm second-in-command, Peter's chosen, I don't ever have to grow up, I can play any game I want, whenever I want, and I don't have to worry about grown-up things.

Well...not really. Being second-in-command has certain responsibilites that the others don't have. I have to keep them safe, safe from Hook and the Croc and anything else that comes up. It's my duty to make sure the other Lost Boys and Wendy are safe and okay by the time Peter comes back from an adventure.

It's not easy, not easy at all. I don't know how much longer I can take being responsible, especially when some of them try their hardest to make it harder for me. I can't show what I'm feeling half the time and it's so hard to keep it in.

Today, Curly cried because Wendy was telling us stories about mothers. She was saying how wonderful they were and out of nowhere Curly just burst into tears. He said it wasn't fair, that other kids had mothers and we didn't. He asked Wendy why we didn't, but she couldn't answer...which made him cry harder. Then Michael started, and Wendy had her hands full trying to calm everybody down so I had to help.

I had to help, even though I wanted to cry too. But, being responsible, I couldn't. I'm not able to cry like Curly or the others can, because if I started then they would have no one to help them. Wendy can only do so much...she needs me to help take care of them.

I wish I could be like them, sometimes. To not have to keep watch, to not be responsible for anything, to just...play. Play and play and play. They have no worries like I do.

Curly was right. It's not fair. Not fair that Wendy remembers her mother, not fair that I have to take care of the others, not fair that whoever my mother was she left me.

Maybe that was why she left me...she didn't want to be responsible either. I can't really blame her...it's hard.

I don't want this responsibility anymore. It's too hard. I'm sick of it. I wish Peter hadn't chosen me to be second. But...

But if I jump, he'd choose someone else, right? Or go out into the world and find someone. Besides, Peter would forget about me in a few days. Peter forgets everything. I wouldn't be missed for long...maybe not at all!

"I could just jump..."

"Don't you DARE."

Oh my god....what is he doing here?!

"What are you doing here?"

"I followed you...you're not going to jump, are you?"

"Maybe."

"Why?"

I growled, eyeing him angrily. "Because I'm tired!!! I'm tired of everything!!!! It's just...just so hard!!!! I'm tired of keeping what I feel hidden. I'm tired of wishing I could remember my mother. I'm tired of being lonely. I'm tired of wondering if I'm good enough. I'm just....just so tired of everything..."

He paused a moment, watching me. Something crossed his face but I don't know what it was. He was quiet for a moment, then: "I slightly know what you mean."

I snorted. "No you don't."

He scowled. "I do so. You're not the only one in Never Land with problems."

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

Rolling his eyes at me, he said: "You think I say anything about how I feel? No. I don't say a word because you guys will just think I'm lying or making it up. You think I feel good enough for anything? I was here before you and Peter chose you over me. How do you think that makes me feel? Not very good. You think I'm not lonely? Well, I am. I've got a lot of things to say, but nobody listens. I've got a lot of problems of my own, but you don't see me standing at a cliff edge, ready to jump."

"What difference would it make? Peter can't remember what day of the week it is half the time, so he would forget me after a few days. Everybody would, so it doesn't matter if I jump or not."

"That's slightly not true."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"I would remember."

I paused. "What?"

"I...would remember."

I narrowed my eyes at him. He flushed red for a moment and started fumbling for words.

"I...don't hate you. I would remember. So...don't do it."

I bristled. "Why do you care all the sudden?"

He bristled back. "I just do! And it's not your business why, either!"

He was beet red by now, and it confused me. He scowled at me. "I slightly don't want to talk about it," he replied dangerously. "Just know that I do."

Turning swiftly, he began to walk away. Just before he reached the line of trees, though, he stopped. The wind carried his voice softly to me, and I was even more surprised.

"I just care, Nibs. Maybe too much. Do what you want, but I won't forget you."

And with that, he vanished.

I don't know how long I stood there, but it was sunset by the time I moved.

And it was away from the edge.