I was trying really hard to understand why Asher was being so difficult* about this. I even *told* him so. "Asher, *why* are you being so difficult? Are you *jealous* of Derik and me spending time together?" I asked. "Yes! I am!" he spat, petulantly. Well, at least he was honest about it. But he was starting to make me mad. "Funny, you didn't seem to have a problem with me being married, before," I stated, arms crossed and scowling at him. He came over to me and gripped my arms just below my shoulders. He had an agonized look on his face. It seemed real enough, but I was pissed off enough to entertain doubts about his sincerity. I knew that when Asher wanted something, he would use all the means he had to get it. And for some reason, he wanted me to stay put...and not spend time alone with my husband. Tamara, I am happy for you that your husband is getting an early release," he told me.
"But...." I *knew* there was a "but" coming, so why let him drag this out. He saw I was losing patience and sighed. "I was hoping *we* would ave more time together before this came. I only just got you, cherie. I wanted to get to know you better, without outside distractions, before you and Derik were reunited." Outside distraction, huh,' I thought, shielding from my master. Out loud, I said, "What you mean is that you wanted more time to try to seduce me away from him, don't you." He was silent for a moment, staring at me. I just stood there and returned his stare. "Oui," he admitted, finally. "Oh Asher, you should know me well enough by now to know that I *can't* leave him," I told him. "Derik is a *part* of me. I'm not whole without him. Oh, I could *survive* without him, but that's *all* it would be...surviving. If something ever happened to him, a part of my soul would die. Surely you can understand that."
"Would you choose him over me?" "That choice has been forever removed from me. You know that." Oh, he was being...*irritating*. "I'm bound to you just as closely as I am to him. Both of you are going to have to realize that you'll just have to *share*." Asher smiled at that. He lightly brushed my cheek and traced around the edge of one ear, gently rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. My eyes half-closed involuntarily, and a soft moan escaped my throat before I could stop it. "Oh, *sharing* has never been a problem, cherie," he chuckled wickedly. I'm looking *forward* to THAT. But, I still don't want you to go to Georgia." I jerked out of his grasp, glaring at him. I was mad at myself for letting him distract me. "Why?!"
He reached for me to pull me back to him. I dodged. I knew if he embraced me, he'd try to get out of answering. Having all four marks made it *much* harder for him to cloud my mind and sneak up on me...especially if I was already wary. "No," I demanded, "tell me *why* you don't want me to go with my husband to visit his mother." Asher didn't try to make another grab for me. I felt him drawing in power around him. He uttered one phrase as his eyes frosted over. "Déjà vu." Then he blasted the marks wide open, and I was bombarded with memories...of pain, betrayal, fear, and a deep and crushing sense of loss. It was too much, too fast. I blacked out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was being rocked gently. I couldn't seem to move on my own, then realized I was being held tightly in someone's arms. I felt vibration in the masculine chest I was pressed against and heard a rich voice singing softly in French. It sounded so sad. Something about it wasn't right, though. The rhythm seemed off, interrupted by harsh spasms. I smelled cologne. Asher. It was Asher holding me, singing. I opened my eyes. The white cloth of his shirt was streaked and spotted with pink. I puzzled for a moment over this. Was he crying?
"What happened?" I said...or rather, tried to say. It came out as a raspy croak. My throat suddenly felt on fire. His arms tightened around me briefly as he continued to rock me. "I am sorry, cherie. I didn't mean for it to hit you that hard," he apologized. I had to swallow a couple of times before I could speak. "Why is my throat so raw?" I whispered. "I remember being overcome by all those memories, then this. What did you *do* to me, Asher?" Tears began to run down my face as my mind started sorting out all the images I had been bombarded with. I wanted to shut them out, but I couldn't. It was worse than any nightmare I'd ever had. "You don't remember screaming?" he asked. I shook my head. I clung to him as he rocked me. His embrace was soothing and made me feel safe, even though I knew *he* was the source of my distress. I didn't want to be let go right then.
Finally, I made some sense of the horrific memories. He'd shown me what had happened with Julianna. Jean-Claude had left to visit his dying mother, and everything had gone wrong from there. Now, here I was wanting to go with Derik to visit his mother, whose failing health prevented her from traveling. At last I understood. 'Cherie, I truly am sorry,' Asher's mental voice came warm and soothing, dulling the memories and easing the pain. 'You should never have had to see that. But, I *had* to make you understand why you can't go on this trip. I can't lose you like I lost her.'
I tried to speak, but my throat clenched painfully. I wondered how long it would take to heal, and just how long *had* I screamed. 'You don't need to use your voice, Tamara. Give it a few hours' rest, and you'll be fine,' Asher let me know. 'Nice to know,' I thought at him. 'Asher, you're *not* going to lose me.' 'You don't *know* that, cherie,' he insisted. 'You know I couldn't go with you. How could I protect you? I couldn't even save Julianna!' And I thought *Derik* was overprotective. 'Mon cher, I'm not *asking* you to protect me. I'm capable of taking care of myself. Plus, Derik will be with me. Trust me, *he'll* be protective enough for the both of you. It drove him nuts that he couldn't do anything for me while he was locked up,' I informed Asher.
'The hard part's gonna be getting him to give me some breathing space.' Asher cupped my cheek and gazed at me searchingly. I could sense him thinking about something, but he was shielding from me. I waited patiently. "You are determined to go, aren't you, ma rose d'acier," he stated. "Yup," I managed a hoarse whisper. He sighed, shaking his head. "You are such a stubborn woman...very well. I will contact the Master of the City of Statesboro to make arrangements for your visit," Asher consented. My voice was still too rough to carry on a normal conversation. Having the marks *did* aid in communication, at least.
'Okay, how's this for cautious? I don't have anything to do with the local vamps while I'm there? We're only going to visit family...Oh, and *no* entourage,' I suggested. "I still have to get permission for you to enter his territory, Tamara. Although, the less you have to deal with his vampires, the better, for your safety," Asher agreed. "But you *are* my servant. You *should* take an entourage befitting that status." 'No, Asher. That is precisely why I should *not* take an entourage. Statesboro is a little pond with delusions of grandeur. The only place I've ever been that had a bigger ego was Savannah. A show of status would most likely be SEEN as a show of *force* and a challenge. You've told me about that Tennessee fiasco. you were almost *killed* during that, for crying out loud! If it's only Derik and myself, then the Statesboro master is more likely to *believe* us when we tell him why we're there in his territory,' I argued.
"All right. But I still don't like it," Asher growled. 'I didn't ask you to,' I thought, but only to myself. I'd won this disagreement; didn't want to piss him off and be forbidden to leave. After that psychic wallop, I didn't doubt he could find a way to stop me and make it stick. Why was I having to go through stuff like this again? It was bad enough having to deal with Derik's paranoia about certain behavior, way back at the start of our relationship. I'd found myself having to pay for the sins and wrongs of past girlfriends. Now, with Asher, something that *should* have been simple was complicated by what had happened with him and Julianna, when Jean-Claude had been called away to visit his mother. Dammit, it wasn't fair!