I was trying really hard to understand why Asher was being so
difficult* about this. I even *told* him so.  "Asher, *why* are you
being so difficult? Are you *jealous* of Derik and me spending time
together?" I asked.  "Yes! I am!" he spat, petulantly.  Well, at least
he was honest about it. But he was starting to make me mad. "Funny, you
didn't seem to have a problem with me being married, before," I stated,
arms crossed and scowling at him.  He came over to me and gripped my
arms just below my shoulders. He had an agonized look on his face. It
seemed real enough, but I was pissed off enough to entertain doubts
about his sincerity. I knew that when Asher wanted something, he would
use all the means he had to get it. And for some reason, he wanted me
to stay put...and not spend time alone with my husband.  Tamara, I am
happy for you that your husband is getting an early release," he told
me.


"But...." I *knew* there was a "but" coming, so why let him drag this
out.  He saw I was losing patience and sighed. "I was hoping *we* would 
ave more time together before this came. I only just got you, cherie. I
wanted to get to know you better, without outside distractions, before
you and Derik were reunited."  Outside distraction, huh,' I thought,
shielding from my master. Out loud, I said, "What you mean is that you
wanted more time to try to seduce me away from him, don't you."  He was
silent for a moment, staring at me. I just stood there and returned his
stare.  "Oui," he admitted, finally.  "Oh Asher, you should know me
well enough by now to know that I *can't* leave him," I told him.
"Derik is a *part* of me. I'm not whole without him. Oh, I could
*survive* without him, but that's *all* it would be...surviving. If
something ever happened to him, a part of my soul would die. Surely you
can understand that."  


"Would you choose him over me?"  "That choice has been forever removed
from me. You know that." Oh, he was being...*irritating*. "I'm bound to
you just as closely as I am to him.  Both of you are going to have to
realize that you'll just have to *share*."  Asher smiled at that. He
lightly brushed my cheek and traced around the edge of one ear, gently
rolling it between his thumb and forefinger. My eyes half-closed
involuntarily, and a soft moan escaped my throat before I could stop
it.  "Oh, *sharing* has never been a problem, cherie," he chuckled
wickedly.  I'm looking *forward* to THAT. But, I still don't want you
to go to Georgia."  I jerked out of his grasp, glaring at him. I was
mad at myself for letting him distract me. "Why?!"


He reached for me to pull me back to him. I dodged. I knew if he
embraced me, he'd try to get out of answering. Having all four marks
made it *much* harder for him to cloud my mind and sneak up on
me...especially if I was already wary.  "No," I demanded, "tell me
*why* you don't want me to go with my husband to visit his mother."
Asher didn't try to make another grab for me.  I felt him drawing in
power around him. He uttered one phrase as his eyes frosted over.
"Déjà vu."  Then he blasted the marks wide open, and I was bombarded
with memories...of pain, betrayal, fear, and a deep and crushing sense
of loss.  It was too much, too fast. I blacked out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was being rocked gently. I couldn't seem to move on my own, then
realized I was being held tightly in someone's arms. I felt vibration
in the masculine chest I was pressed against and heard a rich voice
singing softly in French. It sounded so sad. Something about it wasn't
right, though. The rhythm seemed off, interrupted by harsh spasms. I
smelled cologne.  Asher.  It was Asher holding me, singing.  I opened
my eyes. The white cloth of his shirt was streaked and spotted with
pink. I puzzled for a moment over this.  Was he crying?


"What happened?" I said...or rather, tried to say. It came out as a
raspy croak. My throat suddenly felt on fire.  His arms tightened
around me briefly as he continued to rock me.  "I am sorry, cherie. I
didn't mean for it to hit you that hard," he apologized.  I had to
swallow a couple of times before I could speak. "Why is my throat so
raw?" I whispered. "I remember being overcome by all those memories,
then this. What did you *do* to me, Asher?" Tears began to run
down my face as my mind started sorting out all the images I had been
bombarded with. I wanted to shut them out, but I couldn't. It was worse
than any nightmare I'd ever had.  "You don't remember screaming?" he
asked. I shook my head. I clung to him as he rocked me. His embrace was
soothing and made me feel safe, even though I knew *he* was the source
of my distress. I didn't want to be let go right then.


Finally, I made some sense of the horrific memories. He'd shown me what
had happened with Julianna. Jean-Claude had left to visit his dying
mother, and everything had gone wrong from there. Now, here I was
wanting to go with Derik to visit his mother, whose failing health
prevented her from traveling.  At last I understood.  'Cherie, I truly
am sorry,' Asher's mental voice came warm and soothing, dulling the
memories and easing the pain. 'You should never have had to see
that. But, I *had* to make you understand why you can't go on this
trip. I can't lose you like I lost her.'


I tried to speak, but my throat clenched painfully. I wondered how long
it would take to heal, and just how long *had* I screamed.  'You don't
need to use your voice, Tamara. Give it a few hours' rest, and you'll
be fine,' Asher let me know.  'Nice to know,' I thought at him. 'Asher,
you're *not* going to lose me.'  'You don't *know* that, cherie,' he
insisted. 'You know I couldn't go with you. How could I protect you? I
couldn't even save Julianna!'  And I thought *Derik* was
overprotective.  'Mon cher, I'm not *asking* you to protect me. I'm
capable of taking care of myself. Plus, Derik will be with me. Trust
me, *he'll* be protective enough for the both of you. It drove him nuts
that he couldn't do anything for me while he was locked up,' I informed
Asher. 


'The hard part's gonna be getting him to give me some breathing space.'
Asher cupped my cheek and gazed at me searchingly. I could sense him
thinking about something, but he was shielding from me. I waited
patiently.  "You are determined to go, aren't you, ma rose d'acier," he
stated.  "Yup," I managed a hoarse whisper.  He sighed, shaking his
head.  "You are such a stubborn woman...very well. I will contact the
Master of the City of Statesboro to make arrangements for your visit,"
Asher consented.  My voice was still too rough to carry on a normal
conversation. Having the marks *did* aid in communication, at least.


'Okay, how's this for cautious? I don't have anything to do with the
local vamps while I'm there? We're only going to visit family...Oh, and
*no* entourage,' I suggested.  "I still have to get permission for you
to enter his territory, Tamara.  Although, the less you have to deal
with his vampires, the better, for your safety," Asher agreed. "But you
*are* my servant. You *should* take an entourage befitting that
status."  'No, Asher. That is precisely why I should *not* take an
entourage.  Statesboro is a little pond with delusions of grandeur. The
only place I've ever been that had a bigger ego was Savannah. A show of
status would most likely be SEEN as a show of *force* and a challenge.
You've told me about that Tennessee fiasco. you were almost *killed*
during that, for crying out loud! If it's only Derik and myself, then
the Statesboro master is more likely to *believe* us when we tell him
why we're there in his territory,' I argued.


"All right. But I still don't like it," Asher growled.  'I didn't ask
you to,' I thought, but only to myself. I'd won this disagreement;
didn't want to piss him off and be forbidden to leave. After that
psychic wallop, I didn't doubt he could find a way to stop me and make
it stick.  Why was I having to go through stuff like this again? It was
bad enough having to deal with Derik's paranoia about certain behavior,
way back at the start of our relationship. I'd found myself having to
pay for the sins and wrongs of past girlfriends. Now, with Asher,
something that *should* have been simple was complicated by what had
happened with him and Julianna, when Jean-Claude had been called away
to visit his mother.  Dammit, it wasn't fair!