Quotes

Johnathan: Stop touching the magical bone!

Williow's Mom: Williow, you are not allowed to play with Bunny Summers anymore.

Oz: Is it a hootnanny, a shin dig or a hulabloo?

Buffy: Full on exorcist spin.

Buffy: Williow, Xander, my buddies are here. I love my buddies!

Giles: We can't let you go until we're sure that you're impotent or -
Spike: Hey!
Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we know that you're...
Buffy: Flaccid?
Spike: You are one step away, missy!
Buffy: Giles help! He's gonna scold me!

Buffy: You're my Xander shaped friend

Giles: The earth is definetly doomed.

Xander:Buffy thinks of me as the sceneary.
Willow: Your like a chewed up pen, you know you should get rid of it, but you don't, not cause you like it, its just easier.

Buffy: Okay here is the plan, we need money, then we burn down the house, and take the insurance. And FIRE PRETTY

Giles: You have a certain duty Buffy, but instead you inslave yourself to this, this, cult!
Buffy: (in cheerleading outfit) you don't like the color?

Amy: I am so happy to have by body back! I'm thinking about getting fat...
Buffy: I heard thats in this spring.

Cordelia: I can't believe I'm stuck here spending what are probably my last moments on earth with you!
Xander: I hope these are my last moments! Three more seconds of you and I'm gonna
Cordelia: You're gonna what? Coward!
Xander: Moron!
Cordelia: I hate you!
Xander: I hate you!
(they kiss)
Xander: We so need to get out of here.
Cordelia: Uh-huh.


Willow: Did Buffy tell you about the beer, 'cause...
Giles: Uh, Buffy didn't tell me anything.
Willow: Oh, well forget the beer part then.
Giles: Happily.


Giles: Faith has you at a disadvantage, Buffy.
Buffy: 'Cause I'm not crazy, or 'cause I don't kill people?
Giles: Both, actually.

Anya: A year and a half ago I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler.
Spike: You know... You take the killing for granted... And then it's gone, and you're like... I wish I'd appreciated it more. Stop and smell the corpses, you know?

Buffy: Faith told me to play on his human weakness.
Willow: Faith told you? Is that before or after you put her in a coma?
Buffy: After.
Willow: Oh.


(Willow and Oz are caring for Angel)
Oz: Any change?
Willow: He's delirious. He thought I was Buffy.
Oz: You too, huh?


Xander: So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had a chance to clock you?
Angel: I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not.
Xander: A-and if he bit me, what then?
Angel: We would've known he bought it.


Dawn: I just think you're freakin' out 'cause you have to fight someone prettier than you. That is the case, right?
Buffy: Glory is evil. And powerful. And in no way prettier than me.


Dawn: I tell you I have this theory. It goes where, you're the one who's not my sister. Cuz mom adopted you from a shoe box full of baby howler monkeys, and never told you cuz it could hurt your delicate baby feelings.
Buffy: That's your theory?
Dawn: Explains your fashion sense. And smell.


Giles: It appears to be paranormal in origin.
Buffy: How can you tell?
Giles: Well, it's so shiny.

(About Giles)
Willow: He's our grown-up friend. Not in a creepy way.

(Xander has reenacted Buffy's slaying with fishsticks) Buffy: That's exactly how it happened.
Oz: Well, I thought it was riveting. Uh, I was a little unclear about some of the themes.
Buffy: The theme is Angel's too much of a coward to take me on face-to-face.
Xander: And the other theme was 'Buy American', but it, uh, got kind of buried.


(Angel is behind him) Angel: Buffy.
Buffy: Angel.
Xander: Xander!


Willow: You know Buffy, sweet girl, not that bright.

Willow: Giles says everything's a part of the earth. This bed, the air, us.
Buffy: Explains why my fingernails get dirty even when I don't do anything.
Willow: Plus you stuck your thumbs in a demon


Buffy: And I'm sure he'll come over later looking for a little... Bible study.
Joyce: Well, good. I mean just as long as two of you are spending some quality time with... the Lord.

Anya: We have to see the chimp playing hockey! That's hilarious! The ice is so slippery, and, and monkeys are all irrational. We have to see this

Spike: Just don't break anything. And don't make a lotta noise. Passions is coming on.
Joyce: Passions? Oh, do you think Timmy's really dead?
Spike: Oh, no, no. She can just sew him back together. He's a doll, for God's sake.
Joyce: Ah, what about the wedding? I mean, there's no way they're gonna go through with that.

Willow: Angel? I saw him too.
Giles: That's not terribly stealthy of him.
Willow: I think he's lost his edge

Willow: The coroner's office said she was missing an ear, so I'm thinking maybe we're looking for a witch. There's some great spells that work much better with an ear in the mix.
Buffy: That's one fun little hobby you got there, Will

(About Thanksgiving) Anya: I love a ritual sacrifice.
Buffy: Not really a one of those.
Anya: To commemorate a past event you kill and eat an animal. A ritual sacrifice... with pie.

Professor Riegert: Do you understand? You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn.
Buffy: I didn't mean to ... suck.

Willow: Oh, boyfriend! It's my on-campus boyfriend.
Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up. The line's probably really long now, too

Conservative Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Buffy: Uh, you know I meant to, and then I just got really busy.

Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first?
Willow: Yes. First there's the painful nowning process

Quentin: Congratulations again.
Buffy: Bite me.
Quentin: Yes, well, colorful girl

Angel: Um, am I gonna see you this weekend? You, uh, you-you probably have plans.
Buffy: Right, birthday. Um, actually, I, I do have a thing.
Angel: Oh, a thing. A date?
Buffy: Nice attempt at casual. Actually, I do have a date. Older man. Very handsome. He likes it when I call him 'Daddy'.
Angel: Huh, your father. It is your father, right?

Cordelia: He didn't? Pete was a monster? Where have I been?
Xander: In your special place, Cor, which is why I adore you.

Xander: You don't hide. You're bait. Go act baity.
Cordelia: What's the plan?
Xander: The vampire attacks you.
Cordelia: And then what?
Xander: The vampire kills you. We watch, we rejoice

Giles: Cordelia, it's me! It's me!
Cordelia: How do we know it's really you and not zombie Giles?
Giles: Cordelia, do stop being tiresome. Willow: We had kind of a pajama party sleepover with weapons thing.
Xander: Oh. And I don't suppose either of you had the presence of mind to locate a camera to capture the moment

Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember?
Buffy: I dreamt... I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas.
Angel: See my point?

Xander: A Slayer, huh? I knew this 'I'm the only one, I'm the only one' thing was just an attention-getter.

Buffy: The only time a new slayer is called is when the old one dies.
Joyce: You died!!!?!?!?
Buffy: Just once!

Cordelia: I just don't see why everyone's always picking on Marie-Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good, and people just don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed...
Xander: I think you mean O-pressed.
Cordelia: Whatever. They were cranky. So they're like, 'Let's lose some heads.' Uh! That's fair. And Marie-Antoinette cared about them. She was gonna let them have cake!

Willow: She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her.
Xander: You're bad to the bone.
Willow: I'm a rebel

Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?

Tara: I get on the internet sometimes but everyone has such bad grammar its kinda depressing.

Angel: I saw you before you became the Slayer.
Buffy: What?
Angel: I watched you, and I saw you called. It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You walked down the steps... and... and I loved you.
Buffy: Why?
Angel: 'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe... to warm it with my own.
Buffy: That's beautiful. Or taken literally, incredibly gross.
Angel: I was just thinking that, too.

Willow: It's really nice that you guys missed me. Say, you all didn't happen to do a bunch of drugs, did you?
Xander: Will, we saw you at The Bronze. A vampire.
Willow: I'm not a vampire!
Buffy: You are. I mean, you were. Giles, planning on jumping in with an explanation any time soon?
Giles: Well, uh...something very strange is happening.
Xander: Can you believe the Watcher's Council let this guy go?

Buffy: And afterwards I get a cookie!

Cordelia: I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!
Xander: Not just any girl. You're special

Cordelia:I can't believe how everyone wants them to sympahtize for them, like this one time I run over a girl on a bike. She kept whining about her leg, but what about me? It was the most traumazting experiences of my life

Andrew: We will not be afraid to protect it with our very lives.
Anya: Yes, we will not be afraid to protect it with his very life.
Xander: Don't be afraid to use him as a human shield.
Anya: Yes. Good. Thanks