Misread Medical Terms
Artery............................the study of paintings
Bacteria....................the back door of a cafeteria
Barium.................what doctors do when patients die
Bowel.....................a letter like a, e, i, o, or u
Caesarean Section.................a neighborhood in Rome
Cat Scan.............................searching for kitty
Cauterize..................made eye contact with Hillary
Colic................................a kind of sheep dog
D & C...........................where the White House is
Dilate...............................to live a long time
Enema.......................................not a friend
Genital.......................................not Jewish
G.I. Series..........................a soldier ball game
Hangnail.......................................coat hook
Impotent.......................distinguished, well-known
Labor Pain..........................getting hurt at work
Medical Staff............................a doctor's cane
Morbid....................................a higher offer
Nitrates..........................cheaper than day rates
Node........................................was aware of
Outpatient..........................a person who fainted
Pap Smear..............................a fatherhood test
Pelvis............................Elvis Presley's cousin
Post-operative..........................a letter carrier
Recovery Room...................a place to do upholstery
Rectum..............................damn near killed 'em
Seizure....................................Roman Emperor
Tablet.....................................a small table
Terminal Illness..................................D.I.A.
Tumor......................................more than one
Urine.............................opposite of you're out
Varicose..........................................nearby
Vein...........................................conceited
pathological: the reasonable way to go
head nurse: Alka Seltzer
pneumonia: inventive complaining
ER: the things you hear with
enteritis: a penchant for burglary
cortisone: the justice building
anesthetist: stalker of bird homes
bandages: rock groups
red blood count: Dracula
surgery: a reason to get an uninterruptible power supply
antibodies: things that uncles are familiar with
antibodies: insects
sterile solution: an option to the elevator
amputation: when you stick your fingers in the wall
cardiac: someone addicted to poker
fibrillate: tell lies
ICU: peek-a-boo
organ transplant: time to call the piano movers
botulism: making mistakes
triple bypass: tricky route on the interstate
triple bypass: better than a quarterback sneak
waiting room: a heavy space
plaster cast: free beer backstage
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