9-14-98

Somewhere between spite and sorrow she finished her sentence. The pause that followed was saturated with regret. she wanted to swallow the words that seemed so urgent before , but she just waited with her breath caught at the top of her throat, knowing she could not get them back. So many things came to her now things that wern't clear before. She pittied herself for her indignant and petty outburst.but he was weak and when she saw the wounds rip open she attacked , power ... control... Domination...they were sensual.. seductive to her and she felt like a woman as she destroyed the man she respected and loved and feared.
But it was the girl inside that took over now, she felt so alone, and in her moments of remorse there was a regression and an innocence that she wanted to recapture.An innocence that would let her believe that she didn't know she would hurt him . an innocence that would let her fall back lovingly into his arms like none of this had happened.She wanted to be taken care of coddled because she hurt now, and the only person who could heal her she realized was the same man who had played he part of the cruel oppressor .She had seen enough of his vounerability,She wanted her man back.

But it was his turn now and all she recieved was silence. .

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