Home of the Original THWACK
The Thwack Manifesto
By Fruitcake, Czar and Chief Executive Fruitcake, the Fruitcake Alliance
We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that all are equally susceptible to and deserving of the almighty THWACK… except of course for those annoying people who need to be THWACKed a little more than everyone else. THWACK knows no boundaries. THWACK has no mercy. THWACK will prevail.
Some may claim a THWACK to be “violent,” “uncalled for,” “disturbing,” or even “wrong, just plain wrong,” but these shortsighted individuals fail to understand the intrinsic virtues of the action, and the extent to which THWACKage is thoroughly ingrained in our history as one living people.
From the beginning of time, when the first ape-like hominid stumbled into the light, recognizing in the height of humanoid cognition his fellow apes as separate aware beings, the seeds of THWACKage have been planted in our social behaviors, our most basic desires, and yea, even the elementary pull we feel towards each other. THWACKing has served as a display of praise, a mating behavior, and rite of passage in the natural world. So, too, has the THWACK entered the domain of man.
From the beginnings of cinema to America’s Funniest Home videos, the THWACK and related “slap stick” humor have become a staple of American society. From the Three Stooges to watching your best friend fall down the stairs, the spirit of THWACK is alive in each and every one of us, connecting us all in the great Circle of Life.
Now, more than ever, in this time of violence, anger, and aggression in our world, the THWACK must be embraced in its true form: the physical manifestation of our emotions, thoughts, fears, and desires. In the literary realm, a THWACK is not violence, but rather, the simultaneous assertion of our independence and our interconnectedness. A virtual THWACK is worth a thousand actual THWACK’s as a creative expression of our collective energies.
THWACK not your neighbor, friend, ex-boyfriend, compatriot. THWACK them all and THWACK them now, with a spirit of humor. As Aristotle once said, “The Family that THWACKs together stays together.” Only in the spirit of true intellectual and social criticism can the full potential of the THWACK be realized.
THWACK. For the people. By the people. Of the people.
THWACK SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: send all submissions to fruitcakeHQ@yahoo.com
- No thwacking of small children or animals, unless of course they are thwacked by other small children or animals.
- No bleeding of the thwackee. This is about expression. Not violence.
- Muahahahaha.
- No malevolent thwacking or defamation of character of a real person. No actual person not in the public domain due to celebrity status may be given a last name. Thwackage.com does not in any way support hateful thwacking toward any religious, ethnic, or gender group or sexual orientation. We are an equal opportunity thwacker. The writer of the THWACK assumes all legal responsibilities including but not limited to libel or defamation suits.
- For every submission, you must put a link to thwackage.com on some chatboard, website, or other public forum. Please include that information in your email submission.
- We reserve the right to remove or reject any thwacks we deem inappropriate, hateful, or boring.
- No copyrighted material may be posted on this page without permission of the owner. All fanfic must contain proper disclaimers.
- No NC-17 THWACKS.
Links
Small Woodland Creatures (and other animals) Lookalike Contest
THWACK Stories
Awards Won
The official THWACK Awards
Fruitcake Alliance non-THWACK Fanfic
Winners of the First THWACK Awards
Winners of the Second THWACK Awards
