CHAPTER 1- This One Time
I live at Costco, it’s
like a big house to me, all the computers, paper
towels, books, toilet bowl cleaners are just a few steps away. I
was adopted by
the manager, Ms. White. My name is Snow, my step-mom call me that
because
that she and me are “Snow White” fans. It’s not
that she’s the only mom I got, I
have tons of them, they’re the old ladies who cook the
samples are my other
Moms. I always help them to cook the samples, I would act like
Emeril Lagasse,
“BAM!” but every dish I helped tasted really
salty…
I hate Christmas time, because when somebody says the word
“snow”, I
would go to them, they don’t really want me, those people
are big fat liars!!!
Anyway, my greatest hobby is to pass out pamphlets, I don’t
know why though,
maybe that god said to me after I died in my past life that
“If I want to be a
human again in my next life, I have to pass out pamphlets.”
Everyday I have to copy one of the ads from the newspaper and
make a
pamphlet out of it, hey, this one time, this one time, are you
listening to me?
Hey! Hey! This one time… wait… you are listening, ok,
this one time, this one
pamphlet was about a 54 years old guy seeking for a
multi-millionaire lesbian
wife, there’s another one, another one, one time, another
one time, hey, hey,
there’s another one about some 17th century ham for sale at
a very low price.
When I want to make a pamphlet, I make a master copy with crayons
and
colored papers, then I’ll Xerox 152 copies and put it in my
nifty pamphlet
carrying case.
The next day, I woke up in the meat section, wearing the same
clothes
and high-heels… I love my high-heels, they are my birthday
presents from the
Jell-O sampling mom… too bad that she pasted away, she
choked on the
pineapple flavored Jell-O at brunch time. The high-heels smells
like pineapple
though…
I don’t know why, but people stares at me a lot, but this
one guy, he
don’t stare at me like the other people do. He come by
everyday just to take my
pamphlets, and when both of our hands contact the pamphlets, I
can sense a
weird electrical feeling all over my body, I can see the pamphlet
winked at me
saying “go for it”. I know… is love, I saw the
exact same thing on “Curious
George Discovers Love” in the book section. It’s about
Curious George gets a
banana every single day from a girl monkey named Serious Jane and
she kissed
Curious George at the end of the book.
Today is going to be a special day, I kissed that guy in the
mouth after I
gave him the pamphlet which is about a missing hat that has no
top and a cow
pattern on it and to call Dipsy at 555-1169.
He sent me a message when we’re kissing. “Hi! My name
is Charlie!”
Then I said (by kissing), “I’m Snow White!”
“I love your pamphlets.”
“Thank you.”
“Let’s get married.”
“Ok, but wouldn’t that be too fast?”
“No…”
“Ok…”
“………….”
He tries to stick his tongue in, I gladly accepted it by blowing
and
sucking air into his mouth, oh what an animal he is…
