sometimes
What I do look back at times - amazes even myself,
Looking back, watching me become an alcoholic.
with bottle in hand, and no end in sight .
Is this something I can end,
am I strong enough to do so?
What am I becoming?
Who am I these days?
Anywhere near who I used to be?
Im closer to a monster now,
then anything reasonably human.
So many people in my family have been alcohlics,
and have died from that addiction,
so it's said it runs in the family,
even with that information,
I could stop nothing .
I can't stop myself from drinking,
Feeling sometimes like the bottle is the only thing
that is truly ever there for me.
Everything else in my life can be taken away,
but the bottle of alcohol can never be,
When im lying in alone in my bed at night,
there is always one thing I can head towards.
As loneliness hits me when I have no one to be with,
theres always my one companion.
No one even knows whats going on,
no one asks about my well being,
maybe I am just looking for attention,
and have reached into something that has out powered me.
Is there anyone I can reach out to,
that is what I wonder continuously.
Walking that path where many I know have gone,
and never ever returned.
Even with their failures, I fail myself.
not even slightly bothering to try and pick myself up.
In Loving
©2000[[torn]]
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