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Rebecca R. Vallerand
© 1999
it hurts
I know I never had a chance
but it's over before
it ever had a chance to begin
I planted the seed
(at least I thought I did)
but I guess I didn't dig the hole down
deep enough
or the seeds sprung sprouts
but starved to death
(you were never known to be overly affectionate)
maybe the seed just died
maybe I never planted it
maybe I just can't garden
maybe you never knew
and I think that would be best
because maybe it was all in my head
maybe you never felt it like I do
and it was a nice dream to have
and it kept me happy while it lasted
and just because nothing comes of it
well, it just proves what I've thought right along
it's always better to be alone
it's always better to be just out of reach
if you can't get to me maybe I can't get hurt
if I lock myself away maybe I can't feel
if I don't have any friends maybe I can't cry
because then they'll never leave
and like I said, maybe I just can't garden
so the seeds I plant will never grow
like I said, maybe that seed just died
because
they all do, you know
if you touch my skin with a razorblade do i bleed?
I think I'm about to find out
the razorblade is your indifference
this is what life's all about
this is life, I'm living it to the hilt
getting in all the hurt I can to make sure
I'm still human
cause, you know
sometimes
I wonder.
9/25/97
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