I am slowly looking at my page and seeing what needs to be repositioned or fixed... and there are a few things... For example my banner was larger than the screen and required me to scroll over to see the entire thing ... I made it smaller now and will be doing the same with a few other sections... I have a lot of tweaking ahead of me ... and it makes me sad in a way that it looked so poorly designed for so long , because I took special care to proportion things the way I liked them with webtv and none of that came through once I viewed it on a real computer ... Oh well not to many people see this site anyway and the people that do will probably see it after my changes to it so I am not going to fret about it, I will just move on.
I work tomorrow and I am hoping that is pleasant. I havn't worked since Monday ...I havn't done any art work either, and yes my dishes still sit in the sink unwashed. I really don't think I was meant to handel dishes...Something deeply imbeded in my soul is afraid of them..... I just really seem to lack the skills necessary to wash them. I mean I know how, I sometimes even enjoy the task... but somehow they are always there waiting for me... I always have a sink full... Well the whole house is the same way... I will have a pang of ambition that prompts me to clean it and then poof 4 garbage bags later I run out of steam and I have made no progress. I still don't see how that works logically. I mean I know I must be removing material from the house, But I never have any more room than when I started. This appartment grows fat like I do... I just collect to much crap... pop-up books -toys(lots of toys)-Myth books-snow globes-pieces of paper-buckets of jewlery-boxes of carpet samples-cut off shades- sticks-stones -shells ........CRAP CRAP CRAP... but I love it all.
That reminds me the other day a friend of mine from work brought me some shells back from his trip :) I spent the whole night looking at them and they are just amazing. My favorite are these ugly white ones that look almost melted. Well they make me happy. Now I just have to think of how I want to keep them. I don't think I want them out on display , because then they just become to much about their visual interest..and I want them to be more about the touch. I am thinking of sewing them a soft bag. To me when things are kept in precious little bags or boxes they just want to be touched or handeled ... maybe because you have to be involved with them to take them out and view them...and they have a special place to return. ??? Well once again I am riffing.
I gave away a piece of sculpture the other day, a bronze I had done in school ...and that made me quite happy. I gave it to two other friends of mine from work who recently moved into a new appartment together. What thrilled me about the whole transaction besides just the joy I get from giving gifts to people is neither of them ever asked me for anything. I know that sounds weird but all my life when people found out I was an artist they always said can you do... can you draw me a ... :) I understand why that is and I don't get upset (the way I use to) I feel like a snob saying no I won't draw you a unicorn with a golden horn ... but then I hate myself for doing crap like that, things that I don't feel anything for. I don't know how many people would understand why it makes me feel ...sad to do that sort of thing, and if I try to explain to the people who don't get it ...well I know they won't ever get it ... and it just puts me in such a weird spot,and I feel like an asshole. ...and everyone offers to pay me ... hmmm . Well It felt good to give away something that meant something to me ... it wasn't my best piece in alot of ways but it was special to me because it was the last bronze I had left, and I remember making it and worring about the pour and I remember playing with the patina (I won't even tell you the weird shit I did to it ) and burning my fingers trying to touch it to soon ...Well anyway I am happy it has a home. LOL I guess my sculptures are like a litter of puppies or something, I want to make sure they find good homes...
There are a few people I want to give pieces to but I am going to space them out because I don't want to seem like a freak or anything. Well I better sign off ... I think tonight is one of those nights that I could write anything it just feels good, and actually this is the first time I have felt at home on my new machine, but I suppose that is just because I am falling into old habits. Good night:)
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funny moment of my life...
When I worked stocking the shelves of Target 3rd shift... I told a fellow associate that I was an artist ... and with complete sincerity he said to me ... "So do you paint Clowns or Landscapes? "
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