Ever notice those incredibly annoying recurring themes in anime, especially the Magical Girl animes? Well comrade you’re not alone. That’s right, here’s a little cliché list to compare notes. Submissions welcome. Or you know, whatever, I’ll just sic my talking cat with a little crescent bald spot on it’s head on you, but at least you get to choose which color- black, white or gray? I’d suggest black, the blood stains aren’t so noticeable then.

Mandatory Content Dislcaimer: I’m not trying to offend, really I’m not. I’m just looking for a laugh while putting to light some of the recurring clichés I’ve found. I like Magical Girl Animes, I really do. I just thought it was kinda funny. And when I got going, I really got going. And then I involved Curt, and he got going. And then it ended up one big ol’ mess that made both of us pee our pants form laughing so hard. Well okay not really, but you get the point. And if this offends you in any way, you need to really re-evaluate your sense-of-humor level and learn to laugh a little. Don’t take this seriously, because we don’t and you shouldn’t. In case you're wondering what the big font and underlining is all about, I got this totally nonsensical flame/review thing, and then me and Curt posted responses to it. But I thought about it when laying in bed, thinking and listening to Lenny Kravitz's Storytellers, and found it was really stupid to get so miffed about that. There's stupid, mean people in the world, I can't help that. I can't help that they can't read the disclaimer either, and don't follow common sense, but that's all their problems- not mine. So, I decided to be the better person, took it off, and spiffed up the disclaimer to attract more attention hopefully.

1. Okay, on the subject of transportation, why are the main characters always taken to the other world that just happens to be on the verge of great peril, from the Tokyo Tower? Does it conduct transportation spells really, really well or something? Why not Cleveland? Or is it just high places? Well, with that in mind, it poses the question why not the Space Needle? Site of the World Fair I’m not exactly sure how many times. "In 1986, we will be living in bubble habitats on the moon…."
2. Okay, I know überduh Tegan, but why always magical girls? Here’s something to ponder, what would the people of the land in need do if they got one magical girl, one magical boy, and one magical drag queen? Would they keep the girl, send back the boy, and think about perhaps keeping the drag queen just because he’s so darn cute, and looks better than any non-magical (and even some magical ones) female in red pumps?
3. What’s with all the bishounen around? I’m not complaining or anything, I mean, more eye-candy of guys without shirts is a good thing. But where the hell is my beautiful male posse? Exactly.
4. Love interests abound. Anyone else notice everyone falls in love with the main magical girl, and her true love (who happens to be the biggest dope on the show; i.e. Tamahome.). C’mon now, if you had all those beautiful people fawning after you, wouldn’t you play the field, pimp a little, get the hook ups? I know I would.
5. On the subject of love, gosh, I though the villain was supposed to hate the magical girl, not fall in love with her! Mah gawd.
6. Love polygons are a must. Usually between the main magical girl, her true love, her best friend, another magical girl, one of the good bishounen, and one of the bad, evil sexy villain bishounen.
7. Funky hair-do’s galore. Ooh yeah, it makes for a better nekkid transformation sequence.
8. The school- girl uniforms. Really, is it some personal sexual fetish of the Japanese, or just the animators? Dude, leave your work at work, your home at home, and you sex fantasies the hell away from me pervert.
9. Backtracking a bit, but still on the subject of sexual fetishes, the transformation sequence. Or in the words of the Queens of Swords: "a mildly titillating transformation sequence." Where’s the bishounen, butt-nekkid transformation dammit!? Ahem.
10. The cutest, sweetest, bestest (?) bishounen get killed off. What the hell happened to Darwin’s Theory of Evolution by Natural Selection? I guess that’s the reason they’re aren’t many real bishounen in the world. Sigh, what a shame.
11. One bishounen, good or bad, doesn’t matter which, is gay. And then still ends up falling in love with the main magical girl and/or her dopey true love. Typical I say, typical.
12. The main magical girl follows a set pattern personality that I like to say is a direct result of "The childish, idealistic, superficial, sex-starved complex." Which consists of:
    1. Sleeping- a LOT.
    2. Eating- a LOT.
    3. Chasing after guys- a LOT.
    4. Having these lame-brained ideas founded upon the ideal that everyone is essentially good, but I doubt she’s ever even heard of philosophy.
    5. Being able to diminish a thousand calories in a 15-minute sitting.
    6. Being the most unbelievably superficial, stereotypical teenage girl on the face of the planet.
    7. Yelling out her attacks in a high-pitched, incredibly annoying voice that makes her sound like an effing Pokémon.
    8. Bad grades and slacking off, or just general lazi-ness.
    9. Being a grade-A whiner.
    10. Having a dopey boyfriend.
    11. Being a big dope herself.
    12. Having funky hair.

        Which could go to say she could benefit from:

        1. Cutting her hair.
        2. Stop yelling out transformation sequences like a fucking Pokémon.
        3. Don’t talk to the cat, it’s a friggin’ cat for chrissakes.
        4. Stop being such an exhibitionist, really no one wants to see you twirl nekkid with sparks around.
        5. Go study, you’ll be surprised how much a water-deprived sponge can soak up.
        6. It’s called common sense, use some.
        7. Leave that dope of a boyfriend and go find that rich, handsome, incredibly smart and charming bishounen that feel in love with you.
        8. You were better off in the manga, why don't you tell the animators and screen writer to try and keep it that way.

           But it all mostly comes down to her being in a revealing outfit while spinning around, and yelling out attacks like a Pokémon or Digimon, or whatever, and only doing this once in the episode while her dope of a boyfriend has to come and make a stupid speech and having to save his girlfriends butt from the lame monster-of-the-day. Or in the words of my friend Curt: " Find help. Seriously. A safe house would be nice. Only two types of people slack off that much, procrastinate that much, and eat that much while having that attitude: potheads and teenage males. Either way she needs help… I mean… a size four skirt on a guy?! Well you know, because she’s either a pot-smoker or a guy in drag."

    13. There's some sort of cat in every Magical Girl Anime. Whether it be a cat-girl, a plain cat, or a guardian talking cat, it's there.
    14. Also in the exact words of Curt: "BIG FUCKIN' EYES! LIKE ANIMATED MOSQUITOES! LIKE THE ANIME PEOPLE WENT THROUGH THAT MACHINE IN "THE FLY" THAT MADE JEFF GOLDBLUM HAVE SUCH LARGE ANIME-ESQUE EYES!" Needless to say, Curt likes to type in all capitals and a permanent exclamation mark.
    15. Anime Magical Girls talk in permanent exclamation marks to.
    16. According to Kai Narukumi: Magical Girls like to giggle a whole lot too. I agree, but hey who am I to talk. I sniff some of the Elmer's Glue and there I am laughing maniacally at my hand.

    I kinda realized I'm a bit mean at the last bits of the list, but well, tough love just has to be that way sometimes. Well kids, that’s all for now. Well you know at least until I get some more magical girl animes to watch and find those inevitable clichés that you know are there. Sometimes they just bite you on the ass and you have to write them down. Which I guess is where this list came from. Ow, my butt….

    Little note: Okay, I had to remove then re-post this story, and I'm sorry to everyone that reviewed and put it on the favorites list of their stories, but I couldn't stop feeling bad, and I kept ranting on and on about I'm going to hell because I posted a mean response to a review, and oh mah gawd, am I a total dilweed. I really, really do apologize to everyone that put it on their lists.