What I want is still undecided in my head so why do I expect the thoughts that flow from me to be clear ...
Sometimes I
am
embarrased by who I am and the things
that I have chosen to represent me ...
and I try to hide so many feelings
from the world that I feel
like a thousand different masks have
been made by me and they are all
ugly
... Joe has seen my face I know but he
is the only one ... I can't hide from
him ... and I fear the fact that
he looks through me like glass ... but
thats why I love him with
everything that I am ... and that is
why when I discover that to others close
to my heart I am an inigma ... I feel
so alone and sad ...
Tonight the blues are hitting me pretty hard ... It came in part from a misunderstood conversation with a good friend but that isn't all... nothing is ever so simple
...what pushed me over that painful edge of depression I was teetering on was the fact that I was so dumbfounded ... and that my words just chased themselves in circles ...
I realized that I was speaking only for myself and when I tried to escape that narcism I just dug the hole deeper... there were issues important to me that I needed to resolve that still float in my head like an incomplete sentence..and I want to share
I want an instant an magical cure I suppose where my desires are transfered into another so that there is a full and complete understanding ...
it seems I can't get there with words...