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© 1999 by Pete Gruenwald. All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced by any means without the written permission of Pete Gruenwald. No fur-bearing animals were harmed during the creation of this document. Allergy alert: may contain nutmeg, but we doubt it. Return for refund where applicable. Not recommended for persons with sugar-restricted diets. Batteries are included -- best of luck finding them. Proud sponsor of the 1934 penguin olympic games at McMurdo Sound, Antarctica. May cause irritability, sleeplessness or warts after prolonged use. Contents under pressure. If you dont like it, dial 1-800-EATSHIT. BHT added to preserve freshness. Caution: this product has caused some laboratory rats to rip through their cages, fly across the room and brutally murder hundreds of innocent people. Shake well before using. No vacuum tubes or other user-serviceable parts inside. Not to be combined with other radioisotopes except under the advice of a physician. Avoid prolonged exposure to ultraviolet light. The truth is out there. Use no hooks. Not intended for use by children or liberals under the age of five. Printed on unrecycled dead trees and we're proud of it. May increase your chances of having your head explode. If your not 0.02% satisfied with this or any other products listed here go fuck yourself.