Quotes

• A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
• A penny saved is ridiculous.
• All that glitters has a high refractive index.
• Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• Anarchy is better than no government at all.
• Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
• Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
• Brain -- the apparatus with which we think that we think.
• Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.
• Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
• Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
• Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
• Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
• Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
• Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's bad...
• Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
• Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
• Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
• Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.
• Entropy isn't what it used to be.
• Familiarity breeds children.
• God didn't create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
• Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
• Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
• Help support helpless victims of computer error.
• Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
• History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.
• I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
• If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
• I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
• In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
• It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
• It works better if you plug it in.
• It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
• Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
• Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
• Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
• Life's a bitch, then you die.
• Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
• Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
• NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
• Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
• Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
• Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
• Silver's law: If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
• Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
• SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.
• The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
• The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
• The road to to success is always under construction.
• Those who can't write, write help files.
• To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
• To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
• Today is the last day of your life so far.
• When all else fails, read the instructions.
• When in doubt, don't bother.
• When in doubt, ignore it.
• Xerox does it again and again and again and...
• Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.
• A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
• There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.
• There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up here these days.
• Lime is a green-tasting rock.
• Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
• Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.
• Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.
• Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.
• Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
• We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.
• To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.
• In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.
• Clouds are high flying fogs.
• I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.
• Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.
• Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.
• A blizzard is when it snows sideways.
• A monsoon is a French gentleman.
• Thunder is a rich source of loudness.
• Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.
• It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.
• Wind is like the air, only pushier.