Is anybody
there?
Ah,
just you. Excellent.
Prepare to be razzled, dazzled, and... um... Smithers, little help?
Well, anyway, prepare to see things that a primitive mind such as yours cannot
begin to fathom; some legal... some not-quite-so. Click on the links below
to
enter the seedy underbelly of the nuclear power plant of Springfield!
Research & Development-
The think-tank of the plant, this room full of captive super-intellectual
chimpanzees are constantly exploring new and exciting fields in nuclear energy.
Marketing- From Burns lightbulbs
for the light-cravers to Burns plutonium play kits for the kiddies, the marketing
dept. helps sell any commercial products of Burns.co and help to keep the
nosy media hounds and sanitation commissioners at bay with our public
face.
Brainstorm Division- The place
where the most brilliant mind the power plant has to offer, namely mine, comes
to think, tinker, and create bold new ideas which will someday boon Burns
Co. and bane all other weak-willed competition. Welcome to my Fortress Of
Aloneness.
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Research & Developement:
Come simpleton, let us take a peek inside and see what our big heads are coming up with next...
Ah, our xenobiologists seem to be testing the durability of the animal
cranium. Interesting.
+
=
Hmm... a bit technical, don't you think?
???....... I am at a loss for words.....???
Ah, but of course. Our marketting dept. and R&D are working hand-in-hand to create a new era of high-cost entertainment... Simpsons 3D!!! Excellent, although you might want to try a better-looking specimin for the next beta. It's bad enough having to look at that slobbering nincomepoop in 2D, whoever he is.
Ah, excellent my captive compatriot chimps. Keep up the
good work. Come urchin, click here to proceed back
to
the list and we'll take a look-see at what else is here. Chop chop.
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This room full of backstabbing lawyers and corporate sinners
exists solely to think up
ways to rake in more $$$, although that is the Reader's Digest version. The
actual
process is really quite complicated. Shall we take a peek and see what our
boys
have come up with?
Ah, the pick of the litter! The Monty Burns Casino has
been a pet project of mine for quite some time.
Finally ready for business I see. Click on the image above to proceed to a
highly recommended site, by a very talented fellow in my iron-fisted employ,
and gawk at the wonder of the Monty Burns Casino!
We took the liberty of taking a poll of
the types of Simpson episodes that you blue collar Joe Six-packs seem
to enjoy the most. We will then take that data and use it to create bold new
marketing ideas which we will incorporate into the between-show Simpson commercials
for the same target audience. They're helping us take more of their own money,
in essence. Heheheh, hmm. Delicious...
Prof Frink: "From the -ah- image we constructed
from formulated calculations and -ah- consumer research -gah hoy-, we were
able to come to this conclusion... Bald, fat people like -ooh- donuts...
This is perfectly feasible, what with the sprinkles, and the frosting, and
the tastiness; tasty tasty bakery taste... oh hah, hoy!..."
Burns: "... indeed..."
And so concludes our tour of the marketing deptartment. Any stupid questions my diciple? No, excellent. Click here my subject to return to the list, and we shall continue with our tour of the facility.
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Come my boy, let us parooze through some of the brilliant ideas and notions I have come up with over the years...
Burns: "Ah, but of course! My beloved Sproose
Moose! Now there was a top-dog achievment if I do say so myself.
It is a 200 foot long airplane, capable of travelling from New York to London
in 17 seconds (15 if the pilot floors it) and comfortably seating more than
300 passengers."
Smithers: "Yes, it's a fabulous model Mr. Burns."
Burns: "Model?"
Ah, just what this dunderheaded country needs. The helping hand of an iron fist. Wouldn't you agree?
The perfect spot to portray my enagmic features. No one'll
miss the face who's place I'll be taking anyway, that one
presidential fellow... um... with the glasses, and the..um... oh bother."
Ah, I recall with fondness my younger (MUCH younger) years.
I so enjoyed reading my atlas with my trusty
teddy bear Bobo. Oh how I miss that lovable bear... oh, which reminds me.
Smithers, be sure to wear that humorous
bear costume when you read to me tonight, for momento's sake.
Ho-hoy? Smithers, what are you doing in my inner sanctum? Oh well, might as well stay. I'll just have to remember to give you a dose of the amneasia ray (revolver) when you're through portraying your thoughts. Come, share with us my loyal pet.
Pissah! I like it!
Ah, perfect choice of person to be stranded on an island with dear Smithers. Better moi than any of the pauperred riff-raff infesting my otherwise perfect nuclear-powered world.
Ah, perfect portrayal of my physical stature Smithers.
Although I must admit, I'm starting to get this nervous
feeling... can't put my finger on it...
GAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! I'm afraid Smithers that that's one birthday present that you won't be recieving from me... well if I hypothetically ever did give away gifts period, that is.
Well friend, that concludes my tour of my inner sanctum of thought. Click here to proceed back to the list.
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Ho-hoy? Ah, Stuart. Foolish mortal, say hello to Stuart,
our top nuclear physicist. Don't let looks fool you... he's very small for
his age. Wha? Oh, thank you Stu, just deliver the pluonium to my office. Say
friend, if you're done with your tour of the plant facility, feel free to
follow Albert here back to the office. Just click on him to proceed.
Farewell simpleton.
