Nuclear Power Plant: Mr. Burns' Office
Tra la la le la... ho
hoy? Gah, YOU! How dare you barge into my inner sanctum and interrupt my clog
dancing
lessons? Smithers, flog this infidel! Immidiatel- Oh wait... ah, it's you. Ah
yes, I remember you. I invited you here earlier, didn't I? Hah hah, oh how rude
of me. Come in foolish mortal, come in.
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So my boy, what can I do for you? Or better yet, what can
you do for me? Would you care to make a little...
contribution ($$$) to the welfare of this fine establishment? A tour of the
facility with the hopes
of a future investement mayhaps? Oh, by the way. If you're actaully one of those
charming safety inspectors
sent to check up on the legality of our operation, then could you please move
a little to the left? Yes, towards the
square patch in the carpet. A little closer now... now back a teensy step.
...perfect...
Wha? You mean you're just here to take a tour? Drat, I was hoping to test that
contraption today. Oh well, Smithers here can help me with that later. For now,
let us begin. Click here to head back up to the office and
we can begin.
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Burns: "Bah! Look at them Smithers. Nothing but
blue collar smelly shirted drabble. Who's in charge of employing
these buffons?"
Smithers: "Well... you are sir. But surely they are at fault for
that. Not a brilliant mind like yours sir."
Burns: "Yes. Of course... Say, who's that particular ignoramous?
He dam* near takes up the entire screen!"
Smithers: "Which one sir?"
Burns: "The one in the bottom left screen you dunderhead. That
one."
Smithers: "Oh him. That would be Homer Simpson sir. One of our knuckle-dragging
slackers in sector 7-G."
Burns: "Ah yes, Hubber. My my, he's awfully grotesque. But still,
I like the cut of his jib. Smithers, promote that
neanderthaul immidiately. I want Humer on the exectuve staff before you can
say 'executive washroom key."
Smithers: "Um... yes sir. Ah, excuse me sir, but shouldn't we be
getting on with the tour?"
Burns: "Ah yes, of course. Come my boy. Click here
to head back up and select another location in the office."
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Ah, I rather like this one. Welcome to my personal gallery,
where the world's most famous artists in the world,
uh...volunteer... to create various works of art in the essence of...
me. Welcome to, and cower before, the awesome
Gallery Du Burns!
This
one catches my gorgeous side-profile rather nicely, no?
Ah, a wondrful momento of my younger days. Binko, how I loved riding that
horse so...
Whenever I look at this picture or use a tube of glue, I remember that Binko
is still with me in spirit. Sigh...
Ah, a wonderfully creative (and accurate) masterpiece by the subject of my
short-lived love crush: Marge Simpson. It really does capture the strong, fit
essence of me. Some of you may be disturbed by this artistic nudity,
and for that I apologize..... although for some strange reason, Smithers absolutely
adores this picture. He keeps a
wallet sized copy of it with him at all times... hmm...
Now this monstrosity is simply bizzaar. Why it looks nothing like me! Look
at my bulging cranium for Pete's sakes, it's larger than a watermelon! And who
are those hideous people in the background? A shoddy piece of work I say! The
artist rightfully deserved being imprisonned and flogged in the plant basement.
What the devil? Who are you? This is supposed to me my gallery, and only
my gallery! Smithers, have this infidel horse-whipped, tarred and feathered.
I will not stand for this insult to my- ... oh, it's just my cartoon voice-over.
But what is that dark, dead creature doing on his head? Oh, and ah, nevermind
about the
horse-whipping Smithers.
And that, my subjects, concludes our tour of the Gallery
Du Burns. Click here to proceed back to the office.
And don't touch the pictures! I don't want your grimy hands smudging my features!
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Ah yes, the trusty excape pod. This is the device we would
use to escape a particularily deadly
nuclear meltdown..um, I mean, should one actually occur... hypothetically that
is to say, heh heh heh...
Only Smithers and I have access to this pod, although I prefere to go alone
so as to have an extra seat to
put my feet up. But I will be generous and allow you free reign to the pod.
Just click on it whenever you
wish to return to the homepage. Though I'm sure you understand that if a meltdown
should happen, I will
be needing the extra leg room. Click here to proceed back
to the office at the top.
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Well, lets be off. We have the rest of the plant to tour
through. Come simpleton. Click on the image above and we
shall begin our trek through the lower bowels of the plant. But a word of warning
friend, you are about to see
things that are and shall remain trusted secrets. Some things in this plant
must never see the light of day. So remember... murder is only illegal if you're
caught, and Smithers and I are very good at covering our tracks... Well,
that being said, let's toodle-hoo!
