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NEWS FLASH!!!!!! RABID LLAMA ATTACK---- January 31st, 2002 - A destructive army of more than 22 million rabid llamas has swarmed around Chump City, now a city under siege. The city's feeble animal control forces have been able to fend off the onslaught for the last few hours, but at 1:00 PM central time, the animals crashed through the town wall and began the destruction. Chump City Hospital is overflowing with more than 10,000 innocent citizens who have been bitten, trampled, paralyzed, mauled, scratched, killed, and kissed by these vile creatures. THe National Airline Industry is cancelling all flights to Chump City, and the National Army is un able to help, because they have severe llama hair allergies (which the llamas scientists introduced to the world in 1991) Anyway, it is advised that no one head to the Chump City area until it is safe. Put the people of Chump City in your prayers. There are more than 600 million rabid llamas in the world today. In 1970, this number was closer to 18. In 1980, the population was nearly 4,000, but tended to stay away from civilization. The first major attack was in 1989, when 500 rogue llamas attacked a Swiss village high in the Alps, devouring schoolchildren and pillaging chocolate shops. All we really know about llamas is that they live off of Fruity Pebbles. A group of hikers was murdered in Peru in 1992 because they were carrying Fruity Pebbles. The Worst attack before today was in 1996, when 13 million Rabid Llamas attacked the POST cereal factory in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Casualties were close to 500. Recent technology has allowed humans and apes to track positions of these vapid beasts, because of a strange chemical that they all seem to contain. The top five states for Rabid Llama Activity are: MICHIGAN- 40 million at last count ILLINOIS- 30 million COLORADO- 25 million IOWA- 15 million NEW MEXICO-10 million ALL OTHER STATES- 80 million The top five countries for Rabid Llama Activity are: PERU- 300 million UNITED STATES- 200 million RUSSIA- 50 million CHINA- 30 million CANADA- 20 million ALL OTHER COUNTRIES- 10 million CURRENT # RABID LLAMA ATTACKS- 530,000 reported CURRENT # RABID LLAMA CASULATIES- 0 CURRENT # HUMAN CASUALTIES FROM LLAMA- 1.2 million
