Written by Czar Fruitcake
SUMMARY: Mary gets hers
Robbie walked out of the kitchen leaving Sam and David chanting a mantra of THWACK’s behind him. Just then, Mary opened the front door.
“Hey Robbie,” she said. “I thought Mom said you were sick.” Robbie looked at Mary and gave her a big goofy grin.
“What’s the smile for?” she asked him, smiling back and thinking that he, like all other boys in the world, was definitely still in love with her. Poor dear, he couldn’t help it after all.
THWACK! Robbie smacked Mary upside her large foreheaded head.
“OW!” Mary said. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
THWACK. “Don’t use that kind of language in this house you flight-attendant-dating-a-self-assured-pedophilic-octogenarian hussy. And do you HAVE to refer to him as ‘Captain Smith,’ as if you were playing some sick role playing game? It’s disturbing.”
“Who I date is none of your business,” Mary said, rubbing the side of her head. “I’m over twenty-one and have a responsible job as a professionally skanky stewardess, and I’m sorry if you’re still in love with me, but I’ve moved on. Captain Smith and I are very happy.”
Robbie shuddered. THWACK!
“Robbie, if you just got to know Captain Smith…”
THWACK!
“Just because Captain-“
THWACK!
Mary was getting dizzy.
“Remember when you were the smart kid?” Robbie muttered. “What happened?” THWACK! THWACK!
Then Robbie gave Mary a retroactive THWACK for dying her hair blonde last year. Mary went momentarily cross-eyed under the extreme thwackage she was receiving. Robbie, in his fevered stupor walked out of the room mumbling, “Dating-someone-older-than-her-father-to-make-her-future-brother-in-law’s-brother-jealous-and-need-I-go-on-and-on-and…”