durring this break I did some cleaning worked on a sculpture a couple of drawings and jotted down a few lines that may eventually develope into poetry.. but it really isn't enough considering the time that I had.
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Well tomorrow has arrived and it is 10a.m. I go in at one and I don't know if there is anything more depressing than watching the minutes pass me. I sit here and exaggerate my time and say that i have 2 hours left instead of three so I can sort of trick myself into being happy with the time that i have left,so I am suprized when i have more than I thougt. but usually that won't work..I just get more paranoid about not being ready. My eyes are burning and I am really tired, I shouldn't be though i went to bed early last night and set my alarm for 4am so I could get up and clean ... but I woke up only to turn off the alarm... and I remember having a dream about some game show when the snooze went off... but beyond that I don't remember a thing unti 7:15 when Joe got home ... He asked me questions about paper plates and the chicken kiev he was nuking and then there was a dreamy fog until 10... I am awake now Just fresh from the shower so I should be alert, but all I want to do is sleep again. If i do sleep, my day will be gone...and that would depress me more. There isn't much I can do with my days when I work 1 to close, and tonight is Friday one of Joes only nights hime with me, it seems like I always work now on friday and that means I miss out on so much. There is nothing I like better than curling up with him and watching a movie at night and eating pop corn. I have always enjoyed the quiet still night, even when I was a kid.
I know how tonight will go already. I will get home and be excited that I finally have some company at night and that I get to have some time with joe. and then in about an hour I will start to doze because I always do. and the night will be over and that will be the end of it for me. Joe will stay up all night because that is his scheduel and he can't sleep and come to bed at 4 or 5 we will sleep together for a few hours and then I will wake up he will sleep and we will just keep missing out on each others company. Tha makes me so sad. because I never get tired or bored with joe the more I am with him the better I feel, and not to make one single person responsible for my happiness but, I find that the days I spend away from him and with other people(customers he he ) are the hardest for me, I just feel like it is wasted time and energy and commitment.
Enough of that
I wrote a poem last night (actually revised)