12-6-98

It was my day off today and I should have been working on either cleaning or art work or poetry but instead I sat and played Zelda all day ... I am burnt out, from what I couldn't tell you. I think as far as activity goes my life is at a low point. but I still always feel like I have no time for my sefl . I feel like I am always tired or waiting to relax and when I do get the rest I need instead of energizing me it makes me even more lazy . Last night i satyed up quite late ... I was up until early morning... I had hours that I should or could have been accomplishing something ... but instead I looked around on line abit listened to music and watched TV... That would all be fine with me if i felt good doing it or felt calmer afterwords but I just felt more tense because after i had wastd so many minutes and hours I realized what was gone ... infact even writing this now I wonder how important it is to me or anyone else , and i wonder if I am wasting time again. That dosn't matter ....

I drank more than my share of soda last night ...and now Joes share that will probablly last him another week is staring me in the face. man I am thirsty and water just isn't doing the trick.

On a happy note :) I sent my friend Mary a box a few days ago and I think she should get it soon and I am excited about that .She just had a baby and I sent some stuff for her and marc the baby and marco her husband. I met her here on-line when I still had a Saturn net-link :) and we have become good friends :) I hope nothing I sent broke, a couple of things I sent were kind of delicate. She is the one who scans my artwork for me . Some day I hope o get a computer so I can scan my own images. Mary says it isn't an imposition but I know it must be in a way.

I keep trying to rationalize the expence of a computer to myself , I mean I kind of realize that it is just another toy for me and no matter what else i say about it , it really won't be aything more...but having webtv and having to borrow images and do contortions to get my page to look decent is driving me nuts.Things will look fine to me when I see it here and when someone sees it with another system it will be so different from what I intended part of that comes from me really not knowing what I am doing. :) Maybe I am just thinking a computer will be my cure-all ... and maybe that is overexaggerated . but i would love to be able to scan my own images :)

My neighbor came home upstairs.

My eyes are hurting ...I better go .

Email: chobek@webtv.net