smith@mindnet.org Bubbles By: Steph & Vera ______________________________________________________________________________________ We begin our story with the Sailor Scouts fighting against Malachite for truth and justice. (As usual.) Sailor Moon: "ON behalf of the moon I will PUNISH YOU!" Malachite: "I doubt the moon would send a bumbling idiot like you out to punish me." (As Serena drops her little moon wand, and it skitters down the sewer drain.) Sailor Moon: (sweat drop) "He he he. . . oops." Luna: (sweat drop) "Sailor Moon!!!" Sailor Mars: "Oh WONDERFUL." (Thick sarcasm) Sailor Jupiter: "Okay, that's enough fooling around. Jupiter THUNDER CRASH!!!" Sailor Venus: (ecited at her first speaking line) "Go girl!" Malachite: "Oh, no Jupiter's sending thunder at me!" Jupiter: "You BETTER be scared." Malachite: "Ever heard of SARCASM???" Jupiter: "Yes, I'm not an idiot." Malachite: (dismisses Jupiter's delayed slow-motion lightning) "Could have fooled me." Sailor Mercury: "Okay, I've had enough of your sarcasm and your mean spirited teasing! Mercury BUBBLES BLAST!!!" (All laugh) "Okay, okay, so bubbles are stupis! It's not my fault I'm cursed with these horrible little bubbles! I wanted something more dangerous, but nooooooo, I had to get these stupid little bubbles that couldn't even give someone a paper cut! I mean, how fair is this, Mars has fire, which is reall big and bad, plus with that little slip of paper she could give someone a paper cut, and at least draw BLOOD! And, Jupiter has a whole thunder storm at her command, I mean, lightnong, thunder, she can do some DAMAGE! Then there's Venus, who has that little crescent thingy. . ." Venus: (indignantly) "Crescent Beam Smash." Mercury: "Yeah, that. And that could really hurt someone, and scare someone off. And Sailor Moon has her whole little moon princess shindig. I mean, tiara, wand, however terrible she is at holding onto it! She can kick some tush! And even Luna, and Artemis have claws!!! I can't even grow my fingernails out! And what do I have? BUBBLES? Oh yes Ami, we're afraid you might hurt yourself, you better take these little bubbles and go paly. Don't give me anything DANGEROUS, I might misuse it! I'm the most intelligent one here, did any of you get an A+++++++ on the last math test? I thought not! But I only get bubbles! I think I deserve something more!" (Silence) Malachite: "Hey, you know what, that ISN'T fair!!! Of course, I don't care or anything, that's your problem, but you oughta sue or something!" Mars: "Geez we never knew you felt this way, Mercury." Mercury: "I want some BIG BAD ammunition. Like. . . an AK47 or something! That had a nice ring to it, (yells) Mercury AK47. . . or. . . maybe. . . well, what about earthquake power?" Jupiter: "Nope, that's Sailor Uranus." Mercury: "Oh, Sailor URANUS, who doesn't even have the nerve to APPEAR in North America!!! Please, let's give her something dangerous, and stick Mercury with the bubbles!" Jupiter: "Hey I didn't write the thing." Mercury: "Well, what about a flood. Mercury flood. . . . . blast or something." Jupiter: "Mope again, that's Sailor Neptune's Power." Mercury: "Oh, yeah, Sailor Neptune. Sure. Well, I don't think that's fair either! She's not in the dub!" Sailor Moon: (looking for her moon wand) "Hey, where'd is go? I need that thing! C'mon, Malachite's gonna beat us up! I need that thing!!!!" Malachite: (surprized at being mentioned) "oh yeah, I'm still here. Um. . . well, wnough of this talking, let's get down to it! I'm gonna. . . hurt you. Ahhh. . . . Badly!" Mercury: "I don't THINK so! Not while I still have these stupid bubbles! Oh no you don't. I think we oughta delay this particular fight for three weeks untill I get my gun permit. Or some other power." Malachite: "Can't we just GET ON witht this?" Mercury: "NO! Okay, how about. . . Mercury falls on you power!!!" Jupiter: "Oh Mercury, that wouldn't hurt ANYONE. You only weigh like 90 pounds or something!" Mercury: "Dinwit! I meant the planet! Like I could bring it down on my enimies." Malachite: "Ouch. Not a good idea." Mercury: "Actually, I think I like the AK47 best. You see, I just don't think it's fair that I have bubbles. I can't even pummel anyone to death. If I at lease had rocks. . . or . . .nuts. . . or sticks. . . something that coule LEAVE A MARK! I think I could hurt the bubble more that it could hurt me!" Jadite: (appearing out of thin air from his invisibility from which he's been listening to the conversation.) "Yeah, Mercury, you'd TALK it to DEATH!" Mercury: "You shut up you. . .hey, where'd you come from?" Venus: (second speaking line) "Jadite! Where'd you come from? Hey, why do I get all the stupid obvioud lines? Isn't that Serena's department? And I don't even KNOW Jadite." Jadite: "No time for introductions, I'm here to finish what Malachite couldn't do!" Malachite: "I was just getting to that, OKAY? Mercury had a good argument, and I was just going to let them all get bored from her talking on and on and fall asleep, and THEN I would destroy them, so why don't you go back to your crystal prison and sleep for a few hundred years, hmmmmmm?" Jadite: "I find it much more invigorating to come here and tease the Sailor scouts. . . and you. . ." Sailor Moon: "Hey GUYS, I REALLY need some help over here! My hand is stuck in the grate!" Luna: (sweat drop) "Unclench your fist." (Sailor Moon does so, and releases her hand out.) Sailor Moon: "How cool! It worked! But my wand's still down there. Hey Luna, do you have another? Now there's two nega-scum to deal with!" Jadite: "Hey!" Malachite: "What did you just call me?" Jupiter: "She called you nega-scum, and that's what you are! You're like something I scraped off. . . well, somewhere icky!" Jadite: "I resent that. Oh, please, can't anyone give me better likes? This script is so stupid! Whoever wrote this hasn't been clued in that I'm DEAD!" Malachite: "You're not dead." Jadite: "Thanks. Do I look that good? I appreciate it." Malachite: (sweat drop) "Mercury, maybe you should fight with safety pins. De-inflate his ego a little, huh?" Mercury: "Again! SAFETY pins? Am I a little kid or something? So I have to use BUMPERS when I bowl? I mean do I have to wear a helmet when I walk so I don't HURT myself? I do no need SAFETY PINS! I'm going to get my AK47 permit now, okay?" (Mercury walks off) Jadite: "Praise Nega-allah." Malachite: "Did you just make that up?" Jadite: (proud) "Yeah, ya like it?" Malachite: "No." Jadite: "You're just mad cuz you don't have cool hair like mine!" Malachite: "I don't have cool hair? I do so have cool hair! I have the best hair on the show, got it?" Venus: (who must intervene again) "Guys. . . can we get back to the PLOT now?" Jupiter: (suddenly panicked, looking around) "PLOT? What plot?" Venus: (sweat drops) "Exactly." Sailor Moon: "I see it! I see it! I. . . just. . . can't. . . reach it! Maybe if I pull off this sewer drain. . ." (starts tugging and pulling at the grate) Luna: (sweat drop) "Oh Serena." Malachite: "You all do realize how many times you've acctually given her identity away, don't you? You'd have to be completely stupid to not realize that!" Sailor Moon: "They HAVE? Thanks guys. . ." (sarcasm) Jupiter: "Oh well, it's her problem not mine. Who's ready to FIGHT?" Venus: (adding yet another unentused shout just to say something) "Go girl!" Mars: "Okay, it's my turn to talk, cuz I haven't talked in a long time. Ummm. . . on behalf of the planet Mars. . . I will. . . ummmmmmm, hold on, let me find my little paper. . . ummmmm. . . here it is! Lemme start again, on behalf of the planet MARS I will PUNISH YOU!" Malachite: "Isn't this how the story started?" Jadite: "Yeah." Malachite: "How would you know? You weren't even here!" Jadite: "I was here. I was invisible. I used my special JED-POWERS!" Mercury: (returns) "Even he had powers! And I have BUBBLES!" Jupiter: "Where's the gun?" Mercury: "They wouldn't let me have it. They said I seemed a little unbalanced. So I shot bubbles at them. They laughed. Big mistake. So I stole. . .(pulls something out of a large bag that no onw noticed until now) A BAZOOKA!" Venus: (speaking up with another corny line) "And the plot thickens." All: "WHAT PLOT???" Venus: "Sorry, that was my chicken soup thickening, I haven't been stirring it." All: "WHAT?" Venus: "My humor is obviously over your head." All: "Whatever." (Actually, it was only Jupiter, but the writer liked to write ALL.) Mars: "ENOUGH of this PLOTLESS story! Okay! Let's cover this. Okay again, Malachite and Jadite (who is supposed to be banished or dead or something) are here, looking kinda bored, Serena has lost her moon wand, of course Jupiter is just dying to shoot off some of her thunder, Venus has no good lines, and Mercury is insane, and she has a bazooka." Venus: "I wonder what will happen now???" Mercury: "At least I've rid myself of those bubbles! The bazooka scared um off! Now. . . (hoists the bazooka onto her shoulder) let's get this fight underway shall we?" (Jadite and Malachite exchange a look that clearly says "oh wonderful, she has a huge gun and we have nega-powers." So, of course they exist hastily.) Mercury: "Well I guess that took care of um." Jupiter: "Mercury, violence never solves anything." Mercury: "What are you talking about? It solved THAT!!! And I have no more silly bubbles to worry about." (Jupiter whistles and the men in little whit coats come for Mercury and take her away. Jadite and Malachite return.) Jadite: "Okay, now can we please add a plot to this story and fight?" Malachite: "good idea. Let's adda plot now!" Venus: "Take one plot, stir it into the story. . .with a bunch of insane characters. . . one of whom is DEAD!" Jadite: "I am not dead! What are you, a necrophiliac or something???" Venus: "Look, I'm getting lines! Sorry, I just had to say that. Okay, now what was my real line?" (consulting script) "Never mind, I didn't have a line." Mars: "That's IT! This story is so stupid and pointless, , and I hate it! Gimme that script!" Sailor Moon: "I can't find my wand!!!" (burst into tears) Venus: And the plot. . ." Mars: "My turn for the dumb line. And the plot sees the story and runs far away." (Mars lakes the script and sets it on fire. . .) THE END, I hope you enjoyed this story, becuase it is a portrayal of how unfair things really are for poor Mercury, and that's what started the entire story, poor Mercury's dilemma, and now the poor girl has been carted off to the nice place up the hill (funny farm) and I ask you, is this really fair? I mean, all she wanted was some real power! I think we owe it to her! Now come on, everyone repeat "I believe in faries. . ." no wait I mean, "I htink Ami should get some real powers." Maybe it'll make her happier. I wanna hear it for poor Mercury. Jadite: "Hey, it's just me. I think she should have cool powers. You know, if she joined the Nega-force. . ." (Jadite leaves my story ending) Mars: "Hey listen you writer, I've had just about enough of this plotless work of junk! Now if you don't end this right now, then I will PUNISH YOU!" Sailor Moon: "I want my wand!" Artemis: "Hey, why wasn't I in this story? I'm your favorite character, afeter all!" Writer: "Sorry. I love you Artemis! I didn't wan to degrade you by adding you into this bizarre story. Stay tuned for more adaptions of Sailor Moon, cuz I like writing there stories! Good bye now, before Rei burns me or somehting. . ." Rei: "ENOUGH! Not only did you give my identity away, but you deraded me by including me in this story! Finished. I'm burning this thing. And anyone who read this, I know who you are, and where you live!!!!!!" Malachite and Jadite: "CAN IT!!!!" Flames envelope the page.