Art Bell is on of course and they are talking about triangular UFOs tonight, and some lawyer who deals in these matters...?... Last night they had an anit-christ hot line open for people who thought they were the anti-christ... the phone line always had a caller. Eventually I just turned it off because it was one disturbed person after another, most insincere.... but some not, and Art Bell responded with his normal smugness. I read a little more of a book a friend of mine at work let me borrow written by Einstien... Ok I realize this is a bit cliche but the man was fucking brilliant. The book is just amazing and I am only about 50 pages into it ... It is one of those slow reads like reading Joseph Cambel, Each sententence is loaded and if you skim you are just lost ... I have a list of words I need to look up because I am uncertain on their meanings(words I only really know in context) , and I keep pulling important quotes from it to mix with thoughts I have taken from books of a similar subject... I get so excited when I read or find things that excite me and I put them together, collect them ....I don't know where I am really heading with these things though.
Art keeps going on about some angel picture that he has on line to look at and some circles they have found in Miami ...I don't know why I listen to this show when I am so spiteful.
That remindes me there is the sweetest woman at work that comes in to make coppies. Hundreds of pages bound into books and when you talk to her she will tell you about her life. The books that she makes are quotes and stories and poems and Angel sightings. She gave me a book right before Christmas and to be honest I took it to be polight at first, but felt odd about accepting it. On the cover was a huge mooney eyed Jesus staring at me. I am not exactly the most religious person in the world...and I found myself feeling a bit of conflict about the whole thing not knowing if I should mislead her by accepting it and playing along with conversations about angels and such thinngs. I certainly did not want to offend her by rejecting such a thoughtful and wonderful part of her. Well I took the book and I am glad that I did. Some of the overly religious passages make me cringe a bit but most of the writings are more uplifting and positive than anything else ....and when I look through it I can really see her personality. She tells me of her illnesses when I talk to her in the store and she tells me how her faith has saved her many times. and so the book is special to me because she is special to me. and to be honest her devotion is something I am kind of Jealous of. I never want to get into my beliefs with her because they are irrelavant to our relationship and I know she would not see things the way I do. Maybe I am a chicken but I know I wouldn't back down or be reformed and I don't really think she would or should be changed by my words either... so I would rather avoid the confrontation.
sometimes I despise myself for the cynisims I feel. I am so indignant, and for what reason? Some times I can just be an asshole ... going back to the book I was reading last night, there was a passage
"message for posterity...The intelligence and the character of the masses are incomparably lower than the intelligence and the character of the few who produce something valuable for the community. "
reading this I felt a self loving pride fill me as I assumed I was included in the latter category... then I read the last sentence ...
"I trust that posterity will read these statements with a feeling of proud and justified superiority. "
I can not tell you what kind of a zap that was ...what a blow to my ego realizing what a smug ass I really was ... This book is just amazing.
God I am so sad to think that I am intelligent and superior just because I can't stand the springer show.
I better go I keep getting disconnected. Night!